Relationships do not all last forever, but some do. Most relationships come to accomplish a short-term objective and then fade back into where they came from. Romantic relationships are not left out too.
But some great relationships are often abruptly ended due to the carelessness of one or both of the parties involved. In other cases, a parasitic, one-sided relationship would crash into its inevitable end.
Breakups are hence, a part of the experiences of many people in romantic relationships. But, are breakups always a bad thing?
According to Chen, a marriage philosopher, and statistician, over 85% of dating relationships end in breakups. Out of the 15% of those relationships that survive into marriage, other statistics show that almost half of them end up in divorce or separation in the United States.
The pain of a breakup can be so excruciating when you go through it, so much that you’d think it would never go away but with time, you realize that it is very possible to go through a breakup. Many partners have only withheld their desire to end the relationship because they fear how their other partner would feel hearing about it. In a majority of these cases, the inevitable breakup is still only a matter of time. Some breakups are necessary for you to learn some lessons and find the right one for you. So breakups should not always be a dispute that turns ex-partners into the greatest enemies of all time.
One other related terminology in this regard is taking a break. What does it mean for partners to agree to take a break? Is it the same as having a breakup?
Taking a break is not the same as having a breakup. It simply refers to the desire of the partner in a relationship to have some time off to themselves, either from an activity or from the relationship itself. Taking a break could help let out some steam in a relationship, but it oftentimes ends in disinterestedness and ultimately, a breakup. Thus, signalling that those steam in a romantic relationship is meant to cook properly the relationship into perfection.
Before, I talk about how to break up with your partner in the mildest and kindest possible way, let us take a look at some of the reasons why breakups occur in the first place.
There are only two endings to a romantic relationship, breakup or marriage and if there is no intention to get married in the first place, you are only wasting your time or the time of the other person. In actual terms, if you are just dating with no intention of getting married, you are just taking care of someone else’s future spouse.
Purposelessness is one common cause of an inevitable breakup because, without the intention to get married to your partner, you will not be committed to them in the first place.
One-sided relationships have become the order of the day in recent times. A one-sided relationship is one in which only one of the partners is truly interested in the relationship. The other simply wants to remain just friends. This has given birth to the common relationship description known as the “friend zone”.
The interested partner showers all their love on the other person who just doesn’t want to spoil the cruise or look for the perfect opportunity to say their mind and break up. However, from experience, most of these partners make the breakup so excruciating for the partner who thought there was some hope in the relationship. Hence, I now write about how to do a necessary break up with your partner in the mildest possible way.
Offences and Mistrust
Even the best relationships have had to give way to breakups due to offences and mistrust. Offences are bound to be experienced in a relationship but they should never become the nidus for a breakup. The success of any great relationship is based on the power of tolerance, forgiveness, and commitment of the partners involved in the relationship.
Common things like cheating, bullying, jealousy, and bitterness endanger many relationships and partners must be willing to work on those ills in their lives for a better relationship. However too, when you deem that your partner will never cease doing something you detest and you will never get comfortable with it, things can get a little difficult.
Lack of Affection
Love is a feeling, but true love is more than feelings. The feeling of love is very important in every relationship but a relationship should not be built solely on the bedrock of some butterfly feelings of love or chemistry. This is because these feelings and affections are influenced by different factors. They can wax stronger or wane weaker depending on timing, or other conditions of life.
However, needless to say, many relationship breakups are due to the realization by one or both partners that there is no “love” between them anymore, in other words, they are no more in love. But what they fail to realize is that there is a difference between “being in love” and “loving someone”.
Negative External Influence
I’ve had my own share of life’s traumatic experiences too. One of my worst and most painful breakups, I later realized was due to some external influence and pressures on my ex-girlfriend then. I deeply loved her but she’d always display indifference about accepting the relationship. Anyway, it was early and I considered it too early for most people to say “yes”. However, it turns out she was not interested in a relationship, at least, not yet. But she liked me and would have considered being with me if she was ready.
But then, in the next few months, I would receive what I called the worst emotional trauma ever. Even if the breakup was necessary, there is the best way to have it in order to reduce the emotional impact on your partner as much as possible.
Lack of commitment
Commitment is the bedrock on which the best relationship, even non-romantic relationships, lies. Commitment is one’s ability or willingness to stay put in the face of the odds, the ups, the downs, the good, bad, and the ugly. People emphasize compatibility when they should, in short, be emphasizing commitment.
More than 99% of relationships that breakups after a long period of dating are a result of a lack of commitment from one or both partners. In an actual sense, if the breakup was not decided by both partners, it just means that had been a breakup time-bomb waiting to blow off. In other words, one of the partners was only trying to see how far the relationship goes when they are not actually committed to it.
