A few weeks back, I wrote on reasons why some guys are too slow to propose to a lady for marriage. And just recently, an interaction I had with a friend gave me some great insights on why people seem not to be interested in any relationship at the moment.
As people get older, they begin to see the importance of making and building relationships. They begin to love and desire to be loved in return. My friend was no exception, save that he currently expresses that he is not interested in any intimacy for the time being.
Every once in a while, you see people who you may think are due for some serious relationships and marriage. Among this group, a subset of them are ready for some serious relationship and are currently actively searching. But the other group remains really unconcerned and disinterested in any intimate relationship.
What does disinterestedness mean in this regard? No emotions or feelings of attractions to anyone at the moment or just deciding not to stay committed to anyone?
Some people just consider that they are not going to succumb to any emotional pressures to go into a relationship because of some other pressing needs to attend to.
But before you are through with this post, you would have known the exact reason why my friend, like many other people, say they are not interested in any intimate relationship even when it becomes so glaring that someone is on their list.
He told me that a long time ago, he had been in a relationship, he would call intimate. He was much younger but for some anonymous reasons, it all ended up in a disappointing heartbreak. Since then, he said he has never been so interested in any intimate relationship with any lady.
Now that he is much more advanced in age and experience and has well advanced in his career, he still does not “feel the vibe for an intimate relationship”.
That leaves us with a good point of reasoning. Does every marriage depend on a prior long term relationship, which we otherwise refer to as dating?
That’s just by the way. For now, we just hope he will meet someone that will shake him off his stance.
Wondering if dating is necessary, also check this post on how to handle dating
Could the heartbreak he had when he was much younger has affected him so much that he does not want to ever move on? Are there some other reasons there?
My friend would outrightly deny being emotionally attached with a lady even when people see them as a perfect match already. Indeed, there are reasons why he has suddenly turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to anything that resembles matrimony of any sort. What are some of these reasons?
Why There Is No Interest In Intimate Relationships
1. Previous experiences:
Previous experiences of a serious heartbreak have the potential to make anyone detest intimate relationships in the future. Even after recovering from a heartbreak, your fears of experiencing another one may not be allayed so quickly.
2. Desire to pursue a career first:
This is by far one of the commonest reasons why a bachelor may not focus on intimate relationships with a lady who is willing to be with him. Career is extremely important and should be pursued very seriously. But one important question I always ask is “is it possible to handle all life’s aspect, including career, education, and relationships together and simultaneously?”
3. Money constraints:
When love is mentioned, some encounters will teach you that money is always ever involved. There are demands of money in every relationship. When people come together, they sometimes lay some demands on the other person because they consider that he/she should care enough to help.
However, in an intimate relationship, it goes beyond just that simple to a situation when the pressure is greatly heightened and this, so many people think is not ready to deal with.
4. Hates marriage:
Hatred for marriage is known as gamophobia. Yes, some people actually hate to marry for some reasons related to past personal and family experiences. I may not be able to pinpoint who truly hates marriage yet but it is just worth noting.
5. Not ready to settle down:
Many people think they do not have what it takes to handle marriage effectively. This is in aspects of money, tolerance, and maturity. The only way they prevent falling into marriage against their own will is to give a really deaf ear towards anything involving a commitment to an intimate relationship.
There are many other reasons you could come out with and these above may suffice.
But, if you’d ask yourself, is it possible to be without having someone you are attracted to at the moment, we will all arrive at a common conclusion. Most of the times, when people say they are not interested in an intimate relationship, they are not implying that they do not have feelings for anybody at that time. They are only not sure if they should act on the feelings they may be having towards them.
Many times, people are scared of making their relationship officially intimate because they fear that the person they are falling in love for may not believe in the same values, or share the same social understanding as they do. These will cover personal ideas, religious beliefs and values, emotional intelligence, or cultural backgrounds.
Hence, at this point, you will hear them say they are not interested in any relationship. You may not probe too deep before you realise that there is actually someone they secretly admire or are already friends with but they are just afraid to let them know that it can be more than just that.
In the end, it becomes glaring that all the reasons put forward are only a cover to what they actually feel. They are just not sure that it will be the right choice for them. In other words, they think there is no compatibility with the person they most admire.
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