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10 Ways To Trigger Your Man's Hero Instincts And Get His Attention

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The desire of every woman is that his man is constantly in love with him, without turning away but what we see in reality is that women easily lose the attention of their man or their dream man. Women get to certain points in the relationship when they feel that the man is too obsessed with loving her. Can love be "too much"? Well, here is what happens.

It is normal to feel overwhelmed or choked when someone loves you in uncontrollable magnitude. You suddenly realize that you need some space, you need to take a break for yourself, and all that. But a few days later, you realize that your man starts to keep away from you, you begin to lose his attention and he looks elsewhere for where he can find happiness and satisfaction. But why is it so? This is what has been described as the Hero Instincts.

The Hero Instincts

The Hero Instincts refer to the natural or innate desire of every man to feel needed and dependent upon. He wants to be her woman's hero and will be willing to do anything for her.

The term, "Hero Instincts" was popularized by James Bauer in his book "His Secret Obsession". In this book, Bauer talked about how to activate your man's love and get his full attention. He mentioned a lot of things that men want - food, money, and sex - but he added that the Hero Instincts is the single most important obsession of every man. And this is very true for a fact.

From the scenario I painted in the introduction when the woman feels like she doesn't need her man's overwhelming love anymore, it signals to some part of his brain that he is no longer her hero - she can now take care of herself. This is supposed to be a great thing because the man now reduces how much time, effort, money, and other resources that he would have spent for his woman, but NO, he wants to feel like the hero that he is. So, he will prefer to look for someone else who will make him feel exactly like that.

How To Know That You Have Trampled Upon Your Man's Hero Instincts

Having fully established how important the Hero Instincts is to your man, you must understand how to detect if you have trampled upon it. When you put your man's Hero Instincts at stake, trust me, he will choose his own ego over you - he will choose to satisfy his Hero Instincts. So how do you know that you have trampled upon your man's hero instincts?

Here are a few signs;

  • Do you notice that he starts avoiding or ignoring you?
  • Does he prefer to stay away even when that is discomforting?
  • Does he now act bossy or say things that suggest he is trying to re-establish a position of control?
  • Do you find him interacting with other women outside?

If you answered "Yes" to any of the questions above, you may have trampled upon your man's Hero Instincts. You are going to have to trigger it again and regain his attention.

Learning to be able to trigger your man's Hero Instincts is very important because these hitches in relationships are normal and inevitable. It is normal for a woman to feel over-pressured when they receive "excess love". That's how they are wired. And it is normal for a man to withdraw once his Hero Instincts have been violated. But the woman must know the right steps on how to turn him back on and continue loving from where they stopped.

Why The Hero Instincts Extremely Important To Men

Everyone wants to feel important and valued by other people but for men, this is a fundamental or basic need just like you have food, water, and sleep. Here are some reasons why men protect their Hero Instincts very strictly.

  • The sense of being in control and protective is what gives men their manliness
  • The society also equates control and strength to manliness
  • If a man feels less manly for any reason, it affects his entire life and work so he doesn't want that

To preserve his manliness and productivity in everything he does, a man will gradually begin to pull away from a woman who thinks she doesn't need him, to find someone willing to accept him as her hero. This is why a woman needs to keep triggering her man's hero instincts at all times. If for instance, hitches arise in the relationship, this is one of the most effective ways to get back on track with the love of your life.

How To Trigger Your Man's Hero Instincts

Many relationships have crumbled because of the woman's lack of understanding of how to trigger a man's Hero Instincts. Several others are on the verge of collapsing and would need this knowledge to revive their love for each other. The worst-case scenario is that the man makes out with another woman who makes him feel like a hero. The best-case scenario is that he simply avoids you and focuses on other things that matter to him without picking up some random girl, but in either case, you will gradually lose his attention until everything goes to ruins.

Here are 10 triggers for your man's Hero Instincts to make him love you more;

  1. Ask him for help when you are stuck
  2. Accept gifts from him
  3. Show appreciation and gratitude to him
  4. Don't thank him too much
  5. Listen to him and take his advice
  6. Give him recognition before his peers
  7. Make him know that he makes you happy
  8. Encourage and support him in whatever he wants to do
  9. Apologize to him when you offend him
  10. Set or accept challenges with him

Ask Him For Help When You Are Stuck

Don't feel too proud and independent. Ladies talk about independence, and it's great to be independent because that reduces the burden on your man and everyone else. However, you overpush the bounds when you feel too strong to ask your man for help when you need to.

