At the core of every relationship is the need to know more about your partner so that you can understand them better and grow your love for each other. When a relationship fails, one of the most pressing needs of one or both is the need to find out why their partner dumped them the way they did.
In other words, guys try to understand their ladies, and ladies the guys. But in the end, the truth gets to them in one of two ways; learning from personal experiences to deal better with the opposite sex in a relationship or learning from someone else.
Earlier, I wrote a post on reasons why guys are too slow to propose for marriage. It was clear why it becomes so frustrating for young ladies who hopefully want to get married to the love of their life, who is rather not so interested in taking the lead.
Just recently, I was engaged in a one-off discussion with a friend who has had much experience in relationship matters. I sought to find out what he thinks about dating and how best to handle it in order to be sure you are making the right choice. And then, I picked up what I would otherwise call the most important secret guys kept from you in 2019.
When it comes to things like this, it is hardly ever one-sided, so by extension, this is also a secret that some ladies also kept too. Keep reading as I unveil this secret together.
Dating becomes a really serious goal when the common interest circles down to getting married in a few years down the line. From my earlier post, slow guys may not be very too certain for over-serious commitments. But to a few others, their actions stem from this secret that they kept to themselves all along.
When asked why he does not have a woman in his life at this point, my learned friend couldn’t entirely hide the fact that there was someone in his life already. So why the expressions of uncertainty?
One thing matured guys have learnt over the years is not to be too sure or certain of anything as far as relationship and marriage are concerned. At least, a few past experiences of very grave and heartless disappointments should teach them just that. But someday, they will suddenly become confident to ask her, “will you marry me?”.
Indeed, this secret has been instrumental in gaining back that confidence to act right and at the time they did. But once again, what is this secret?
The Dating Secret
One would wonder, are guys trying to protect their once shattered hearts from further damage? Or are they are just being careful to choose aright? That’s a question for another day.
At this point, you may be more curious than me in finding out dating secrets. But every guy gets to a point when they realize it is important to find the best woman for their dreams. Not just guys, ladies too understand that the right person for them would be able to take care of them and help nurture their needs and dreams likewise. But sometimes, they would be scrap all the stuff behind and focus on how much he has already become.
Men are not angry when they spend on a woman but they first want to find out if she believes in their process. Bill Gates, the many-time world’s richest man married already a millionaire but how was he able to find out a woman who believes in “his process”?
Finding the person who believes in your process makes living and succeeding worthwhile. But meeting someone who only loves outcome can end any man up in dungeons. So men have devised this secret weapon to find the one for them, especially when they seem to have arrived.
My name is Prosper Yole, just in case you did not know before. And one day, a senior friend and brother talked with me on the phone and as we discussed, there was an opportunity for him to finally tell me how ladies flocked around him, confusing him on who to finally decide to stay with. But he would later begin adopting this dating secret that I am sharing already.
As I discussed at length with my yet unmarried learned friend, I found out there is actually ‘someone’ in his life at the moment. But still, he tried to sound as if he is still vigorously searching. His plan was to make me and the girl believe that they are simply friends, or you would otherwise say “top-level friends” with whom anything is possible. He tries to keep a safe emotional distance, at the same time looking outside for a possible best for them. And like I said earlier, things like this are hardly ever one-sided. Ladies do this too. I am beginning to think the guys learnt it from the ladies. After all, ladies are naturally the centre of attraction by many guys, and they are naturally bound to get confused when they consider the plethora of worthy suitors.
Guys who have not popped the big question have not done so because they believe that they can only find out how true a woman’s feelings are by how true they are when “serious word” has not been altered. In other words, they try to observe her actions when signs of a proposal for marriage are not forthcoming.
This goes on to support the belief that it is best to marry one’s best friend. This translates that you know who they are even when there were no marriage strings attached.
Anyone can pretend or feign some attitude to please anyone or just make a great fit, especially when they are interested in you for some reasons. We cannot, however, blame them entirely for doing so because it points out what extent they are able to give up themselves for you. On the contrary, though, it is generally safer to be more keenly interested in “default states”, that is, natural attitudes before feelings of love started creeping in.
That is why many guys would not validate a girl as their girlfriend when you call their attention to it. It may be obvious that they are not genuinely rejecting but with the way they would reluctantly admit and very passively say “we are just there”, you can be sure they love her too.
People want to know why they are loved or hated. In an attempt to woo a lady, a guy may try to amplify some of her cool features to her hearing in a bid to get her attention but ladies. Ladies would only laud her man when she is formally or semi-formally asked about him. But the puzzle remains that would they still love me when that cool stuff is no more there? It’s not as if they anticipate the removal of what attracts their partner, or as though they would actually lose it. But they do that just to be able to find out who deserves them the most.
My learned friend was not ashamed to add a more heavy statement that “whatever good qualities your wife or wife-to-be possess, there will always be someone else who beats them at it”. There will always be more beautiful and handsome people, wealthier people at some stages in their lives, thus, completely eliminating the fact that you are probably getting on with the best there is. The desire of anyone is to be your best and to be considered important in your life.
Before guys finally ask your hand out for a ring, or before a lady would nod in consent, they just want to ensure that you have placed them as the best thing that can ever happen to them. So as you become very impatient, simple move away because you deserve better, or they deserve better. Ultimately, you would not regret losing them much because you’d find out it was indeed one of the best ways to find out who considered you the best in their lives.
There are two topmost ideas that this secret of the decade is in favour of this. First, people need a genuine relationship based on friendship and trust first. And second which holds like a universal truth is the very fact that “Time will always tell”. Let this knowledge enable you to think better, act better and judge rightly when you are faced with situations that need it because this shall not just be a secret of 2019, but it shall perpetually remain.
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