Some few weeks back, I was interrogating one of my very dear friends about the attitude of ladies towards money. I asked her if it is acceptable for a lady to leave a guy for another just because the new guy has more money? Guess what her response was.
She says it is not absolutely wrong for a lady to leave for another guy because she insisted that there is actually no such thing as "love". This is something I have always wondered about too. In the way we all understand love to be, does it really exist that way?
So when I heard this man who also happened to be one of my senior teachers say "marry from your head", it struck a bell of memory within my own head that I may have heard that somewhere before.
What Is Double Dating?Most guys frown seriously at a lady having serious considerations for them and for someone else. They want the attention to be only on them at that time, but one question they have failed to ask themselves is that what if the other people are more prospective for the lady than they are? By "more prospective", I mean if they have more chances of marrying her in a later period.
I have heard of people who married who they think they will never really settle for. It happens every time and every day, but why the sudden concern about attention being given to more than two people?
In all, double commitment is wrong but prior to getting committed, there is the freedom to give your attention to as many people as are advancing.
What If You Do Not Love Them From The Start?You want to give every guy that makes advances equal attention? What if you do seem to like them from the start?
I have to meet ladies who blatantly show a guy that they are not interested from the start with the way they respond to them, the way to talk, and even with their looks and just like some other that women do, guys would see that as a show of arrogance and pride. Some few guys may translate that into some enmity, which is in itself beyond bounds anyway.
But what is the ideal thing? Blatantly shunning some people would create an environment of pride and disrespect around you especially in the sight of those that have been affected by it. But opening up to so many people would make her receive too much pressure that she may not be able to handle and cope with. There has to be a balance somewhere though.
Do Not Put Your Eggs In One BasketThis has often been a universal truth where the emphasis is on having an alternative for things that cost much or cause almost irreversible damage if they are damaged. But in this context, my friend was saying something really important for ladies.
Most ladies have learnt not to put all their heart to a single guy who has not shown a commitment to them. At this stage, they should stay open enough to have more on their list. I mean this colloquially though but there is some truth in it.
Nobody wants to be just an option on a list but many people consider it safer to make options out to increase the odds.
There Is Always One You Truly Feel Drawn ToSome of these things, like I would always say, are common in both guys and ladies. There is someone you truly feel drawn to. You wouldn't want to put on the same list with the others but if you were to do that, they would top the list with some great points ahead.
There have been stories of very hard disappointments when they guy a lady seem to love most decided to leave them abruptly. Hence, ladies have insisted that it is safer never to assume prematurely that the guy you are killing for would ultimately be the one for you. This statement comes here again, "love with your head and not with your heart".
Love With Your Head, Not Your HeartLoving with your heart in this perspective means loving for the sake of emotions and chemistry. Many young ladies and guys believe so much in some chemistry as the sign that they are meant to be together.
When they make their decisions solely based on the feelings they have for each other, they would later run into a dead-end when they realise that they were not who they wanted in the first place.
Talking about chemistry and the feelings, I have later come to find out that feelings are an acquired thing, it is something that can be obtained with time.
Feelings are transient and can disappear if not nurtured and then loving with the heart ultimately fails.
Commitment is a far better alternative. It is a state where you have swept the feelings and emotions aside and decide with a clear mind that you will always love someone. I guess this is what my teacher refers to as "loving with the head".
When Does Commitment Begin?Commitment is measured differently by different people. Some girls say he is only committed when he has proposed to you. Other people believe that it must not be through asking for a girls hand in marriage in the way that proposals are done before the commitment is confirmed. You'd know when he is really serious from his actions, his words, and the way he talks about the future. A man or woman who discusses the future with you does so because they see you as part of their future.
If you still think you will never get serious with a guy just because he has not asked you officially "will you marry me?", you may just be committing a very grave mistake. At a point when you should be shifting your focus more toward them, you would still be dividing your attention into many baskets that may all end up drowned in water.
If you are still scared they will leave you, ask yourself this question. Can't he still leave you even after they have proposed and asked for your hands in marriage? Even relationships have had to break on wedding days before.
Commitment is a choice and a risk worth taking. I have also written about commitment here. It is only complete when you drop your comments below.