It’s a beautiful thing to be in love but it’s more beautiful when they love you too. Being able to know that someone loves you is not such a difficult thing, you know. They easily make you feel special and they would do all they can to make you fall in love with them. But times will come when you just need to double-check if someone loves you or still does so after a while of being with them.
At some point, simply hearing someone say “I love you” will not suffice to prove their love for you. For some reason, your natural doubting instincts tell you to look out further before accepting their love proposals. This is perfectly a normal thing to do.
Even sometimes, someone may not sure about their love for you. Maybe because they have not fully known you and are being drawn by love at first sight. You might want to look more carefully if they truly love you or not. Here, you will see twenty-one important signs that someone truly loves you, and what to do if you find out they don’t.
Love Vs Lust
In the 1990s, a team of researchers led by the biological anthropologist, Helen Fisher examined the science behind lust and love. They divided romantic love into three distinct categories: lust, attraction, and attachment; each associated with their own brain chemistry.
Lust is fueled by a yearning for sexual gratification signalled by an increase in the hormones – testosterone and oestrogen in someone who desires to engage in sexual activity with another.
Attraction is an infatuation beyond sexual gratification with an associated increase in love hormones like dopamine and norepinephrine. Attraction and infatuation result in daydreaming, elation, loss of appetite, lack of sleep, etc, especially when the person is not present.
Attachment or “companionate love” is a more secure, genuine, and longer-lasting type of emotional feeling than lust and attraction. It is not based on some perceived benefits in the short run but on a sense of responsibility to each other, or the feeling that you owe someone some responsibilities rather than some entitlements. This is closer to what true love is.
How to Know Someone Truly Loves You
After knowing the clear difference between love, lust and attraction, it is important to understand the signs to look out for if someone truly loves you or not. In this section, I will group them into three:
Signs that a guy loves you
Signs that a lady loves you, and
Signs that anyone loves you
Signs That A Guy Loves You
1. He is not in for sex only
The debate about who loves sex more – men or women, continues to linger unresolved but it’s no news that sex is one of the important demands guys make to their partner in a relationship. Sex provides some of the greatest satisfaction for relationship partners but countless beliefs have surrounded sex in relationships lately.
Sex could be the only reason why a guy is interested in you in the first place. In this case, he would take off soon after he gets it. When a guy is truly interested in you, he would focus more on the long term with you and shove aside the transient satisfaction sex gives.
2. He gives you gifts without asking for anything in return
How do you know someone who is genuine? They don’t expect anything in return. Guys give gifts for several reasons. They could be seeking your approval, requiring some assistance, or showing that they love you. But when a guy gives you gifts without asking or showing that he needs anything in return, he is truly interested in a long-term relationship with you.
3. He is willing to wait
One of the earliest signs of scams is the behaviour of hurriedness. Scammers want you to do what they ask for without delay. Genuine people, on the other hand, do not want to force you into any decision. They want you to take your time to decide because they are interested in a working relationship with you afterwards.
4. He tells others about you
If he feels lucky to have you, he loves you. When a guy tells his friends and other people about someone he loves, it makes him feel good about himself. Therefore, if you come to know that he tells other people about you and how much he feels toward you, you should know that he feels good about a relationship with you.
5. He does not hide how he feels about you
Sometimes, we hide how we feel about someone for obvious reasons. Even someone who truly loves might hide their feelings for a while, but not for so long. If you are already talking with the guy, he will not hide how he feels about you if he truly loves you.
6. He is not afraid to meet your parents
In the Galaxy of Relationships, parents are the invincible guardians that watch over us. Parents can be very critical and strict about your relationships, but they do that out of a good heart.
Comparing the feeling of facing your parents to a bulwark, it stands to reason that only a bold and prepared person can be committed to doing so. When a guy truly loves you, he will not be afraid to face your parents and express his feelings to them. If he does not love you, he knows your guardian angels – your parents, have a way to find out. Thus, he will always avoid opportunities to meet them.
7. He overlooks your overreactions
When a guy die-hard loves you, he ignores your crazy behaviours. No one is perfect but you feel perfect when you are with the right person. Sometimes, you overreact to everyday things like his social media activity (like reacting to another girl’s photo, or stuff like that) but when he does love you indeed, he will try not to let those get in his way of being closer to you.
Signs That A Lady Loves You
1. She is free with you
When a woman loves you, she gives her body over to you. Imagine how difficult it could be to get a girl to rest his arms around your shoulders. When she does love you truly, she feels more comfortable around you.
