My name is N.K. I am a 32-year-old Nigerian woman. I got dumped by my fiancee after dating him for 6 years. We loved each other and he promised to marry me, but recently, things started getting sour until we eventually had to split. I was faithful to him in the relationship. Because of the love and trust I had for him, I allowed him to take my virginity.
2 years ago, I met the supposed love of my life. I fell easily and hard in love with him, and I still do. But recently, he left me on the premise that I make him feel less of himself. My name is CB, and I am a 27-year-old lady from the United States. To be honest, I constantly nag him for his poor dental hygiene; which I think is the primary reason he dumped me.
Everyone has been telling their own story. Here is mine:
I am JR, a 32-year-old lady based in Nigeria. I dated my now ex-boyfriend for 4 solid years. He was someone I see as my first true boyfriend. The rest before him were either not serious or I didn’t like them. I met him a virgin and I am still preserving my virginity but four years down the line, he dumped me for the simple reason that he wanted to marry me so that I can allow him to have sex with me, but whenever he talks about marriage, I turned him down because I was just 26 years and felt I wasn’t ready for marriage.
The stories of unexpected breakups and dumping are endless. Here is the last one before we proceed.
I, a 26-year-old lady, dumped my boyfriend because I found out he was cheating on me with a girl at his workplace. I have made it clear to him that cheating, in any form, is an instant deal-breaker for me but he went ahead to cheat on me.
Just so you know, these are real-life stories from real people I found on a forum. The names were intentionally abbreviated. Why did your ex dump you?
Many times, you wonder why your ex-partner dumped you. Sometimes, the reason is pretty obvious but in some cases, you might be wondering really hard to know what exactly happened.
Why You Need to Know the Reasons Your Ex Dumped You
Every relationship, no matter the outcome, teaches us a lesson about love and relationship. You learn about what you can do better, what you can change, and how you can be your best for your definitive partner. Thus, it’s no wonder you are trying to figure out why your ex-partner dumped you. Your subconscious is trying to pick out the lessons from the breakup for reflection.
Here in this post, you will find the answers to your perturbing question of why your ex who seemingly loved you, suddenly turned their back on you and never returned. And just in case, you feel it’s not necessary to find out the reasons your ex dumped you, especially because you are beginning to have a tough time asking yourself rhetorical questions that have no answers, the answers you seek are right ahead in this post.
Before then, here are a few reasons why you actually need to know why your sex left you.
- To get closure.
- To know your mistakes and learn from them.
- To understand the general reasons why someone might leave their partner.
- To know if they loved you from the beginning or not, etc.
Top Possible Reasons Why Your Ex Dumped You
The aim of these is not to make you feel bad about yourself, or regret what you did or didn’t do. It is for you to clear your mind about why they left and how you can do better in your next relationship. Remember, sometimes it’s not about you. They just did not love you or deserved you enough.
1. He/she wasn’t interested in you
By far, the commonest reason why your ex-partner would suddenly ghost you without feeling any remorse is if they were not interested in you in the first place. Sometimes, when we like someone, we effortfully push ourselves into them without noticing the signs that they are not interested in us.
Finding someone who genuinely loves you is not such a common thing these days. Sometimes, when you have demonstrated to them that you truly love them, they might reconsider and give you a chance. But deep down, they truly do not like you as such.
In a case like that, later in the relationship when things start getting bland and boring, they will fall back to their default state when they felt little or no affection for you. In this situation, any little fault from you can make them walk away and never look back.
A good way to avoid this is to look out for the signs that someone is interested in you, even if it is just by a little.
2. You did not or no longer satisfy them
People enter a relationship for several reasons. They want to be satisfied in one way or another. For some, it could be the basic requirements of marriage, attitude, and companionship. For others, the list can be very daunting. For whatever is contained in their list, your ex may have dumped you because you did not satisfy some of their desired needs.
To some, sex is what they need. Others, money, love, respect, companionship, and so on. Whatever reasons there are, it’s easy to leave someone if you feel you are not satisfied by them in the relationship.
Also, without commitment, your partner or ex could have felt like they have seen it all with you. Especially, if you have really been very open to them. They suddenly feel like there is nothing new about you anymore, and this can make them dump you unexpectedly.
It can be a very painful experience, but you just need to brace up. You will always find someone who loves and deserves you.
