At the beginning of every new year, we all make new year resolutions as a way of telling ourselves that the new year has to be better than the preceding one. Many of these new year resolutions not only end up unattained or abandoned but some of them are actually funny and ridiculous.
New year resolutions are supposed to give us a guide on how to change some of the attitudes, behaviours or experiences of the previous year but because of the joy and exhilaration of the moment, many of them are very unrealistic and that is exactly how they end up – unrealized.
Just like other goals in life, new year resolutions have to be SMART – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-bound. Anything short of this results in a disastrous failure of the set goals and for a few of them, they can be very funny indeed.
Here are some funny new year resolutions you can relate to. It’s even possible that you may have made some of the funny resolutions already but after reading this post, I hope you get a good laugh after all.
Check out these funny new year resolution images first.
Now here are some funny new year resolutions for 2022 you can absolutely relate with.
Funny New Year Resolutions For 2022 You Can Relate With
I will never fall in love, love is too painful and expensive. This is for those who had a painful breakup in 2021.
My weight loss goal includes doing 10 push-ups every day. Great plans, but how realistic and achievable is it?
I just want to be able to do a single pull-up this new year. You have been lazy for too long.
To buy an iPhone in 2022. I will leave you to be the judge on this.
To stop being so empathetic, stop making excuses for people’s bad behaviours because they had a hard life or suffer from a mental illness. They know exactly what they are doing and deserve exactly what they put others through. Please, stop laughing.
Join a cult instead of the gym. When you join a cult, you make new friends, take on special missions, and membership is cheaper than the gym that is already flooded with weight loss and health enthusiasts.
I will help my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
Date only celebrities that I have never seen in my life.
Stop masturbating with hand sanitiser this new year.
Improve my handwriting as a medical student by getting a copy-writing book.
My new year resolution will be 1280 by 900 pixels. Who said anything about computer screen resolution?
Grow my beard and start stroking it whenever I am talking with people.
I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
I will protect the environment by eating less so I can reduce how often I use the toilet and release harmful gases from my shit-hole.
I will learn to use social media including WhatsApp only once every week.
I will not hang around girls to make them think I love them. It sucks.
I will stop giving excuses for ginger and garlic as the best medications just because I hate the taste of Paracetamol.
I will always wear clean underwear (underpants and under-shirts), just in case.
I promise to write the correct year every time instead of writing 2021 when I should be writing 2022.
I will learn to read fliers after collecting them.
I will read the manual just as soon as I can find it.
I promise to keep to all my new year resolutions for more than a week even though I never do.
These funny new year resolutions are intended to make you smile because I know you are guilty of at least three. Prove me wrong if you can.
New year resolutions are good to have, after all, it’s a brand new year. New years, just like every other new thing, event or phase should come with new plans, goals, new targets and resolutions that would inspire you to do better this time.
New Year Resolutions That Are Actually Very Funny
I don’t want to make any resolutions because none of the ones I made the previous year saw it through the first quarter. Make zero resolutions and continue in survival mode.
I want to ditch everything from the old year (friends, beliefs, etc) from the old year and start afresh. Like everything, really?
I will cut down my data subscription for the new year by more than half. I thought things were getting more expensive?
I was one (single) in 2021 but in 2022, I must be two (in a relationship). Being in a relationship is a sweet thing many of us missed in 2021 but what is is funny is the image below;
Last year, I was a whore. This new year, I am saying no to sex totally. Not a bad decision but have you thought about how you are going to actualize this?
I will think of a password other than “12345” and my first name and initials.
I will avoid taking my bath as much as possible to conserve water.
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.
I will stop posting random girls pictures on my WhatsApp Status as my crush.
I will stop eating medicine just because it looks like candy.
I don’t know how to have sex. I want to learn it this new year.
Funny New Year Resolutions You Should Ditch This 2022
I will stop procrastinating this new year. For real? You said that in 2009. Just stop procrastination already and stop including it in your resolutions for God’s sake.
2021 was too full of activity. I will sleep my normal 15 hours a day this new year.
I will not bore my boss with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some new excuses this new year.
I will be more honest with myself and others. If you are stinking, you are stinking and that’s exactly what I am going to tell you.
Drink more beer. Wasn’t it Benjamin Franklin that said, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy”?
I will have sex more often this year. I was short of my target for last year – that is, sex on 300 days out of 365 days of the year.
I will block any attractive boy/girl that is forming too hard to get.
I will stop worrying about my finances. After all, they said worrying can sap off your emotional strength.
I will double my spending this new year. Did you know what 50 Cent got for himself on his birthday last year?
I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.
I will not wet the bed and blame it on my younger brother.
I promise to clean my room less than once a month. I’ve got to go hustle.
I will read fewer books this new year. They said too many books can wreck your head.
I will gain at least 40 pounds this year. I hate it when people tell me I have lost weight.
Draw up a list of people that were nasty to you, or who were toxic to you in the past year and get back at them in the new year.
I will make sure I plan my entire year without leaving any day behind.
If I don’t make huge money in February 2022, I will start my scamming career.
Final words about funny new year resolutions
They say, “new year comes with new things” but many of your new year resolutions over the past few years have been the same resolutions you failed to meet the previous year carried over to the new year. It is funny how an ant promises to singlehandedly lift an elephant simply because it succeeded in carrying 50 grains of sugar. Well, don’t judge him too quickly. You may just have been doing the same thing all along.
I am a seasoned writer, not because I am some genius but thanks to many years of trials, failure, and near successes. I curate the most content on this website; all geared towards making you a better and happier audience.