2. She wants to know everything about you even when you don’t want to talk
Don’t call this over-curiosity or any synonym like that. When a girl tries to know what’s up with you each time, it’s a sign that they care about you. Indifferent girls would consider it a waste of time asking you in detail what is happening in your life.
3. She does not object to your requests, except when very necessary
As a rule, any girl that is chronically disobedient or stubborn either does not love you or is too strong-willed to be controlled. When a girl loves you, she does your bidding at all times, except when it is necessary to reject.
4. She does not put too much pressure on you
Everybody wants to experience true peace of mind, and being with someone who does not give you undue pressure about what to do or who you are is one way to experience true peace. When a girl loves you, he shoves all your excesses under the carpet and accepts who you are becoming.
5. She tells you about other guys that are disturbing her
If a girl already has something going with you, and she has gotten really interested in you, she would not hesitate to tell you about the other guys who are getting on her nerves. By this, I mean she tells you about other guys who are showing interest in her but she clearly makes it clear to you that you are special above them all.
6. She is not tired of hearing from you or answering your calls
Have you ever called a girl at 11 pm and she answers you cheerfully? It feels great, doesn’t it? While this may be normal behaviour of girls who simply do not want to make you angry, they would soon become overwhelmed when you keep doing so. However, if a girl has fallen in love with you, she would appreciate the calls or would let you plan for a reschedule if she is extremely tired.
7. Her friends know good things about you
One of the signs that a girl likes you is that she would say good things about you to her friends. If you find that any of her friends act very friendly with you, especially when she is around, that is a good sign that she is telling good things about you.
Common Signs That Anyone (Guy or Lady) Truly Loves You
They want to have you around.
They tell you “I miss you” or “I love you”.
Your wellbeing is their concern even if it might be quite uncomfortable.
They go through the hard times with you.
They are emotionally connected with you; they understand how you would feel in any situation.
They ask you questions about the future.
They have grown to understand you even when nobody else does.
What It Means For Someone To Truly Love You
Previously here, we saw some notable differences between true love, lust, and mere attraction. When someone truly loves you, it means that they are ready to stick with you through the imperfections of the relationship they share with you.
We understand that love is a complicated feeling. Love is a strong feeling and when someone truly loves you, the bond is felt strongly from their commitment to you. Building this type of connection makes take only a few minutes, a few days, or years depending. But when true love is established, it can be palpably felt.
Love increases with time, even when the feelings have disappeared considerably. This is because the person who loves you takes you as their own selves and would only do to you what they would do to themselves. Again, when someone truly loves you, they make you an extension of themselves.
In any case, none of these means anything is not possible. Even the truest expressions can be nulled no matter how pure it was.
What do you do when you find out they did not truly love you?
If you have read the above signs and very few or even none apply to your partner, does it mean they don’t love you? Not absolutely. People are different in their own respects.
If you are unsure about your partner’s feelings, it is always best to ask him about your observations. This might not be very easy if it’s still an early relationship, but if you both have gone a few months or even years together. Another thing is that a conversation with your partner can help him realize where he is slacking in the relationship, and work towards them if he is still committed to the relationship.
Now, what if you have confirmed that someone does not truly love you?
It could be a budding relationship or one that has lasted for a few months or more. The first thing to do is to be double-sure that they do not truly love you. This is because these signs might not be as absolute as you think in determining if someone truly loves you or not, although they can go a long way into that.
If you find out that someone does not truly love you or is not interested in you as much as they claim to be, you should jealously guard your heart against falling in love with such a person. If you are really interested in them, you can ask them to describe to you what they actually feel about you. In most cases, they will already make you see their uncertainty in the relationship. We are humans and there is a limit to which we can hide some of these things.
It can be heartbreaking to find out that someone whom you have started thinking about does not love you, or not anymore, especially if a working relationship had been ongoing between you for a while now. In this case, you might need some help getting over the feeling of heartbreak. Even if you were not so interested in them, the mere thought that they do not truly love can make you feel heartbroken.
Recognizing the signs that someone truly loves you is not as difficult as you have seen. Confirming it and accepting it are what is. Every successful relationship is built on the foundation of love and if that is lacking from the start or early in your relationship with someone, you should be happy to leave.
Don’t worry, there is someone out there who will genuinely love you the way you should be loved, and you will find that person. I promise!
I am a seasoned writer, not because I am some genius but thanks to many years of trials, failure, and near successes. I curate the most content on this website; all geared towards making you a better and happier audience.