As part of the COVID-19 Prevention, Stay Home and Do The Five
COVID-19

7 Things You Need To Know About Compatibility


Compatibility, Image Credit: GettyImages
Are you in a relationship and you are finding ways to determine if you are compatible with your partner?
Majority of the times, it is not too difficult to ascertain that you are compatible with someone. When you are compatible with someone, you just feel that you easily 'click' with the person on the first date. It is sometimes so dramatic that you could sometimes mistake it for love. This is a topic for another day.
You already know that compatibility is a natural flow of understanding or complementarity (complementing each other) between two people. 

Types of Compatibility

As far as relationships and marriage are concerned, there are 6 types of compatibility I know;
  • Physical compatibility
  • Social compatibility
  • Emotional compatibility
  • Intellectual compatibility
  • Spiritual compatibility
  • Medical compatibility
When people say that they are or not compatible with someone, the common type of compatibility they are referring to is intellectual compatibility. You will soon understand what each of them stands for after I have explained them in the following section.

Physical Compatibility

This refers to physical attractiveness to your partner. It is the kind of compatibility when partners describe that they love each other. It is based on some physical qualities that the partners see in each other. 
Physical compatibility takes beauty into consideration, as well as other things that can become attractive to the person.


Social Compatibility

This is the kind of compatibility where the social interests of the partners align. This is usually based on the social status of the partners. For example, you may meet someone who loves and exotic lifestyle in affluence, whereas, you just love to keep it simple. 
Finding someone who is socially compatible is important and it must not necessarily be based on the socio-economic (rich or poor) of the individuals, although this plays a very important role.
The element of cultural compatibility could also be included in this class. Races and cultures have pre-defined systems that determine how people live their lives. More importantly, many races are usually opposed to marriage with people from races outside their own.

Emotional Compatibility

Emotional compatibility is all about how well you are able to manage each other's emotional responses in different conditions. The common reactionary responses often encountered in a relationship are anger, happiness, and withdrawal. Two people that are emotionally compatible should be able to manage the unity when these emotions are being expressed. 
For example, a relationship between a lady who expects that her guy must never become angry irrespective of what she does is doomed to fail until she works on that side of her life.


Intellectual Compatibility

Intellectual compatibility is one that involves easy flowing of ideas and thoughts between the partners in such a way that they could engage in an almost limitless conversation without getting cut off. Intellectual compatibility is often misrepresented to mean the partners should belong to a similar professional group(s), but this is not always the case. 
In Intellectual compatibility, Each of the partners respects each other's intelligence and are satisfied with it. They share their opinions freely without any fear of prejudice and are stimulated by each other's ideas and/or shared intellectual interests.  
A good example is when you meet someone you just fire conversations with as though you were a storyteller in your past life.

Spiritual Compatibility

Spiritual compatibility has to do with the religious or spiritual beliefs of the partner in a relationship or marriage. Religion plays an important role in the way of life of people and marriage is not left out of it. The core beliefs of the individuals have to be accounted for to achieve this type of compatibility.
Spiritual compatibility also means that the partners should share a common vision and passion for life fulfilment. That is, they should both agree on what their life need for them to say that they are fulfilled. The kind of legacy they want to set, the feats they want to achieve, etc, are important for this type of compatibility.


Medical Compatibility

In medical compatibility, the partners are medically certified fit to marry. This is referred to as genetic testing for compatibility where they are tested to ensure that there are no significant medical risks in their coming together, both to themselves and their offsprings in the future.
One of the commonest genetic testing methods is the genotype testing that is done to eliminate the notorious SS gene fusion implicated in the sickle-cell disease. This is particularly important in Africa where malaria is closely related to the AS predominance over AA genotypes.
Medical counselling always emphasizes that two people who are going to bear children together must have a combination of genotypes that will not favour the development of the SS genotype. For example, when two AS marry and bear children together, there are chances that SS children will be born.
Everyone wants someone they seem to enjoy talking with. It's a great feeling when your partner could just understand your thoughts even before you utter them. But it is important to note that apart from the medical compatibility which remains very static and unchanging, the others are adaptable and flexible.
No two individuals are 100% alike no matter how compatible they may be seen to be. Whereas, you think compatibility is the presence of the above factors or not at all, guess what you will soon find.

