When shown rightly, it gives both partners in the relationship the assurance that their other partner truly loves them and is not ready to let them go for another. I have once deliberately told expressed my jealousy to my girlfriend and her response even made me love her even more. But of course, I don't do it every time.
Jealousy may show up in different forms and at the extremes, you may begin to think that your guy does not love you anymore. At certain other times, you realise that they love you but you would tell yourself that you really can't cope with that in your entire life. Then, as a lady, you would begin to plan ways to call it the relationship off.
But if you truly love him and you want the relationship to work out, this post will be helpful.
Characteristically, an overjealous boyfriend would restrict you from going places without him, spy your phone, restrict how well you dress to avoid attractions to other guys or just doesn't want you to be better in your profession or otherwise than he is. He just wants to maintain control over you but I must say that that is totally ridiculous, isn't it? However, in his mind, he is just too scared to lose you or he thinks he is doing the best for you. So how do you now deal with this overjealous boyfriend without having to end up in a break-up?
A friend of mine has had to break-up with his overbearing boyfriend, who she described as caring and loving but too insecure. Ladies want the attention but they still want you to allow them to relatively live their best life on their own.
Men's jealousy commonly involves having to lose you to another man, but this can have its anchors on your career becoming better than theirs or your influence gradually surpassing theirs. And if you think they are ready to go to every length to stop you and your professional ambitions because of their unhealthy jealousy, you must act quickly.
These are 10 ways you can deal with your boyfriend without breaking up with them...
- Talk About His Fears and Anxiety There must be something he's afraid of about you. He has fears and anxieties about your relationship with him. A majority of the time, the most jealous boys are those who think their girlfriend is too influential or consider her to have a very attractive personality. A few other times, his fear may originate from some of their past experiences or some experiences you may have told her about.
- Tell Him How You Feel A man that you would spend the rest of your life with should be approachable by you. In this case, you should be able to tell him how you feel about the action in one of your quiet moments together. Without having to raise a voice, you can tell him how you feel. Relationships that survive the turmoils of time are those that are ready to let go of what they feel by telling their partners about it.
- Don't Be Defensive of Your Behaviours A few times, you may be caught in the interrogations with him. "Who was that guy with you the other day?", "where are you coming from?", and many other questions that show how over-jealous he is. As irritating as the questions can be, you should try as much as possible not to be defensive of your actions and behaviours. When you are defensive, it gives him the confirmation that what they are thinking about you is right.
- Listen To Him As a way of demonstrating his sovereignty over you and everything you do, he would ask you to stop doing certain things which may include but not limited to going out with friends, using social media, etc. One way to go over this amicably is to listen to him at least for the time being. A day or two after, you can ask him to let you resume what he asked you to stop doing.
- Don't Try To Do It Back To Them It is normal to want to let people have a taste of the maltreatment they are giving to you so that they can truly know how you feel. You may have tried to act over-jealously to them too or you are soon planning to. But if you really want to get over all these without a break-up, you must avoid retaliating too rashly.
- Create Boundaries And Make Him Know This is better done in the early phase of your relationship. You must define your boundaries, what you like and what you do not. If you set your boundaries appropriately, he probably wouldn't have become so over-jealous with time. But now is not too late to establish your boundaries. One way you could do that is by giving a reaction that you are unhappy with their behaviours. If he is understanding enough, he would think about your reaction and plan to make amendments to his approach.
- Do Not Pretend Too Much You may want to hide what you do from them because you don't want to entertain criticism and arguments from them. But you have still had to live your best life and protect your career and relationship with other people too. Don't you?
- Be Available and Responsive When he reaches out to you, do your best to be available and responsive. According to a relationship website Truth About Deception, if you're there when your partner needs you most, this can help calm their jealous habits. Being always available is not something very easy to do but if your partner notices your efforts, the trust between both of you will commensurately grow stronger.
- Talk To Someone About It Your partner is still the best person you can discuss this issue with. But in a situation when he is completely unavailable for a discussion, you can consider discussing it with someone you trust and is willing to understand. The danger of having interventions from outside is that many times, the solutions they proffer and not based on the situation at hand or they may be based on some mixed feelings.
- Show Him Extra Affection
You should consider establishing a discussion with him and seek to find out what his worries are truly about. And when you have discovered his fears, you should be ready to talk about them and assure him that he is safe with you.
What if, he doesn't really know that it hurts you? He may just be thinking that you would derive the sense of 'extra-security' from those actions without realising that you have never wanted to apply for a body-guard before.
A simple question often deserves a simple answer, right?
Him: "Who was that guy on the phone?";
You: A friend of mine who is also my business partner, but he is not getting in our way darling"
When you do this, you should realise that he is still not lord over you but that makes him know that you are submissive to him and you are not the flirt he thinks you are.
Be open enough to make him feel that you are really honest with him. This way, you get to build up his trust for you.
Little things like trying to protect your phone from him by setting heavy passwords that only Thor can break would make him get even more suspicious. It must be noted that every successful relationship must be based on some level of transparency, trust and honesty.
Discussions help relieve the burden in your heart but it should be with your partner or if absolutely necessary, with someone who is willing to understand.
If his jealousy stems from his fear of losing you to another man, you can easily calm his nerves by proving to him that you truly love him. He sees you as irreplaceable, hence, his actions and when you show him extra affections, he gets the feeling that he is also as irreplaceable as he has taken you to be. His insecurity may begin to wane from then on.
Your boyfriend acts this way because he does not trust you. That is something he should actually work on. Every relationship that is meant to stand must be based on trust, but if circumstances have forced your partner to give up so much on trust, you must be available and ready to help establish their trust again.
By patiently following the steps above, you demonstrate your commitment to your relationship with them. And with time, they go on to love and trust you more. And more importantly, they would cherish what you did for them forever, for teaching them the value of trust in every relationship.
What If It Doesn't Seem To Work?
If after doing all and nothing seems to change and especially if your life is at stake, you must be proactive enough to run for your own life and safety. If you think you cannot absolutely go through it, you should discuss with them that you cannot continue that way.
Many of the time, he may even be finding ways to stop behaving the way he does. In this latter case, you can patiently help him overcome the habits of jealousy.
If you think your life is at stake, you should promptly contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline if any exists for your country.