The Better Way of Breaking Up

The Better Way of Breaking Up

Is There A Better Way of Breaking Up?

It's no news that many relationships don't end up the way we wanted them. Some even wither at the onset, even before being fully established.
Sometimes, one of the parties in a marital relationship (the lady or the guy) erroneously thinks that the relationship is serious already, whereas, it is still formative. This error may be due to the misinterpretation of the signals given by the other party to mean that they consent to share a deeper union at this time.

Serious Vs Unserious Relationship

In recent times, you'd see two people who mutually just want to be friends. I mean friends with benefits and just want to play unrestricted with themselves. Most of the time, when you probe into their relationship with each other, you would find out that they are never serious with each other.

As at now you should have that by using the word "relationship" I refer to a marital relationship and not just any other. And in contrast to the above illustration, it only goes hard when one of the party really has interests to be with the other on a more serious basis. And when there is disapproval by the other person, we commonly refer to it as a heartbreak.

What is Heartbreak?

This is not a new word and it simply means the act or process of terminating a relationship.
So far as I recognize that one day you will find the right person for you, it will be nice to point out that you must ensure that you remain in good terms with whoever you once had a great time with. In this, I mean even after heartbreak and a short period of recovery from the pain that may be associated.
It is now almost a fact that young guys and ladies make misunderstanding, disagreement or something negative as the standpoint for breaking up. Hence, they keep fighting even after breaking up their relationship. But should that be the only reason?
Read More About Breakups Here

Reasons For Breaking Up

The myriad of reasons that cause breakup is all related to the incidences of offense, mistrust, and loss of that initial affection that one or both party had for themselves, as well as interference from deceitful friends.

1. Offenses and Mistrust

In a relationship, the commonest cause of offense and mistrust is probably 'cheating' by one of the parties involved in the relationship. That is not to exclude the other attitudes and behaviours that become offensive to one or both partners. The relationship slacks when these become intolerable, either based on a violation of the core values of one of them or loss of perseverance and patience by anyone of the involved parties.

2. Loss of  The Initial Affection

It is no news that time fades beauty away. The physiques and appearance of a person are oftentimes the first points of attraction to others. This is normal and expected but when we mention love, it greatly transcends such attractions.
Love is what remains when all the hypes of beauty and others have worn off. People often see themselves separate after a while because they now understand that "they are more apart than the closeness that the initial attraction brought".
Anyway, it may not be that they were not meant for each other or they shouldn't have met but that one or both of them have not given room for excesses imperfection. In other words, they are not committed to the relationship. This is what defines maturity, the readiness to work things out against all odds. Read More On Maturity Here

3. Negative Influence 

The strongest advice anyone can receive is when he/she is told to be careful to keep secrets away from enemies or anyone at all. This can be an epicentre for a relationship-quake and they may never notice it until it's too late. This ranks high in the scale of factors that lead to heartbreaks and they should be avoided. Generally, expect to someone trust and directly involved in your life events, say a parent, secrets about your relationship should not be divulged to third-parties. Otherwise, it will be an avoidable problem and they are usually worse-felt at the end of the day.

Is It Wrong To Separate?

It is a good thing to consider a relationship wholeheartedly with every positivity but it is often advisable to keep a safe space available and lean on 'God's guidance'. This is to ensure that whatever the outcome, you don't painfully and unforgivably create a scene of bitterness. Not everyone you spend a part of your life with ultimately spends the rest of it with you. Not even all friends stay forever.
When the compatibility that is required in marriage is not there or could never be acquired, it is best to peacefully separate. One of the parties may be affected painfully but it is worth it at the end. The only precaution is not to make the other person feel like an enemy afterward. He should just be the kind of friend he has been and should be respected as human too. Same goes for a lady too.

He should just be the kind of friend he used to be and should be respected as human too.

In order not to have a miserable breakup, some of these things should be avoided;

  • Over-confidence that it will work out, and 
  • Illicit pre-marital sex

 This is important so that the feeling that you've lost your entire being will not be too great after an inevitable separation.

How To Rightly Initiate a Breakup

Are you probably thinking if there is a right way of breaking up a relationship? You may have heard young people in a transient union say "I don't think I love to get into a more lasting relationship with him/her anymore". There is no point trying to create a scene out if it. You want to set up a big trap that will implicate him/her and say "it's over between us"? That's not necessary.
Just be open enough to let them know how you feel about the relationship and its present status. And try to make them understand that you cannot continue with them. It may not be for any serious reason and you must let them know that you just don't think you can be together.

What If He/She Insists?

Anyone who has had some interests in you genuinely or not will not give up so easily. They will want to find out why you are making that decision. It may be that you don't desire a reconciliation so you would want to keep your reasons to yourself especially if you are leaving them because of an offense that you cannot cope with.
However, you must find ways to let them know that you have not become enemies but that you just can't continue as "partners in the making" that you have been. If he/she insists, one helpful suggestion will be to give them some time off, avoiding contacts and all that. This will enable the hurt person to recover from the momentary pain of the breakup.
Afterward, when you are sure that they have recovered fully, you must at neutrally and normally as you once acted before the period of your intimacy. This is to ensure that they understand that you have not become enemies but that it just could not be as was expected.

Advice: Life is Spherical Too

I know this syllogism is insane. It is the earth that is said to be spherical, you'd say. But, life too has many facets with the focus mutating at every moment. There is a reason why you meet every person that you meet in your lifetime and not until you find that reason have you fully utilized the assets that God placed in that person for you.
If everyone knows this, heartbreaks won't be triggers for suicidal attempts anymore. You just move on as friends and not enemies.

A wise man once added that "it is always best to be patient". By this I mean you should be more observant, careful and prayerful and walk in wisdom before you enter your next relationship. And even after all of these it still doesn't end the way you wanted, you simply move. This time, you had a space for it so it won't be such unbearable pain.
I'm not saying you should not have faith in your relationship but just don't be too quick to.
Thanks for reading.


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Prosper Yole

I am a lifestyle blogger, I write useful articles on successful life tips and hacks. Posts bearing Prosper Yole as author are either written by the blog author himself or by our various other contributors. Thank you for reading through. I look forward to having you more often. Please subscribe to my feeds below...

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