Asking for help, especially when you are stuck, makes him feel stronger and puts him in a position to care for you. This triggers his Hero Instincts and makes him pay special attention to your needs.

One common mistake ladies make is, being afraid to ask their man for help and going on to ask some other guy from outside when she should be directing her problems to her husband/boyfriend. Well! She is going to get that guy's attention while she loses the attention of her own man. Is that what you would want? When a guy loves you, he would do his best to help you get better each day.

Accept Gifts From Him

I want to assume that this is not a major problem. Women love the gifts, right? Everyone does but strangely, it's no news that some ladies refuse gifts from their would-be spouse when they are already committed to each other, or even married. This is not so good for a man's Hero Instincts.

Refusing gifts during the early stages of a relationship may be a normal act of courtesy. This is helpful in establishing your intent for the relationship, that you want to be with him not because of his gifts only. This may hurt the man a little, but he can always overlook that as a normal courtesy but if this persists into more serious commitment stages of the relationship, it can put him off as not being needed, thus affecting his Hero Instincts.

To be able to confirm this, simply observe the look on any man's face when you refuse his gifts. You will see how disappointed he'd feel but he will quickly try to brace up. I understand that sometimes you may not like some of the gifts he gets for you, but instead of directly showing it every time that you hate the gifts, appreciate his intent by accepting them cheerfully. If you want him to know what your favourites are, you can start a questioning session where you get to know these things about each other.

Show Appreciation And Gratitude To Him

It's easy to say that you appreciate someone, but it is more difficult to show that you actually do. From the movies, what do heroes receive after winning their battles? This also applies to your man as far as his Hero Instincts are concerned. He wants to be appreciated, celebrated, or rewarded for every heroic act he demonstrates to you.

It is very important that you reward him with the things he appreciates the most or give him a new surprise. As the relationship grows, you begin to discover the things he loves the most. You begin to know what things he prefers to be rewarded with. It could be a special meal, a romantic hug, or great sex that night, but however it comes, you must always show appreciation and gratitude each time he has proven to you that he is your hero. This sends a message that triggers his Hero Instincts at all times.

Don't Thank Him Too Much

The previous point was about appreciation and gratitude but when can thanking someone be too much? When a man loves you, he genuinely cares about you and your needs. He would show you love without expecting much in return, except that he wants you to keep loving and believing in him. What this means is that he might not want you to pay back what he has done for you. He simply wants you to reciprocate.

Do you know there is a way you can make saying "thank you" be as if you are trying to pay back for what someone did for you? It becomes disturbing to your man who genuinely loves you when you act as if you cannot receive gifts or other good things from them without paying him back. It would have been cool if he wanted some payback, but in this case, he is expressing his genuine love for you and he only wants you to keep loving and respecting him too. That's all.


Listen to Him and Take His Advice

Not all advice from your man or anyone is going to come out great, and not all of them are going to work out just fine but there is always something to pick out from every piece of advice you receive. When your man suggests things to you, you should learn to listen to him and take his advice, or at least show that you are taking some insights from what he is saying. This will trigger his Hero Instincts for you always.

Many of these things are two-sided expectations. Everyone wants to be listened to, right? Even when his suggestions seem ridiculous, you must make him see that you understand that he is in your best interests. Take his advice as much as possible and watch how much more he loves you each day.

Sometimes, you may have a directly contradictory opinion about something. His method may be entirely different from yours. At such times, you should consider one of these two things - can both methods be applied together? Also, what happens if your plan fails, will he stand with you as a team? When you listen to and obey your man, he stands by you even when the plan fails, and this gives you the strength to keep moving on. After all, success is not about not failing but is about the resilience to rise again after you might have failed.

Give Him Recognition Before His Peers

If you want your man to take you to the moon and back, make him feel on top of the world. When you give him recognition before his peers, you boost his confidence to love and serve you even more. Make conscious efforts to make positive remarks about him in the presence of other people even when he is not there. This will make other people respect him too and he immediately knows that you have been singing his fame and comes to love you even more.

Many women are ashamed or afraid to become vulnerable enough to identify with their men in public but if you want your man to treat you like a heroine, you must first treat him as a hero. If it is to hug him, send him a warm distant kiss, or any of that romantic stuff, you should do so. It makes him feel special and he not only reciprocates it but does so in greater magnitude.

