Everyone hopes for a loving, romantic and secure relationship in their lives but sometimes, what you hoped would be a great relationship would end up becoming a disaster that you never envisaged. This is because most people are unable to recognize if the other person truly loves them the same way they do or not.
Many-at-times, people even find themselves in relationships that do not actually exist. The guy is busy thinking that he is going somewhere with the beautiful lady of his dreams, meanwhile, the lady is nowhere near being interested.
One-sided relationships occur when only one party is showing genuine interests and commitment to keep and sustain the relationship until marriage. In most cases, one of the partners fully invests in the relationship and fully ensures that the relationship works while the other partner is just passively drifting until they finally reveal their intents.
The scary thing about one-sided relationships is that you may not realize that you are in one until it finally crashes on you so hard. It is important that you understand how to identify when you are not welcome in a relationship so that you can take your exit. One-sided relationships are not actually relationships, rather, they are relationships that occurs only in the head of one of the partners.
But what are some of the consequences or end-products of being in a one-sided relationship? We shall look at these before we look at the signs that you are probably in a one-sided relationship.
Consequences of Being in a One-sided Relationship
- Lack of satisfaction
Relationships are considered exhausting by many people. Mutual love and care about each other are what removes the exhaustion. Love is sweet, but that is when it is shared by both parties. Emotional exhaustion is experienced when you are trying hard to keep a relationship but to no avail. You feel that everything would fall apart if you stop trying.
Lack of satisfaction
Another grave consequence of a one-sided relationship is that you do not derive satisfaction and fulfilment from the relationship especially when you are interested one.
The ultimate consequence of one-sided relationships is breakup accompanied by a painful heartbreak. This is inevitable because the other person is not really interested in the relationship in the first place. Even if you manage to hold it far enough, it would still end up crumbling someday because it was never mutual from the onset.
Going through a heartbreak? Read here on how to overcome it.
Signs You are Probably in a One-sided Relationship
- If You Do Nothing, Nothing Ever Happens.
- Always The First To Start A Convo
- If You Do Nothing, Nothing Happens
- You Are Always The First To Start a Conversation
- They Do Not Reply Your Calls or Messages
- Little Wrongs Escalates Greatly
- You Don't Feel Secure
- You Feel Lonely Even in Their Presence
- They Are Happier With Other People Than With You
- You Are The Only One Who Contributes
- They Don’t Talk About The Future
- You Go Out of Your Way to Please Them, But They Don't
- You Always Initiate Sex or Romantic Contacts
- You Always Have to be The One to Make Up And Say Sorry.
- You Want More From The Relationship
- They Never Identify With You on Social Media
If You Do Nothing, Nothing Happens
One clear sign that your relationship is one-sided is that nothing changes if you do nothing about it. You are the one that is always making the plans for you to see each other. If you don't ask for visitation, they would never ask or make any plans to visit you.
If you are cohabiting with your partner, then there would be no need to make plans to see them because you already stay together. But when you notice that you are always the one who organizes date nights, you are the only one who feels it when there is a dispute between you both or you are the only one who puts efforts in making sure the relationship stands, then you are obviously in a one-sided relationship.
You Are Always The First To Start a Conversation
If you are always the first to start a conversation or initiate a chat, you should start getting worried except if you know otherwise. The otherwise implies that they do not freely start conversations with other people out there. What this means is that if your partner freely begins conversations and chats with other people, but they would never do so with you, you may be in a one-sided relationship.
They Do Not Reply Your Calls or Messages
Phone communications have become one of the most important social markers for telling peoples emotional response to you. It is generally believed that when someone loves you, they would pick up your calls when you call even if it is at the strangest hours of the day.
Or if they missed the phone ring, they would call back when they return to their phone. Whenever you see that this condition is not favoured, they ignore your calls, do not return them, or even block your contact totally, you should recognize that you are in a one-sided relationship.
They Prefer Their Friends' Company to Yours
Of course, it is important to have the company of your friends too because they also form part of their social group. But when your partner obviously prefers their friends' company over yours, you should be worried they do not need you in their lives. This may not always be sinister as many factors can make your partner decide to stick more with friends than with you.
The only way to find out their true intent is to tell them about their preference for their friends and listen to their response or reaction. A one-sided relationship could be confirmed when they respond rashly and rudely.
This is not to rule out that in a normal healthy relationship, visiting friends and other well-wishers are out of place. In fact, it is very recommended but it should be on schedule.
If you notice that when you call them, they let their friends voices overshadow yours over the phone and they are not remorseful when you point that out to them, you are most likely in a one-sided relationship. You deserve to be a priority, not just another person.
Little Wrongs Escalates Greatly
Maybe you are going through some breakup currently or you have some issues in your relationship that has lasted more than even half the time you spent together happily, it is time for you to move on.
It is normal for misunderstanding to occur and small offences to seem very big but if your partner is comfortable avoiding you and does not show any sign that they miss you or want you back in peace, you are most likely in a one-sided relationship.
You Don't Feel Secure
Security could be described as feeling that your partner is going to stick with you no matter what happens. If you imagine and you come to the conclusion that your partner is not likely to stick with you through the odds, the feeling of insecurity begins to set in. You start seeing yourself getting jealous over things that do no matter. You get overly suspicious and insecure and these are characteristic of a one-sided relationship.
The feeling of jealousy is normal for any healthy relationship but it becomes a problem when it is exceeding levels.
Another way insecurity expresses itself is that you cannot express yourself freely around them. You are very careful in a bid to keep them. They are the careless ones but you are the careful one who is trying to keep your partner interested. These are clear signs that you are in a one-sided relationship.
In insecurity, you are scared that they will cheat on the slightest opportunity to do so.
In a committed relationship, you should not have to worry too much that your partner would cheat but this turns to a real and constant fear that they are being with someone else.
You Feel Lonely Even in Their Presence
For some reason, people believe that you cannot be lonely in a relationship but that is very far from the truth. You can feel lonely even when you are in a relationship with someone and this happens when the person does not give you as much attention as you need and you begin to get the feeling that you are not needed.
If you are in a one-sided relationship, you realize that your efforts to give attention are not reciprocated and they show obvious signs that they can do without seeing or contacting you. That does not mean that giving some distance sometimes is absolutely wrong but you must recognise that when it last for so long and your partner never makes an effort to see or contact you, that may be a one-sided relationship.
They Are Happier With Other People Than With You
In one-sided relationships, no matter how much effort you put into your partner, they will still be happier with other people than with you. You have put best efforts trying to make them happy and all you get is that there is someone else whose little efforts should work but your great efforts would not, it is a red flag that you are in a one-sided relationship. Regardless of who it is, it is still a strong indication that you are in a one-sided relationship.
You Are The Only One Who Contributes
You are the only person who buys gifts, pays bills or even up to having the table set up. You have to do everything or nobody does them. You contribute your finances and only you do that. Don't get surprised if I tell you that you are probably in a one-sided relationship.
They Don’t Talk About The Future
When you bring up topics that relate to your future with them, they always find a way to brush it aside or escaping from the topic. If you are in a one-sided relationship, the lack of enthusiasm about the future is often so palpable that you actually see them drifting the topic around when you discuss the future with them. After all, what do you expect when they obviously do not see a future with you or certainly not as into it as you are?
They are generally not open with you about many things. When your partner holds very vital, but intimate information about them from you, it clearly shows that they are not willing to invest in the relationship as much as you would.
You Go Out of Your Way to Please Them, But They Don't
In a loving relationship, both parties in the union do their best to please the other person and make them happy by listening to his/her needs, wants and desires. But there are times when it appears that your partner will not change from certain attitudes that you do not totally like, but if it is a mutual union, sometimes partners do compromise for the sake of peace.
If you find that you are the only person who has had to go out of your way to please your partner or make things go well, you are most probably in a one-sided relationship. If you the only person who has to understand and change, whereas, they remain indifferent about their own errors and mistakes, there is a big problem in the relationship and it is something you need to recognise and avoid as much as possible. It’s never a fair relationship if you are constantly trying to make your partner happy but they have little or no regard for your own needs.