Commitment is greatly influenced by the attitude of the other partner. It can be stirred up, especially when the partners notice that the determination to make it work is mutual. However, in a more actual sense, after having settled that your partner has the same core beliefs as you, commitment should overlook every other ill behaviour they may exhibit.
Why Take a break
Talking of taking a break, calling for a break is an important tool to address one of two things:
To notify your partner about the need to change an attitude.
To notify you that they are actually no more interested.
The greatest stimulus to signal a change in character or attitude is when you notify them that those actions are putting their relationship on the line. So, when your partner calls you out for a breakup, they are only trying to make you realise that something is standing in the way of their happiness. If you can do something about it, that would be great for them. But if not, and they are not ready to understand your explanations, then the relationship dissolves.
However, on many occasions I have heard about, the other partner just flares up in anger and bitterness and agrees too easily for a breakup. The point of the lesson here is that when your partner presents you with a desire to break up, if you love them, give them a reason not to. Don’t just agree too quickly. Only cowards do that.
At this point, let us see how to break up with your partner in the mildest possible way;
How To Breakup The Mildest Possible Way
The best way to have a breakup is to do it in the mildest, kindest, and most harmless way as much as possible. Many people think that by harshly breaking up with their partner, they would feel much better moving on. But what they fail to recognise is that it does not pay to be heartless.
Here are some great ways to have a relatively harmless breakup;
Be double-sure you need to end it
Call your partner in for a discussion
Break up in person, not over the phone
Leave your contacts with them open
Give them a closure
Remove anything that reminds you of them, if necessary
Don’t hate them, stay friends after
Be Double-sure You Need To End It
I once considered breaking up with my girlfriend because of something she did, something I considered a violation of my pride as a man. I thought to myself if I can continue with someone who treats me less of a man. Read about the Hero Instincts.
Call Your Partner In For a Discussion
To be double-sure that you need the breakup, you need to first engage in a discussion with your partner about why you want a breakup. The aim of this is to know your partner knows about your decision and get them prepared for what is coming up.
Additionally, a discussion could provide a great ground through which some of the resolvable problems can be attended to. Both of you may just leave the place even happier and more united, you never know.
Break Up In Person, Not Over The Phone
Typically, breaking up over the phone comes in different ways. Your partner could just angrily or politely tell you that they are no more interested in the relationship with you. It could also be by ignoring your calls, blocking your contacts, especially after an unpleasant incident.
In any case, you must make the effort to have a break-up with your partner in person. That way, they are able to express some part of how they would feel. The fear of what your partner might do to you is one reason why most people do not like to break up with their partner in person. But you must summon the courage and maturity to let them know that you are no more interested in the relationship.
Leave Your Contacts With Them Open
You make it ten times harder for them to deal with a breakup when you avoid seeing them and block their phone contacts and social media. Although that may temporarily make feel strong about the whole situation and being in charge, with time, after they have moved on, you will then realise how much you have lost. You must learn to realise the value of relationships, and if it’s not a romantic relationship, you can be good as friends and even future working partners. So why seal that opportunity up just like that?
However, you should avoid contacting them within the early months of your breakup to give them enough time to heal.
Give Them A Closure
A closure is often a valid reason that would help your ex get over you. The kind of closure guys usually wants may be different from those ladies who want to hear. But in any case, it can help them get over the relationship very quickly. For the sake of your continuing relationship with them, even though it may not be romantic anymore, give them a good closure that makes them feel that they are still valued but that a good relationship with them has little chance of success.
If you are not sure what to say, simply say that things cannot work out between you anymore because keeping silent is often worse than you ever imagined. There are great breakup lines you can use to diffuse the tension.
Remove Anything That Reminds You of Them, If Necessary
Whether you are the one who initiated the breakup or not, there are times when you will miss your ex. Even some of the craziest things they do would become a point of great memories that will make you miss them even more.
It’s not only about making the breakup mild for yourself. In fact, when you have a good breakup, both of you are happy. But you make the breakup so toxic, you also share in the brunt too.
To make the feelings of breakup less on you, consider removing objects that strongly remind you of your ex, either temporarily or permanently.
Don’t Hate Them, Be Friends After
People think that by hating your ex and expressly showing it, you can hurt them. But the truth is, if they ignore your crazy antics or when they have moved on to another person, that only hurts you more. As much as you can, try to stay friends with them and if they don’t welcome you, stay away without giving them the feeling that you are in a fight with them. That way, you make it easier to deal with for both you and your ex.
I am a seasoned writer, not because I am some genius but thanks to many years of trials, failure, and near successes. I curate the most content on this website; all geared towards making you a better and happier audience.