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Debunking All You Know About Compatibility: What Your Relationship, Marriage, Or Friendship Need To Know

Debunking All You Know About Compatibility: What Your Relationship, Marriage, Or Friendship Need To Know

What you probably know about compatibility is the natural flow of understanding or complementarity(complementing each other). When you try to describe that two people are compatible with each other, you often mean that they naturally share the same line of thoughts.
It is true that there can be an unexplainable understanding and commonness in two people who just met for the first time. Then you call that compatibility?

Let's see the many things that people ascribe compatibility to before I tell you what I must say.

Accepted Criteria For Compatibility

I won't stop without briefly highlighting the following points that are generally accepted as the criteria for compatibility. All the elements below are oriented towards compatibility for marriage, however, a few of them may cut across other relationships;
  • Genetically compatible blood groups
  • Someone with the same blood group type is termed "genetically compatible". This criterion is often very important because of the risk of expression of certain genetic diseases. The commonest blood type implicated in many African countries is the A, S blood genotype system. In this system, AA is the perfect type without the sickling gene. AS is the mixed type with moderate expression of the sickling gene and SS is the sickle cell disease trait.
Medical counselling always emphasize that two people who have a tendency to produce an offspring with the SS genotype should not marry( e.g, AS and AS).

  • Easy flow of words during a conversation:
  • Everyone wants someone they seem to enjoy talking with. For some reasons you don't even understand, there are people you easily flow in a conversation with and there are others you get stuck trying to alter a single word to. What factors are responsible for this kind of compatibility, we cannot fully say now but there is the general tendency to gravitate more towards such people.

  •  A sense of mutual understanding of actions and speech:
  • You know that feeling when someone helps you to complete your statements, seem to understand your unspoken words, knows what you think and feel to a reasonable extent, and so on. It is a beautiful feeling, isn't it? When this is noticed, you will always be quick to say that you are compatible.
  • A feeling of homeliness or friendliness:
  •  Another definition of compatibility is one which described that you must be able to feel free to say or do whatever you want when you are with them. It is sweet when you are free to express yourself however you want in their presence and there will be no penalty of any kind. Yes, it is. But is that all?

  • A common purpose and ambitions:
  • When people want to marry, they importantly consider their life's purposes and ambitions for alignment. This is of utmost importance and must never be trivialized because on this rests the tenets of many other behaviours, mannerisms, ideologies, personality and thoughts.
No two individuals are 100% alike no matter how compatible they may be seen to be. Whereas, you think compatibility is the presence of the above factors or not at all, guess what you will soon find.
There have even been cultural compatibility based on cultures and races where people with non-familiar cultures cannot be allowed to be too intimate up to marriage.
And because those attributes above all have to be present, you find people who are willing to fake compatibility as long as they can. How do people fake compatibility?

How Do People Fake Compatibility?

Whenever I think of this, I remember the story of a young girl who was groomed from birth to marry the prince. She was taught to completely be obedient and subservient to the prince, and she was sharp enough to uphold her training. This was the case of an African prince, Hakeem and Hermione in the American movie "Coming To America".

People can adopt behavioural changes, or trying not to act up or even lying just to be able to blend in with someone.
Commonly, in marital relationships, the female is supposed to be submissive and willing to adapt to the male partner who will promise to love and be with her. Does it now mean compatibility is simply one's ability to blend in, irrespective of the manner?

When a lady says 'we are incompatible', she is most probably saying that she is not free to express herself as she would be when she is with him. But should that be the test of compatibility?
Check friendship and compatibility to find out more about what happens in friendship.
But just before you say there is no compatibility, let me debunk all you already know in this next session.

Debunking All You Know Already

First, how sure are you that you are not compatible or how sure that you are totally compatible with that person you claim compatibility with?
Does it mean the most compatible people will not have any course of a dispute at any point of their lives together?
People who outrightly say "we are not compatible" only say so because they are not ready for anything with you. When it comes to emotional and psychological compatibility(the others aside from the genetic compatibility), commitment is the key.
Those that naturally flow together are naturally so without any actual explanation except that they may already share some ideologies and thought patterns already. In essence, I mean compatibility can be acquired when there is a commitment to understand how they reason, communicate or behave. No wonder, you are able to complete words for someone you could not do that for, after spending some time getting closer to them.
If you fake it, you won't know them. They will only be deceived by you but that won't last long either. And if you say "we are not compatible" from the outset, you rob yourself the opportunity to get to know them when you actually could.

Why You Are Still Right To Believe What You Believed

I cannot entirely fault you for playing safe. I have had occasions where I had to try to iron things out with someone I was not "compatible" with at the moment. But then, it would run in futile cycles because the person is not willing to be committed. In this case, why would I continue walking towards the dead end?
When you have people you naturally flow with, why would you want to struggle over others who would not even care sometimes? You are playing safe by natural selection; naturally moving with those you are already familiar with and staying away from those you are not. The only exception is that after you have come to understand someone fully, all taints of unfamiliarity disappear and you would then ask yourself if something has changed. Of course, you know them better now because you were committed to it. Hence, commitment can be acquired.

Now that you were about to move on by saying "we are not compatible (I mean the emotional and psychological)", try commitment before you move on. You can only say so when the person has proven that they are unaccessible irrespective of the amount of commitment you have available. Partially discard compatibility and try commitment first.

Prosper Yole

I am a lifestyle blogger, I write useful articles on successful life tips and hacks. Posts bearing Prosper Yole as author are either written by the blog author himself or by our various other contributors. Thank you for reading through. I look forward to having you more often. Please subscribe to my feeds below...

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