Briefly imagine a scenario of a young man knocked on his head with a heavy baton. He falls down, gazing at the imaginary stars hovering around his head. And then, he is stuck with no decision on what to do next. And true, certain situations that come our way that tend to give us that feeling of indecision.
They could come in different forms; either by misplacing something so valuable without which you cannot proceed further in your sequence of actions; or someone mistakenly or deliberately destroys your precious possession, for example, your new gadget. It could also be a very silly mistake by you or someone else that is directly affecting you.
Someone entered and knocks down the gallon of water, the spill was massive, the floor really damp. And then, the next reactions range from heavy frowns, grave insults and/or even physical imparts.
On the other hand, you could calmly analyze the reasons behind the incidence. Really, more than 90% of such cases are unintentional, about 70% are avoidable accidents and the rest are unavoidable mistakes that they can't really do much about.
Care to ListenOne rare quality you would find in people is that of listening unconditionally. By listening unconditionally, I mean, they are not interested in finding out why. This is often is very great attribute because such people are ready to forgive and let go of any offence that you committed without really getting to hear much of the story behind it.
Yes, it's like a God-kind of forgiving quality but I think there is a need to listen at least a little to what they have to say.
It has been demonstrated in practise that by listening to someone alone, you make them feel welcome. Listening is simply the ability to remain still to get all the details you can get about a situation from some who was directly or indirectly involved in it, even with the urge to speak.
On the other vein, it doesn't apply to when you speak out of turn or not letting someone speak but it also applies to when you forgive or forget or pardon too early.
By these, I mean, not giving room to hear their own side of the story. It's two things if you know what happened and why, then pardoned and not knowing anything at all but still forgive. The person feel so insecure and thinks you are just not interested in them.
Where Does Listening Apply?
1. Listening to someone's challenges before intervening:When people come to you for some help, it's best you give them some attention too. Offering just money or exactly what they ask for would not really be all they need at that time. It's always best to listen too.
Listening in this case does not go in an isolated manner. After having heard what more they have to say, the things you've heard should have made you to see things from their very own perspective.
I often hear people say that they are afraid to say anything that will ruin the person more. But this should not be a problem at all. You can never go wrong if you are seeing things from their own perspective.
2. Listening when someone did something wrong:It feels bad when someone did something that you never expected them to especially if it also impacts you somewhat negatively. Like the story at the beginning of this post, you oftentimes would uncontrollably react violently. But not all wrongs are intentional and even if they were, you must be patient enough to listen to the reasons they had before they did what they did. You must also be ready to listen to the circumstances surrounding what they did, was it a mistake or not?
Letting something go easily is adorable but for the sake of the person you are interacting with, listening to them will be even more beneficial. This will go a long way to heal their guilt if they feel guilty aside from helping you understand them better.
Listening when you are being instructed:One of the best things you can give to an instructor is the impression that you are actively listening to what they are saying. Many times, we are too impatient to listen attentively to an instructor. This can rob us of the valuable instructions we could receive and/or creates a negative feeling within the instructor about us.
The Most Important Question; The Way ForwardAll of the listening and questioning to understand the depth of the situation and to make the next person feel better about it are important. But much more important is the question, What is the Way Forward?
The initial bouts of anger, like I pointed out, may be considered normal in humans but an added quality of always seeking a solution to every problem is in fact super-human.
Bearing in mind that most of the cases of offence like we pointed out earlier are products of unavoidable mistakes, a careful inquisition into the solution to such problems probably after a short bouts of rage, if at all, would be necessary. I would recommend building up yourself to the extent that even the expected initial bouts of rage is out under control and you are able to see things normally and objectively. However, if that has not been achieved yet, it is most important to not let the anger get too beyond the accepted limits, so to say. By getting beyond limits, I mean, overstretching it to the extent you forget when to ask the beautiful question, What is the Way Forward? Also remember that getting too angry only makes things worse.
To our case above, quickly get the gallon up, tell your stranger to get the mop or get it yourself. Thereafter, you can get ready to strike. But the beauty of this strike is that it is not usually mixed with fiery rage as would have been seen if you reacted earlier. Anyway, you achieved two things with this; limiting damage by the water and the other you just figured out.
The usual sequelae is a very polite question with the normally used what, why, when or who determines.
When we display an action that is hazardous or potentially hazardous, we often say, Do not try this at home. This time, I am revealing an act that is potentially hazardous, to some of your preexisting principles, ego, personality, etc. But you know what? You can try this at home and everywhere else. Amusé tôi.