Making friends is not really a strictly dutiful art or an ability that must be acquired because friends seamlessly flow into our eco-space without us making so much efforts to actually bring them in. In other words, friends naturally hook up with you the same way you naturally hooked up with some of your other friends.
However, at certain times, there is a need to manually acquire more than is 'naturally' configured. And bearing in mind that friends can truly be great assets at such times, you may really want to learn the art of making friends, if at all, to understand exactly how nature does it for you.
What Are Friends?The earliest definition of the term 'Friend' actually refers to someone with whom you are acquainted. This definition, in fact, tells how sweet the origin of friendship is. Whereas, an acquaintance has to do with someone you know closely or personally more than the usual.
So many have seen 'friends' as people that share so much in common, interests, career, passions, dreams and very often belong to the same age bracket.
However, the definition of 'friends' or 'Friendship' that I have personally and affectionately adopted is the one that says "Friends are chosen Family". Let this be self-explanatory to you now because it would be more difficult to explain those big terms further, adding a little olive oil to their top and making it glisten a yellow-green radiance than to leave it this way for now. In other words, I think that's not too difficult to understand. "Friends are chosen Family".
Friends, 'Chosen Family' and/or 'Woes'Looking at the bright side of friendship, you might want to be lured into believing that there is no ugly side of friendship. But for some reasons yet not clearly known, friendship has turned from a beloved union of truth and faithfulness to something as ugly as woe itself.
Just in case you are asking why friendship evolved so quickly into something that bears no real semblance with its own origin, I will, once again, quickly pass over the responsibility of attempting to use 'olive oil' to produce the 'yellow-green radiance'.
But in an attempt, I once said, it may be due to the reality that we may have gone beyond the natural way to make friends into their eco-space, that were not programmed to be there in the first place. Am I now saying this is a side effect of the act of making new friends?
On the other hand, it could just mean that such experiences are part of friendship itself, giving to life a new definition that friendship is a mix of 'the good, bad and ugly'.
How Difficult is The Art of Making New FriendsOn a scale of 1 to 10, the difficulty of making new friends should fall somewhere below 5 naturally. That is to say that it is naturally easy for most people to make new friends. But a few percentiles of people would find it difficult to make friends or at least experience a difficulty level greater than 5/10.
It would suffice to say that once the various elements that are required to set the process of friends' making become available, the process can be imagined to flow as uninterrupted as possible.
There are those we can call friends just because they are obviously not our enemies. And there are others that are truly our friends. When I refer to the art of making friends, this will not include the art of sustaining friendship or building relationships. Rather, it will refer to an understanding of the practical steps to engage someone, probably a stranger, with the intent of having them as potential companions.
For certain reasons including temperaments, certain people are unable to make friends and the strict introverts would not even see a need to. However, with the advent of telecommunication and social media, communication has been made a lot easier. This is a remarkable achievement in our world today but no one has really undermined the superiority of real-life friendship over the virtual one.
Here are some useful understandings.
A Relevant Speech Follows InterestsYou board a bus, then you encounter someone or a group of people that you are getting to know better. You were just fortunate to sit just right next to them and have a couple of minutes to share with them. Do you imagine staying silent all through the journey and expect friendship to begin without interactions?
Beginning a conversation is always the very first step to engaging a friendship process. The essential component of this kind of conversation is that it should be 'non-discontinuous' as possible. I guess this should be an easy thing for most people. But paradoxically, many people find it really distressing to attempt to start one. That is why it is important to spell out the things to watch out for when initiating a conversation.
Make an attempt to know them by asking questions politely and as non-intrusive as possible. The bulk of the conversations between two people meeting for the first is composed of questions and answers but using a short story to initiate communication would also do the job. It now becomes clear that there are no strictly hard and fast rules. The only rule could mean that you should be as free as possible and take every situation as a step to the next line of conversation.
I'd say that the major reasons why you want to know about them by asking questions can simply be summarized in one statement, "you do not actually know what to say". But other unseen reasons may include the need to know more about your new friend, their interests and other social information about them.
Often people are afraid to start up conversations or sustain one because they are scared they are going to just blow it off with their unintentional remarks. In this, they have identified themselves as ferocious dragons that indiscriminately spew fire from their mouth at the mildest wave of the flowing wind. But it does not have to be like that. In a conversation between two people who are ready to continue the discussion until they both agree to stop, there is virtually nothing called a mistake. Your main focus should be on how you can sustain the conversation, swiftly converting the hottest chilli remark made by you or them into a sweeter and non-disastrous form of it.
In any way, the secret of successfully adding someone to the list of people you call your friends lies in your ability to reveal the interests, visions or such things that you have in common with them. That is to say, you are ready to go miles just to pull out the things you have in common, present it to them while still where you are. It takes a good conversation to achieve that and it's totally worth it. The beauty of it is beautifully unveiled when you realize that you too can do it, coming out from your shell of introversion when you decide to make some friends and later returning to your quiescent state when you are done. Isn't that cool?
Conclusively, these and many more will always remain useful guides in the act and art of friends making but this should never be confused with making friends that goes beyond just friendship. That would take a few years for appropriate verifications. This is truly funny, I know. But one more thing I know is that friends are indeed some of the most beautiful things to have in a lifetime. And much more beautiful is if they have you too.
Also Read Up: