As a young person, a time comes in your life when you begin to feel the need to have someone closer than just a companion in your life. This typically begins quite early but many guided adolescents may want to focus on their dreams and avoid the distractions of relationship and dating.
As time progresses, it becomes a necessary thing to do for two reasons:
- To find who you are most compatible with for marriage.
- To learn more about the opposite sex.
For you to handle your relationship and marriage well enough, there are some things you must have known over time. And you don’t get to learn them in marriage. Of course, there are some things you will learn while being married but it is too risky to ignore the basic things and jump into marriage.
This is a guide that will expose young people who are new to dating to some ways through which I was able to go through my first dating. It was an experience I will always be grateful for.
While growing up, I was an overtly focused chap with very high dreams and standards such that I was not really overtly drawn to women. It may be due to my upbringing too, but I can also recall that I had an awful emotional experience I will not disclose when I was very tender and that experience made me to particularly treat women with extra caution as though they are evil.
But as I grew older, I developed feelings for different young ladies and even though I did not have the intention of having anything serious with them, I just wanted to be close to them and share some affectionate time with them. But this did not happen in my secondary education days because I was not ready to go the extra mile for something I’m not going to be serious with.
I had my first real crush in the Junior high school(Junior secondary class 1) and it all ended with daydreams and wishful thinkings. At these ages, parents watch their children, especially their daughters very closely so you would expect that anything you will feel for a young girl at that age would not get past your own mind.
But we had to part our separate ways before anything else could happen. You still want to know about my first dating, right?
My First Dating Experience
This is a phase that almost everyone who has not read a post like this would certainly experience at some point in their life.
I was naive and really green to such things but I was ready to explore. I would call it my first fake dating experience.
This happened in my first year at university. I had a crush on a lady and frankly, I didn’t even know what kind of feelings I had for her. I was attracted to her lifestyle and some core values that she kept at that time and I just concluded that she could be the one I should spend my life with.
She, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be ready for anything at that time. I thought it could be too early but I’ve always wanted to be with someone I knew all along as if that was my calling.
So I wanted to develop a friendship with her and then find the right time to tell her the feelings she was already suspecting I had. But it just wasn’t right with her.
So when I realize that we would be parting soon, (because I had to leave to another faculty), I had to open up to her bluntly, “I think I like you and would like to be with you for the rest of my life”. But what was I thinking? …someone I have not even known or really gotten close with? It was a very big risk but I was willing to take it because I had hopes that it could end just well because I was determined to do what it takes to keep it working. But little did I know that you need something more than just willingness to stay together.
Every woman desires a man who is emotionally mature and if I must emphasize, this maturity does not come just like that. I have had to learn to be more mature both the easy and the hard ways as I grew.
This dating experience is what I call a fake dating experience because it was far from being mutual. Only I was involved. The other person was not in it with me. This happens very commonly to young people but the outcome goes on to strengthen your emotional physique and ultimately makes you more mature.
But then, after a few years time, I had another similar experience but this time, there was a higher chance we could get on together.
My First Likely Dating Experience
This was similar to the first but not absolutely. This time, I was attracted to a young lady who was not yet in the University but I loved to be with her. I was more attracted to her than the first one. I loved her because she was very honest. There is almost nothing she didn’t open up to me. But she had someone else she loved more.
This experience is also very common and almost completely unavoidable. It was quite easier for me to deal with because she was really sorry that she had to make me go through it that way. But it was mainly because I was too naive to handle it the right way.
Over time, I have learnt to be more careful and observant before making any move to be serious and committed. But unfortunately, this was a quality the ladies feared so much because it makes them unsure who is committed or not.
My First Dating-like Experience
I have always wanted to marry the only person I would date, but as the events rolled by I thought that was not going to be the case anymore.
This was a dating-like experience because the chances that she would say yes to my advances were greatly increased. She was a beautiful young lady who I met at the ATM gallery while in school. We exchanged numbers and the chase began.
She told me on one occasion that she was not ready for a relationship but as a tough guy that I was, I had to keep on with my persuasion. I gave her gifts and called her but she obviously didn’t love me the way I wanted her to.
Everything went down the mine when she perceived that I was becoming too overbearing even before she had agreed to be with me. I had assumed she was already with me when in fact, she was still thinking about it.
I had the worst feeling of heartbreak ever after this but I had to go through it. She broke up by ignoring me totally and blocking every access I had to her. I expected a better way of breaking up at least but I didn’t get that.
My First Real Dating Experience
After a long time of staying away from relationships and to heal from my last heartbreak, I met another young lady. In her case, I was interested not just in her beauty but also in the kind of strong conviction she had about the things she does. She was a resilient dark-skinned lady but nothing really started before it went down the drain.
Just around the last half of the last year, I met someone I would want to refer to as “the love of my life”. An old childhood friend I have always loved but never had the chance to tell her anything significant. When I met her again, we just connected and she loved me naturally such that I did not have to give her gifts before she approved her relationship with each other.
The love continues to grow through hills and bounds, scaling through the periods of disagreement together. It is one mark of identifying the woman you should marry, having to stay committed with you even when you make mistakes.
How I Carefully Handled My First Dating
Of course, I already mentioned that not only was my first dating fake but even the next two after it. Fake experiences everywhere, hm? But these experiences can leave anyone with errors that will tell gravely in the entire life afterwards. But this was how I handled these experiences to avoid errors and to keep my sanity.
- I bottled up my feelings by writing them down at the end of every day
- I didn’t let it distract me from my dreams
- I kept marriage over everything else
- I studied her from a distance
- The disappointment did not overwhelm me
Those were some of my evening muses at the end of an eventful day with the crush in my first fake dating. As a young person, writing down your experiences will help you better understand your feelings and ensure that you do not forget your set-down standards. It keeps you at alert and wary of the situations, such that when you go wrong you quickly think of a way to right your wrongs.
I was a much younger then and I knew I should not jeopardize my dreams for anything I was not entirely sure about. Imagine having to realize how fake the relationship you think you are is, and you have wasted everything else you have. It is going to be more than just a heartbreak, isn’t it?
There are high chances that one will run into some avoidable errors on their first attempt to go into a relationship if they are not properly guided. Hence, you must take precautions to avoid such errors and their corresponding impacts to your life.
It has been noticed that when you keep marriage above every other thing in any relationship you get into, you are likely to make better choices and avoid running into avoidable errors.
First, ask yourself what you want to achieve from the relationship you are about to go into. If you are just attracted to this person and you do not have any other concrete reason why you need to make out with them, you are more likely to run into errors. And you are not likely to get exploited by them, even while your dreams and ambitions suffer the loss too.
You know what? If you are going to walk on a snow lake, you first have to test the waters ahead for cracks before you tread on.
I knew I was going to know whoever I wanted to be with to an extent that I would be satisfied with. So I watched her lifestyle from a distance, stylishly inquired about what she does and I discovered that she was not as quiet as I thought. I loved it that she had time for talking and having fun too anyways. I also observed at close contacts on other occasions.
When she told me that it was just a fantasy, I quickly adjusted and moved and documented it at the end of the day on my diary (4th image above). I maintained a friendship with her and we are still close friends till this day. I even had a chance to thank her for being so open and for not exploiting my vulnerabilities. But that was all about my first dating experience.
Having to get into a relationship is something you can never escape getting into. Many schools of thoughts have argued that dating and relationships before marriage are not appropriate but evidence and real-life experiences have proven them wrong, further asserting that taking time to know the person you are maritally interested in saves you from many problems after marriage.
However, the problems associated with unhealthy relationships have made it important to prepare one adequately before allowing them to fully explore the world of dating and relationships. It’s worth an adventure anyways.
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