Only You Initiate Sex or Romantic Contacts
Depending on the conditions of your relationship, some sexual and non-sexual activities may be allowed by both of you. Whereas, this is not the time to debate the morality of sex in a relationship before marriage, what you should know at this point is that if you are the only one who has to initiate these sex or related activities that are permissible by both partners, then there are chances that the relationship is one-sided.
You Always Have to be The One to Make Up And Say Sorry.
Saying sorry is not about who did wrong or who didn't. It is about love that involves someone stooping low for peace to reign. If you are in a one-sided relationship, you may have noticed that you are the only one who would have to apologise at the end of your arguments, most of which are due to their faults, not yours.
Your partner won’t really care about listening to your sides of the arguments, your partner won’t care about making up with you after a major challenge in the relationship such that the responsibility of keeping the relationship alive once again falls on your shoulders.
You Want More From The Relationship
Lack of satisfaction is one of the most obvious signs that you are in a one-sided relationship. You just realise that your immediate partner does not care as deeply as you care as you do for them. You just feel the desire to move out of the relationship but one thing keeps holding you back.
If you feel that you want more from the relationship, it could be that something needs to be fixed. If things only began to get ugly recently, then your relationship is probably getting cold and needs to be revived. But if it has always been so since the onset, be rest assured that you are in a one-sided relationship.
They Never Identify With You on Social Media
People are getting more careful how they display their relationship information on social media especially when they have tied the knot at the alter. They simply want to avoid being used for some trending Twitter hashtags e.g #itwillendintears.
This is because many such public showoffs on social media ended up in a woeful heartbreak after which the partners wished they had not displayed their status too early. However, most people in a relationship still want to feel that their partner is confident enough to showcase them on any of the social media.
If your partner has never identified with you on any social media and they are active, you should be wary of what you are getting yourself into. Even a special comment or placing your picture some times goes a long way to reassure you that they are confident about where this relationship is headed for.
Seeing one or more of the above signs is a tell-tale sign that you may be in a one-sided relationship. But it is not an absolute indication. However, you need to be very certain that they love you before you stick with them.
Can a one-sided relationship work? The chances that a one-sided relationship would work are very remote or even non-existent. The love and affection in a relationship have to be mutual and reciprocated.
Rather than trying to make it work, you might want to ask yourself if you are really willing to spend your entire self trying to make the relationship work all by yourself when you actually deserve someone who would mutually work with you for the success of your relationship.
How To Deal With a One-sided Relationship
Now that you have identified some signs of a one-sided relationship, how do you handle it? What should you do? In matters of relationship, one principle you must learn to always adopt is that you must not jump into decisions or conclusions too rashly. Here is a step-by-step guide on how to handle a relationship you consider one-sided;
1. Confirm that what you observe is consistently occurring first: Before you admit that your partner is probably guilty of any of the above signs, make sure that you have noticed it at least more than once.
2. Engage your partner in a conversation: One of the most important things to do when handling this kind of relationship is communication. You need to open up to them that they need to step up their own support in the relationship. Tell them how tiring the job has been for you because you have been doing it all by yourself.
3. Listen to their response: While discussing with them, you should keenly observe their response. Do they now realise their wrongs and show remorse with a new resolute to change for the better or not? If they do, then you have a chance to make your relationship work.
4. Join hands to work things out: It is now time to collaborate to make things work out between you both. It is not the time for you to start a payback and begin your own phase of nonchalance in the relationship. You must continue to do what you do and with their joint efforts, the job should start getting easier and less exhausting.
5. Take your leave: If you observe that their response makes you see clearly that they are not mutually into the success of the relationship, you have to be bold enough to take your leave out of the relationship. Things can be difficult sometimes in a relationship but you don't deserve someone who does not love you the way you love them.
I hope you learnt something after going through this? Drop your comments if you need some more clarifications. I hope you have a wonderful relationship.