Is it wrong to date different people at the same time? This age-long argument of whether it is inappropriate or not to have multiple dates or partners simultaneously can look dicey to answer but here are some important thoughts to consider. But first, what does it mean to have multiple dates, or date multiple people?
One; there are certain people you like and are reciprocally interested in you. They could be more than one coming at you at the same time. So, you decide that since none of them have made any serious commitment to you, you just have to keep them all at arm’s length until either you finally decide who to go on with, or one of them chooses to get more serious with the relationship.
Two; someone enters into a pretentious relationship with you and several other people without each of you knowing about what is going on. You think you are the only one they are seeing but in reality, there are multiple other people just like you in the relationship. This is often for the purpose of exploitation for financial or sexual gains.
Every one of us may have experienced each of these scenarios of dating multiple people before. Some of us may have not, but sometimes, having multiple dates can be inevitable, and I will explain.
Why having multiple dates can be inevitable
First, let me quickly differentiate between “having multiple dates” and “dating multiple partners”. These are two distinct things; the first means you have more than one person that you are currently seeing on a casual level without any serious commitment yet. The second means you are giving each of them the impression that you are in a committed relationship.
The first may not be so wrong but the second doesn’t feel so right.
Like the first scenario from the previous section above, one may be confused about the suitor or partner to choose when they have several options on the table. This confusion might make one prefer to give them all a chance instead of pushing them away with one’s hands. This is what having multiple dates mean. The converse is true for “dating multiple people at the same time” in which case you are making each of them believe that you are the only one they are in a relationship with.
I once had an interaction with three ladies and two guys a couple of years ago (yes, they were my friends and colleagues at school). I asked them directly what they thought about double-dating. Then, one of the ladies retorted emphatically, “there is a clear difference between double-dating in the sense of having multiple dates and double-commitment”. According to her, having multiple dates is quite acceptable, but feigning a commitment to multiple people is problematic.
Pros of dating multiple people at the same time
Dating multiple people may seem to bring some benefits as you will see in this section but we have established that “dating multiple people” is different from “having multiple dates”.
1. Financial benefits
When you date multiple people, and you could successfully make all of them think you are not seeing anyone else, it can earn you extra financial benefits from them. They would individually send you money, gift items, and other things while you amass the items from each of them to get more than they individually thought you should have.
2. Better sexual enjoyment
If you are someone who prefers to engage in sexual activity with several people, you might have different options on your table when you are dating multiple people at the same time. You may have the opportunity to engage with each of them separately but things would only worsen when any of them discovers.
Cons of dating multiple people at the same time
This is what you need to focus more on. Dating multiple people and pretending to love them individually without letting others know can be risky. Here are some of its disadvantages.
1. They will feel hurt and disappointed when they find out
Being in a pretentious relationship with different people is risky because it is inevitable for one or more of them to find out about your ploy sooner or later. You can’t hide it forever, and when the truth comes to light, they will be very disappointed in you. Intentionally hurting people who genuinely care about you is not something you should be happy to do unless you are the devil himself which I believe you are not.
2. You will earn yourself a bad name
Whether you are double-dating because you want all the financial and sexual benefits, or because you just feel like doing so, dating multiple people will earn you a bad name when the truth spills out, and it’s only a matter of time before that happens. The person or people you hurt will continue to have you blacklisted in their memory and they would not hesitate to let other people know when the opportunity arises.
3. The stress is enormous
Keeping a relationship already has huge demands. Adding more partners to it means adding more stress to your relationship. In addition, because dating multiple people is not something you’d want your multiple partners to find out, you’d also do more to keep it a secret perpetually. This is not the kind of energy you need to expend right now.
4. You drive away suitors and potential partners
Being deceitful always comes with its own consequences, and dating multiple partners is one way you can make people see you as deceitful. The path of a snake is one that is hard to predict. When people refer to someone as a snake, they refer to how deceitful that person is. Being tagged as a ‘snake’ is the last thing you want in your dating life because it can potentially drive off all your suitors and interested partners now or in the future.
