Image source: HuffPostOne of the first advice for a successful living you will ever get is "marry one wife". I cannot recount in how many occasions I have heard it since the beginning of the year, this partly demonstrating how true it may be.
Keeping one wife is one of the attributes of great people. Some have arguably retorted that it is because "the fewer the wives, the fewer the troubles".
I recently heard from someone that there is a huge burden is maintaining a wife and the family, talkless of having more than one with a battalion of children. I'm not yet married, so would I have known that so easily?
One thing I just called a great virtue in great people, how then am I now saying there is a danger in it? Let me now stop the great things yet.
Marrying one wife has its great benefits and I want to take this time to spell some of them out very quickly;
- 1. Focus:
- 2. Determination:
- 3. Cooperation:
- 4. Love:
- 5. Efficiency:
- 6. Progress:
The list is endless but let it end here for now. Careful observations have noted that women in polygamous settings are less focused on the wellbeing of the entire family than for their own children. Though the father may want all his children to do the best in their lives at almost equal degrees, the polygamous mother would be more favourably disposed towards her own children only. This negates family building principles to self-building.
Thus, even though the mother may succeed, to the father, it is a great loss that his family is only half-built.
One father was lamenting bitterly about one of his polygamous sons that is trying out his interests in polygamy even at the expense of his life and education. You know what I mean, don't you? Does it mean the son did not learn any lessons for himself?
I know I was meant to tell you about the disaster of marrying one wife, I am definitely going to tell you that in a moment. You should understand that I have not changed the topic to the dangers of polygamy. Funny, hm?
In his defence, a polygamous man and father once said he casts the blame to the women. He outrightly expressed in the dissatisfaction in the art of polygamy but he joking blamed the women for making themselves too cheap to always consent.
He noted that when he confronts a woman for serious intimacy, the women are too foolish to reject even when they know there is someone already in his life like he is already married.
And so the chain went, one woman after another up till now with four already? An achievement some would call that anyways.
Some have argued that African polygamy is not bad save that the man has the capacity to take care of the children and their mothers.
Some African religions have even supported polygamy favourably but does that make it good?
Children born into polygamous homes even in the midst of plenty have always reported their ordeals when given the chance. The benefits of marrying a single partner listed above become null and voidly-absent.
The emotional catastrophe created by an environment of strife and hatred not spoken but avidly expressed from people whom you know only share a father or husband with you can be deadly frustrating. This is not as if monogamous families do not experience similar occurrences but they are more easily weathered down because of the presence of "the element of determination" in the home.
Now let us go on to the disaster of marrying one wife.
The Disaster Of Marrying One WifeFrom the beginning so far, you may have already noticed that the writer is more favourably disposed towards monogamy. However, what does he refer to as the danger of monogamy?
When people decide to keep one partner for life, there seems to be more pressure on them emotionally. Being presented with different shades of what he considers beautiful each day that passes by makes the whole job kinda dangerous for him.
The desire to keep one woman can be such a difficult task for many men, such that they would sometimes step a foot outside wedlock and probably return luckily.
However, some men have found such a very easy task by reassuring themselves how much they love their wife and how much they are willing to sacrifice for them.
Thus, the disaster of marrying one wife is effectively curtailed. There is no more disaster, no guilt, no regrets of choosing to be monogamous, and no worries that they are at a loss.
However, many men always want their "only" woman to cherish them too, to give them an extra push to overcome the pressure from the outside community and daring ladies.
Many women have fallen for that too and it has been effective all the way. By remembering how much care he receives from his wife, a man is better able to handle the alluring of the other "sub-standard" shades out there. But this does not negate the fact that men who receive the most attention at home cannot still go astray. It depends on will.
The Solution, ElectronicI have heard about some electronic equipment that helps to track a cheating partner or detect doubly married secret partner. Some bangles and social media activity tracking software would be very sparsely effective. One of them I found out uses GPS to catch a cheating spouse, the effectiveness of which I cannot fully ascertain right now.
But at the tail end, the power of the will and determination will remain the ultimate solution to staying focused on one, turning the disaster of marrying only one to a challenge that must continually be overcome.