Everyone needs help at some point in their lives. Yes, we all do and denying that fact is only going to make a fool of you when you get caught asking for the help you denied.
I can remember that I had once believed and mentioned that I don’t like being helped. This may remain the position of many people today, but I think we are all wrong. I now consider it childish to mention that anyone in the world can do without being helped or at most, anyone saying they do not need help.
It is a noble position to strive to be on the giving side of the distribution of help. This has been noted to be a source of self-motivation to do innovating and lucrative ventures. However, it will become absurd if it turns out that one could declare outrightly that one does not need some help of any kind. To deny receiving help is to not live at all because we really cannot do certain things by ourselves sometimes or at most, they can be way beyond our limits of comfort.
But wait! What about those that blatantly insist that they do not want someone to help you, will you call that abnormal? No, I will not.
There are many reasons why someone may specifically not want you to help them. In most of the cases, their reasons may be justifiable. Below are some reasons why someone may not want you to help them.
You may have turned down offers before, you had your reasons. We all have rejected help at some points in our lives and these are some reasons why we had to do that. They may not look too justifiable to everyone but at that exact point in your life, you considered it the best thing to do. It is not within our scope to judge whether it was the right thing to do or not.
Now let’s explore together…
Their Ego Didn’t Want Them To
Whether you know it or not, people including yourself have an ego to keep. Your ego is your inner sense of pride, an infringement of which can produce aa strong acceptance of defeat.
Ego has been psychologically linked to many moral issues and other behaviours relating to crime and productivity. That is the reason why you feel demoralized and almost useless when you are having a bad day. Your day becomes bad when you let yourself trample on your ego and when it persists longer, it can virtually affect your entire life.
This is why someone would prefer to stay without help than to let anyone take their entire life away. You may have good intentions this time but they just keep remembering the last time someone else helped them and simultaneously rubbed their dignity with the mud.
It is good that they let go of the past and recognize the dynamic nature of life but sometimes it can be really difficult for all of us to easily let go of such past experiences. Counting them as mistakes, you just don’t want to repeat them.
People want you to render help to them without you making them feel like you are a god in their lives. They do not want you to announce to the whole world that you did help them, especially if that will cost their ego great damage. There is a lot of issues to deliberate on in regards to this. Whereas you want to receive some pride that you helped someone, they, on the other hand, prefers you keep low. To strike a balance, it is best to help without the desire to shine your star with it. Somehow, your good deeds have their way of naturally coming back to you.
They Don’t Want To Be Mocked
To be ready to receive help in the present day is to be ready to receive mockery. This is not the case in all cases of help you will receive in a given period. However, chances exist that you may be mocked in some of the occasions.
It is no news that someone can be mocked for accepting to be helped, especially when this has become more than once. you may have heard or even experienced several occasions where help turns into a mockery.
The recipient of the help may wish he was never helped at all. The feeling of guilt and regret can be so severe that he or she wishes they were not helped and would consider remaining in the previous condition or even death as the case may be, better than the mockery they now receive.
After all these, should the mockery make the receiver of the help to actually hate the helper who is now a ‘mocker’? In reality, they still value the good thing done to them and they would appreciate the helper for helping them when they needed it most but they subsequently try to avoid any situation when they would have to ask anyone for help again.
They Don’t Want Anyone To Take Credits Over Them
This is almost like the reasons given above. People do not want to be seen as ‘useless without your help’. Although, that is a part of life successful people have come to embrace. Taking credits over you does not make you a failure of less than who you are. It only shows how immature the other person who helped you is.
It is important that everyone sees life like a coin with two faces. You may not need the help directly but someone close to you may truly need it. Help is multi-dimensional as it may not just be financial help only as you may probably be thinking all along but they do not want to be tagged ‘helped’.
Several people have made the same remark, “I don’t want a situation where someone will help me and use it to take unwarranted credits”.
But if that is the only thing you fear, you may want to reconsider your stance and be ready to accept help still, at least it will not be every day of your life.
They Do Not Want To Be Exploited
All that glitter is not gold, so we have come to find out. Some help so handy that you find it really hard to really ascertain their true value. It has become second nature to everyone on the planet to believe that any help that comes so easily must not be genuine enough to be accepted. This is to be taken seriously as being true but there is a small percentage of help that can come cheaply but still be genuine. Such people are hard to find, they are extremely rare and you could jokingly say that they are almost extinct. So when you lend your helping hands to them, it may look too easy and cheap that they would turn you down outrightly.
I have had an encounter that made me realize how help can be so deceitful. It was a dim warm evening somewhere around 5pm, typical of the Nigerian dry seasons. The high heat of noon and the afternoons had left a remnant of dry air hovering over the wet sweat-soaked skin of the pedestrians. I just returned from one of my usual travels to the more southern part of the country. With my luggage and a very weary outlook, I wouldn’t mind having someone give me a hand with my load.
I didn’t pray much for some help and I was ready to bear them by myself but just as though my unprayed prayers are being answered, this young man approached me hastily and offered to help me with my load. All I had left was my backpack hung around my left shoulder and the relief I momentarily felt.
“Give me small thing” he said in creole on arrival at the place where I was to take my last taxi to my final destination. This was just a few meters from where he picked them off but then I couldn’t refuse him because every attempt now turned to an argument between us.
I have had to bear heavier loads through that distance before and I consider this kind of help exploitation. Yes, he has just exploited me in the disguise of help.
It was too late before I realised what the scheme was all along but I decided to make it my little way of saying thank you to him, although, he has had to forcefully make me do it.
Reasons Best Known to Them
Every magician always has something up their sleeves and likewise, there may be some hidden reasons why someone would just reject your help. This one is not about you doing some wrong to them in time past but it may just be their own of conveying an important message to you.
Contextually, if it were your crush, I would say that’s their own way of saying “I want more from you”. If it is your subject, it could just be that they are just trying to be modest. But in all, the reasons are actually best known to them.
From all of this, you now realize that the major problem is not that people don’t need our help but they seem not to be comfortable with the price attached.
And also, not accepting to be helped is the best way to remain stuck in life. Not accepting help could indirectly mean that you are not willing to help too.
You may not be able to easily detect genuine help from deceit but keeping an open mind enables you to render help as much as possible and also to receive it willingly when it comes.
And finally, one good turn deserves another. Simply appreciating someone who rendered help to you both openly and secretly will make him not to broadcast himself with the side effect of shaming you.
I have recently had issues with my uncle for not telling out the help he rendered me some time. It’s that important and not everyone will remain indifferent when you don’t know how to spread their good deeds as you would have otherwise spread their faults.
In overall, it feels good to be helped especially when it is genuine. Anyways, That’s how the world was framed; a flock of people destined to help each other. Let’s build it that way.
How else do you think someone may not want you to help them? Drop your comments below.