If you ever watched the 1998 romantic comedy, Coming to America, you will see that the problems of compatibility are real. In the movie, Hermione, the charming black lady was groomed from birth to love the prince and everything about him. In which case, she was trained to be compatible with the African prince, Hakeem. But Hakeem was not satisfied with living with someone who acts and thinks like a slave. So he went to the Americas to look for his bride, Lisa. It was really a romantic movie, but one lesson I learnt from it is that compatibility has to be based on grounds of mutual interests and not some pretence or indoctrination.  

Now that we have established what compatibility means, let us now look at some more important things you need to know about compatibility.

7 Things You Need to Know About Compatibility

  1. You cannot be 100% compatible with someone apart from yourself
  2. Disputes and disagreements can still arise even with your most compatible person
  3. Compatibility can be grown or acquired
  4. Childhood experiences and personality determines who you are naturally compatible with
  5. Compatibility is not love
  6. Sexual-attraction is not the most important form of compatibility
  7. To ascertain your most compatibility, you need to be open; no pretence

You cannot be totally compatible with someone apart from yourself

You hear people say that they instantly clicked from the first moment they met their better half. The word "click" sound really digital but only further scrutiny would reveal the true meaning of the terminology. You cannot be totally compatible with someone without any bit of signs of incompatibility between you. This is not to say that you can never find your perfect match but what you must understand is that to get the most compatible, you need to deliberately make that happen because it is practically unrealistic to find someone who naturally clicks that way from the start to finish.

Disputes and disagreements can still arise even with your most compatible partner

Now that you have seen that you cannot hardly find the utopic/flawless kind of compatibility, it is important you know that disagreements and conflicts does not rule out compatibility. You can be compatible with someone and still have conflicts.
Many people have left their would-be partners prematurely because they perceive that the appearance of conflicts are signs that they are not compatible, but that is not true. Disputes and conflicts can still arise even with the person you consider yourself most compatible with.

Compatibility can be grown or acquired

Just like love can be cultivated, compatibility can be grown and/or acquired. Apart from the genetic or medical compatibility, almost every other form of compatibility can be acquired by conscious efforts and will. 
The import of this is that, instead of running away at the sight of the slightest sign of incompatibility, learn to walk your way through to modifying those elements of incompatibility, when you have over time determine that the person is compatible with you in some of your major/core values.
Some childhood experiences and personality determines who you are naturally compatible with
When you say that you naturally click with someone, what does that actually mean? Meeting someone for the first time and your conversation is already flowing without constraints, this most likely happens.

Compatibility is not love

People often have the misconception that when they click with their partner it is a sign of true love. But the truth is that compatibility does not translate to love. Love and commitment also bring some form of compatibility, but compatibility is not always loved.

Sexual-attraction is not the most important form of compatibility

Most people just base their compatibility on sexual attraction only. A lady, for instance, would determine her own compatibility with a guy of interest based on how much chemistry goes on between them. The truth is, chemistry and feelings show a great deal of sexual attraction and compatibility but sexual compatibility is not even the most important form of compatibility. This is because it is something that can be secondarily acquired.

To ascertain your most compatibility, you need to be open; no pretence

If you really want to know how much you are compatible with someone and vice-versa, the secret ingredient is that you need to stay open and without pretence or falsifications. People can feign compatibility by living in lies and deceit but we all know that what is not real is actually not. 
Compatibility, like you may have already read, can be acquired, developed or built over time with the exception of some non-modifiable aspects like genotype and blood groups. However, if one must succeed at acquiring the skills that make one compatible with their partner, there must first be the openness between them accompanied by the desire to make it work.

Commitment Remains the Best Compatibility

One of the kinds of compatibility I would never include in the list is commitment. On its own, it is more than any other form of compatibility because it is the key to overcoming the flaws of compatibility. Recall that no two individuals can be perfectly compatible. The gaps of incompatibility created by the peculiarities of humankind can be safely and lovingly bridged by commitment. That is to say, where the partners are not compatible at first, they stay committed to fighting it through together until they come to a more perfect and compatible state. In other words, they acquire more compatibility together with time.

Prosper Yole

I am a lifestyle blogger, I write useful articles on successful life tips and hacks. Posts bearing Prosper Yole as author are either written by the blog author himself or by our various other contributors. Thank you for reading through. I look forward to having you more often. Please subscribe to my feeds below...

Disqus Comments