No matter what your reasons are, never disrespect your man in public. You may do so at home where no one is watching but when he comes out, always show your submission to him maximally if you want his undying attention.

Make Him Know How Happy He Makes You Feel

The good thing about making other people happy in this life is that it also makes you happy too. When you make your man feel know that he makes you feel happy, the happiness reflects him and he becomes more committed to making you feel happier and happier. When a man loves you, he can do everything within his abilities for you. When he wrongs you, don't you express your displeasure in a way that he understands? The same applies to when he makes you happy. Make him know that he makes you feel happy.

One of the most important quests to your man is his desire to make you happy and when you make him know that he is making you happy, he is motivated to do even more because he perceives that he is producing results. The moment he begins to feel that he is failing in his duties, his motivation levels would drop significantly and he would stop investing in you and your relationship with him.

You can show your happiness in the way you smile towards him sometimes, the way you dress, and the things you say to him. For example, how do you think your man would feel when you tell him on several occasions that "You are the one that makes me feel happy every day"?

Encourage Him And Support Him In Whatever He Wants To Do

Men are very logical beings. When your man is tempted to cheat on you, he would first think back to some of those "small" things that you may have done for him - the sacrifices, the supports, and encouragement, etc. It is easier for a man to cheat when his wife has not made any remarkable impact in his life.

When you support your man in anything he wants to do, you tell him that you trust him a hundred per cent, irrespective of how the outcome will be. This makes him feel like your hero and you know what? He just can't stop loving you this way. When he wants to start something new, encourage him, reason with him and help him in the decision-making and more importantly, stand by him at every step of the way.

Apologize To Him When You Offend Him

It takes two to tango. What this means is that, for a conflict or argument to escalate, both parties in the conflict are responsible for it. Take, for instance, someone offends you and you took a drastic decision to say harsh words in return, probably because you had an irritable mood at that time, everything goes back to normal if the other person simply says the magic words, "I'm sorry".

Both now and the classical ages, conflicts become violent only when both parties stand their ground never to surrender. It shows a lack of submissiveness. 

When you offend your man and he points it out to you, be quick to apologize to him. Also, be willing to back down when you notice that he is not ready to back down. He should also demonstrate these traits to you sometimes too, but on your part, you must recognise that you are meant to be submissive to him to get his full love and attention.

Set or Accept Challenges With Him

Research has shown that men are more competitive than women. By competitive here, it does not directly refer to competition and rivalry, rather it refers to anything that resembles competition but without any rewards or punishments, or winner and losers. A better word to describe competitiveness is "Challenges".

When two men are involved in a task together, they try to motivate themselves and achieve effectiveness by setting measured targets for themselves. You often see men putting themselves to a challenge of who finishes the task first, or who does it better. This is simply aimed at improving their efficiency and effectiveness, and not in any way related to the idea of having a winner and a loser(s).

When you help your man gets more productive and efficient, he sees you as a necessary part of himself. And one way you can do that is by setting challenges with him and accepting them with him when he offers you. The only precaution you MUST take is, you MUST never attach any winner/loser significance to them. Regardless of who wins the challenge, take it as a win for both of you. Don't be afraid to accept challenges with your man. I can tell you confidently that he won't nag over it even if he wins. If he loses, he may say words that make you feel that he is not satisfied or that he will meet you in the next challenge but that is merely the men's trick to keep you glued to the game.

Final words

Getting your man's attention ultimately requires that you trigger his Hero Instincts. In this post, you saw 10 ways to trigger your man's Hero Instincts and get his attention and they promise to be effective as making him love you more.

Think back on the actions that make your husband or boyfriend avoid you and stop expressing his love for you. You will realise that a majority of these actions are those that oppose his Hero Instincts. By going against what makes him feel like a hero to you, you quench his love and attention but by following these tips above, you ignite a different kind of love in him every day.

As a reminder, your man would rather lose you than allow himself to lose the very core of his existence as a man - his Hero Instincts. Thanks for reading. Do subscribe and drop a comment below.

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Prosper Yole

I am a lifestyle blogger, I write useful articles on successful life tips and hacks. Posts bearing Prosper Yole as author are either written by the blog author himself or by our various other contributors. Thank you for reading through. I look forward to having you more often. Please subscribe to my blog and follow me on Twitter @ProsperYoleOfficial


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