Many people may want to get married because their mates are married. They are pressured by their family and friends to get married or they think getting married to their partner immediately is the best way they can solidify their love for them.
But on second thought, you’d begin to have some misgivings about getting married, as though you are not ready for marriage. There is that personal feeling that you can’t make the lifelong commitment of getting married, at least not yet.
Also, questions may come up in your mind, or situations that make you rethink your decision to get married. These subtle feelings of doubt about married can arise in normal situations.
Many couples have even experienced these weird feelings as close as their wedding night. So much that we can assume to some extent that these feelings are normal. But in a significant number of cases, these feelings of unreadiness for marriage may actually be real. Here, you will find out some signs that may suggest that you are not ready for marriage.
By understanding these signs that you are probably not ready for marriage, you will know which areas of your life you need to develop for better preparedness for marriage.
9 Signs You Are Not Ready For Marriage
Let us explore these 9 signs that you may not be ready for marriage yet.
1. You can’t share your secrets with your partner
We all are aware that people have secrets they may be unwilling to share easily. It is normal to keep your secrets to yourself, especially when you are single. In contrast, the expectation is slightly different when you have a marital partner.
Sooner than later, you are going to begin your forever journey with the love of your life, and if you can’t share your secrets with them or if you find it very hard to do so, it may be a pointer that you are not ready for marriage.
Maybe you are afraid your partner will judge you, leave you, or may begin to express doubts about your union together. But if you are not comfortable sharing everything with your partner, problems can arise later in the marriage. Any marriage based on lies and deceit cannot last long, that’s a fact! And if being unable to share your secrets with your partner shows that you are emotionally unprepared for marriage.
2. You avoid communication
There are people who consistently compromise in order to maintain peace and calmness in their relationship. This might lead to them feeling resentful toward their partner as the months goes by.
If you cannot communicate well with your partner, you find it difficult to have good conversations with your partner, or are unable to air your grievances and reach resolutions, you are most likely not ready for marriage.
Some people avoid these necessary conversations because they feel it might lead to a fight but communication does not necessarily have to end in a fight if you understand each other. Avoiding fights by avoiding communication does not guarantee that you will escape meeting these things after marriage.
You need to learn how to communicate with your partner without resorting to a fight. Start by reading books about communication, or see a relationship coach or counsellor, amongst others. Learning these will better get you ready for marriage.
3. Your values don’t align with your partner
No two individuals are the same, and we have different preferences and tastes for things but you should not have a different set of values from your partner. This is because values are the building block on which your beliefs about life and marriage are established.
It is possible to have some different values in certain areas, but you must define your core areas and look out for compatibility in those areas. You should observe and inquire about your partner’s view on child-bearing and child-raising, religion, home/family life, savings, money allocation, etc. These are some basic areas where you and your partner’s views should perfectly align. If there is a misalignment in these, it may point to the fact that this may not be your most prepared moment to get married.
4. You cannot stay faithful to your partner
Marriage requires a commitment to work, and a conscious decision to stay faithful to your partner. Temptations to cheat on your partner will always show up but you need to be prepared to face them and stay faithful. If you are not able to stay faithful to your partner, it may be a clear indicator that you are not ready to settle down now. You probably still want to keep exploring life further.
You have a partner, but do you still constantly seek attention from the opposite gender, flirt, or cheat? If so, then it will be quite difficult for you to stay faithful in a long-term relationship or marriage. At this point, you are not ready for marriage but that does not mean you cannot change that if you put your mind to doing so.
5. You still want to explore
As a continuation from the last point, if you still want to explore the dating field, like you want to know who is still there, go on dates with various other people, or it feels as though you are caged, or there is someone better out there that you should wait for, then you are probably not ready to settle down in marriage yet.
Does it feel like you are missing out on someone else other than your partner? Your mind is still roaming and staying faithful to your partner will be difficult. Your partner does not want to feel like they are not important. I know you don’t too but if you do not feel motivated to give up this behaviour, that’s a sign you are not ready for marriage yet.
6. You don’t want to compromise
People are different, and two different people make up a relationship. For it to progress, making necessary compromises should be done.
Yes, you may prefer calls over text messages or chatting but your partner prefers otherwise. You may prefer spending time with your partner indoors, but they prefer going out to fun places with you. How do you handle that? This is where compromise comes in.
You are not expected to say yes to everything they want but you should know when to say yes. When you love someone, compromising some of your lifestyles to blend with theirs will not seem like a chore or an impossible sacrifice. It will be something you are willing to do because you love each other and are ready to get married.
7. You are not attracted to your partner
If you don’t feel attracted to your partner, it may mean that you do not want to spend your life married to them. If in the long run, you meet someone else you feel more attracted to, you might not be able to stop yourself from cheating.
This does not mean you will never find someone with more charms than your partner but there must be a baseline attraction you should feel towards your partner, especially at this early stage of your relationship with them.
Contrary to what many people claim, attraction is an important thing to consider before deciding to get married to someone. When you have no attraction, feelings, or whatsoever for your partner, it might be hard to stay faithful even after marriage.
8. You don’t trust your partner
Trust is one of the core pillars on which every lasting relationship or marriage is built. It is both earned and freely given. If you do not trust your partner enough or you do not believe in their integrity, it might mean that you are unprepared to marry them or any other person.
When you do not trust your partner, you will second-guess their every movement. You are over-curious about who they are with, who they are chatting with, or every person of the opposite sex that is getting close to them.
It’s normal to be jealous in any relationship but you don’t want to blow it out of proportion. Do you? Suspicion leads to jealousy, and sometimes being overprotective of your partner will make them feel suffocated, and want out of the marriage.
9. You are pressured
Amongst the reasons to get married, pressure is never one of them. Reasons like trying to please your family and your partner’s family, getting out of debt, or some other forms of pressure should not be your primary reasons for getting married at this time. Getting married to your partner out of the pure love you both have for each other should be the ultimate reason.
If you are getting married to your partner because everyone says so, or you are being pressured to do so, you are not ready for marriage.
Consider the fact that you will be spending forever with this person, so you don’t want to marry for the wrong reasons because the aftermath of a failed marriage can affect the rest of your entire adult life.
Final words
If any of these 9 signs apply to you, you need to rethink things through, work on yourself and make necessary amends before proposing or accepting your partner’s hand in marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a permanent thing. You should avoid making mistakes you will forever regret ever after.