How “having multiple dates” is better than “dating multiple people”
Having multiple dates is better than dating multiple people, we have established that, haven’t we? Here are some reasons why going out on innocent dates with several people is better than pretending to be in a relationship with several people at the same time.
When you hear that “you should not put your eggs in one basket”, this is what it means. Having multiple dates means you are giving each of them a chance to prove themselves and being open to one of the others giving up on you or disappointing you.
Also, you don’t know the true intentions of everyone until you give them a chance. Not all that glitters is gold, and that means giving it time is one way you can tell the real value of something. If you are too quick to discard people, you may be throwing away people you should keep in your life.
By allowing them as your ‘casual’ dates, you keep them at arm’s length to allow them the chance to prove themselves or not.
How to safely have multiple dates at the same time
To reiterate, having multiple ‘casual’ dates is inevitable most of the time, and it is important you learn ways to handle it safely without causing problems for yourself or your potential partner(s). Here are some tips on how to safely have multiple dates at the same time without causing problems.
- Honestly let them know that you have other people in your life but are not committed to any yet and are open to a more serious relationship. This is important to say particularly when they asked.
- Make it open to them that they are also not under any obligations or restrictions not to see other people if they want.
- Avoid sleeping or engaging in random sex with the individuals with whom you are in multiple dating relationships to prevent things from getting more complicated.
- Promptly let your ‘chosen partner’ know that you are serious about the relationship once you have decided to be with them, and stop seeing the others immediately.
- Lastly, let the others know that things have changed and you are now in a serious relationship.
Having multiple dates can place you in a very bad position if not correctly done. I hope these tips above help you stay safe until you have chosen who to fall in love with.
Frequently asked questions about dating multiple people
1. Can I fall in love with multiple people at the same time?
The short answer is yes. You can fall in love with multiple people at the same time but that depends on the context in which we are talking about “falling in love”. To provide a more comprehensive answer to this question, we need to see what falling in love actually means and place it in context.
It is possible to fall in love with several partners at the same time, but according to Jess O’Reilly (Ph.D.), this depends on the type of relationship that gives the individual satisfaction. For most, a monogamous relationship feels better and sweeter, while the rest might prefer a polygamous or polyamorous relationship. For one who prefers a polyamorous relationship, it will be quite easy to fall in love with multiple people at the same time, while for the other, it would be a very energy-consuming process.
On the different types of love, non-romantic ‘agape’ love can accommodate as many people as you’d want, while erotic or romantic love primarily focuses on just one partner whom you may refer to as the love of your life.
2. Is dating multiple people cheating?
Dating multiple people means you are in a romantic relationship with two or more people without their knowledge, and this can be regarded as cheating. The only exception when this may not be referred to as cheating is if you agree with your partners to be in an open relationship with as many extra partners as you both like.
3. Is it wrong to date multiple people (at once)?
Yes, it is wrong to date multiple people at once because it shows a lack of commitment. You may date multiple people at once if you think none of them has shown serious interest in a relationship with you but you should set your boundaries to avoid creating complex problems for yourself in your dating life.
Daring multiple people often means that you are not fully decided on what you want, and this confusion is something you should resolve before you go on to date again.
4. Can one wife marry multiple husbands?
In a polyandrous marriage type, a woman is allowed to marry more than one husband but this practice is not a very common one. Two prominent areas of the world where polyandry is practiced include the Plateau of Tibet and Marquesas Island in the South Pacific, among others[1]Polyandry marriage | Britannica, but asides from these parts of the world, marrying multiple husbands may not be an acceptable practice.
Final words
As far as the evidence shows, the disadvantages of dating multiple partners seem to outweigh the benefits. Having multiple dates is different and preferable to dating multiple partners, however, it was important to showcase how to maintain multiple dates without creating problems for you and your partners until you get committed to one single person.
Questions about dating multiple are many but it is important to state that being open and honest in your relationship does you more than good both in the short run and in the long run.
References
| ↑1 | Polyandry marriage | Britannica |
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