3. They met someone else
It’s strange how we think we want something only to find out later that it’s something else we actually want. Many people are indecisive about what they want from their relationship partners. They think you are the perfect person for them but later realize that there is someone else who they think is more perfect for them.
There is a big problem with that ideology. First, it is erroneous to base your criteria on physical looks only. It is fine to go for the physical qualities that attract you but that should not be the only thing you put your focus on.
Also, it is not right to look for one perfect individual who checks your boxes a hundred per cent. There is no such person. Rather, you should look out for the things you most desire in them, so you can neglect the few flaws they may have.
If your ex lacked some of these basic ideologies, he/she may have left you for someone else because they thought they are better than you for them. Don’t fret. Wipe your tears, because they definitely have lost a gem they would never find again.
Cheating from both sides of any relationship can raise some doubts and uncertainties in the relationship. Cheating is one of the commonest reasons why a partner would dump the other.
If you cheated on your partner and they found out, your partner may not be willing to tolerate such behaviour from you, especially if the relationship is still very young.
Cheating is not an absolute deal-breaker in relationships. Some partners can forgive and let go after they have been cheated upon, but other people may not take it the same way.
In any case, it is not a good practice to cheat on your partner. Whereas there are many justifications for cheating and how cheating can be safely done, cheating can never be justified whether or not your partner is understanding and forgiving.
Immaturity in a relationship has several branches we can explore. First, there is emotional immaturity where a partner does not know how to interpret the emotions of the other. This is what you may otherwise call emotional insensitivity and it’s most commonly seen among ladies who think their man does not understand their emotions well enough.
Ladies love it when you understand them, everybody does really. It is emotional immaturity if you don’t try to project into what and why they are thinking and acting the way they do. This way, you can know exactly how to solve the problem they are facing or help them do so. Otherwise, they might just dump on the premise that you are not emotionally mature.
Other aspects of maturity that can play out here include self-control and discipline, especially when it has to do with anger management, financial management, and/or family-building ability, etc.
6. Behavioural incompatibility
There are many things we all need to know about compatibility in a relationship. We sometimes find some traces of incompatibility here and there in our partners, especially in the way they behave and act. You might feel very uncomfortable about it and this can make you feel that you are compatible with them.
Gross behavioural incompatibilities can result in a breakup. Some of these can reflect from abnormal sexual, lifestyle, and vocational behaviours you may find discomfit. It could be a reason why your partner leaves you if they think your behaviour is not compatible with theirs.
An important to note about compatibility is that compatibility is a matter of commitment, not perfection. You don’t need a hundred per cent compatible partner. You only need someone who is committed to you as much as you are committed to them.
Other Reasons Why Your Ex Dumped You
Here are other specific reasons why your partner dumped you. These may have featured in the above reasons, but rather vaguely.
- Financial reasons.
- Lack of commitment to marry.
- Dissent from parents.
- Poor advice from friends.
- They have gotten what they wanted; time to leave, etc.
Girls and Guys; Who Dumps their Partner More in a Relationship?
Breakups are inevitable, and as Nigerians would put it, “Everyone go chop breakfast”. But on the matter of who dumps their partner more, a study done by YouGov, an international research data and analysis group headquartered in London, showed that women dump their partners more than men.
The results showed that 76 per cent of women admitted to ending their long-term relationship, while only 62 per cent admitted to the same. 84 per cent of men also admitted to being dumped in their previous relationship while only 67 per cent of women claimed they were dumped.
Going by these, it is clear that women dump men more in relationships. If for no other reason, I have my own experiences too.
What To Do After Knowing The Reasons Your Ex Dumped You
Knowing the reasons your partner dumped is only the first step. It does not end there. Now that you have seen 6 important reasons why your ex probably dumped you, what next?
Here are a few things you can do after knowing the reasons your ex dumped you.
- Move on with your life – don’t get fixated on the past your shared with them.
- Learn your lessons, if necessary.
- Learn to identify the signs that someone is or is not interested in you from the start.
It’s okay to seek reasons, especially when you’ve shared some intimacy and bond with your ex. It can seem unbelievable that they left you despite how much you loved each other. But these things are real, there is a limit to how much we deny their existence. However, you’ve now seen 6 likely reasons why your ex left you and how these reasons can help you move on.
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