Hi, my name is NK. I was dumped by my fiancee after about 6 years of dating. We have always loved each other and he promised to marry me. But this last year, things started going out of hand and we had to split. I was faithful to him and he was the one who took away my virginity. N.K(32F), Nigeria
I am JR, a 32-year-old lady who is based in Nigeria. I dated my ex-boyfriend for 4 good years. He was my first true boyfriend. I was a virgin when I met him, and I left him still a virgin. I was committed to keeping myself, but I really loved him too. We went apart for a very simple reason; he wanted to get married and be free to have sex with me, but I wasn’t ready for marriage at that time. I was 26 then, and now, he is no more in my life. JR(32F), Nigeria
I, FI, a 26-year-old lady left my boyfriend by ghosting him because I found out that he has been cheating on me for a few months with a girl from his workplace. I have always made it clear to him that any form of cheating is an instant deal-breaker for me and I will be out of the relationship without any hesitation and that’s exactly what I did. FI(26F), USA
I started dating my ex-boyfriend about 7 months ago when I started college. And for some flimsy excuses, he left me at a time I needed him most. He has apologized countless times for his behaviour but I am considering breaking up with him after all. I need some advice on this too. IA(18F), USA
2 years ago, I met the love of my life. I fell quickly and hard for him, I have to admit. But very recently, we had a fight over something that I now consider too trivial to break us up. I constantly nagged him for his poof dental hygiene. He has never seen a dentist for many years and the smell from his mouth was malodorous. But afterwards, he left me on the premise that I make him feel less of himself. CB(27F), USA
There are a bunch of other stories about how dating partners who never ended up as they thought they would. After long years of knowing and loving themselves, you or your ex just left without looking back. It is a very common thing that a partner suddenly leaves the other after a long time of spending time together, expressing their love and undying support for each other. In most of the cases, the female partner feels the greater disappointment for obvious reasons. And because of this, most ladies are scared or sceptical about the affirmative words of their would-be male partner that is wooing them at the time. Truth be told, there I countless cases I have witnessed or heard of about how the guy dumped the girl for another and the first question that anyone would logically ask is “why did he have to leave her?”. It is more common for the guys to dump the ladies leaving behind a very huge scar of a 0disappointment than for ladies to do the same. But suffice to add that, guys are usually more committed to a relationship when they mean it than the ladies. How then are they the ones who more commonly leave the stage than the ladies?
Why Does The Guy Leave Her?
There are many different reasons why guys leave their lady, a woman they have pushed affection at over the past days, weeks, months or even years. It is supposed to be a hard decision, don’t you think? But obviously, it doesn’t seem hard for most of them. Guys are beings with conditions, and what I mean by this is that they are usually very demanding. They want certain conditions to be met before they move on with a woman. The length of time you have spent dating a man does not equate to how difficult it will be for him to leave, you know right?
Many guys leave their lady because they are not meeting one or more of their important conditions. A guy can be let go of many things when he truly loves you but the one thing he would never tolerate is if you begin to make him feel like he does not deserve to have you. That feeling may overcome him, leaving him with pain in his heart to go look for someone who truly wants him. Guys only leave when they feel they think they have done all they can, they leave with anger or some sort of emotions that they loved her but she didn’t want the same. This is one reason why it is usually harder for a guy to just leave her girl without thinking about the outcome. Girls, on the other hand, leave when they think they won’t be comfortable with the guy in the future. We are going to see these shortly.
When a guy wants to leave, he wants to make sure that he can tell anyone comfortably that the girl did not love him and that’s why he left her. He wants to muster some pain in his mind each time he sees her. It, therefore, seems as if guys only move on out of pain or anger. Without this pain or anger, guys would keep loving until they probably forget naturally. Guys are logical and more driven by reason than by emotions. They then evoke their emotions by the reasons they have.
From the stories above, you will see that anyone who hears the story of how the guys left their exes would feel their pain and bear with them too. But that is almost the opposite for the ladies. Let’s see that now. That is not to say that guys are saintly when it comes to walking out of a relationship. Every successful relationship has a common tenet of commitment.
Let us now see why ladies leave guys who they may have spent a lot of time with. First, ladies can leave guys for the most trivial reasons ever. They judge the looks, finance and most importantly, the attitudes of the guy over time. When a lady loves a guy, she learns to put up with most of his behaviours just like the guy would also do, but when they think there is something important that you keep doing even after they have told you about it, some of them would dare to leave. Another reason why a lady leaves is if she thinks the guy is emotionally insensitive. And this entails that the guy should respond to the emotional needs of the girl. When a guy keeps staying distant from a lady, no matter how innocent the lady may seem, she would easily mark the guy as emotionally immature and insensitive. It can be that serious. They want a man who would hold them and comfort them emotionally and he keeps his own sane distance, they extrapolate it to the future, that he won’t be sensitive too. Ladies leave for the most flimsy excuses ever, but in all, they do it with their own best intentions at heart. After all, it is better to avoid something they cannot tolerate later, no matter how trivial it may seem.
Other factors may be implicated as the reasons why your ex left you, but topmost is the lack of commitment or the sudden reception of the sense of incompatibility by one or both partner is/are often the major factor(s) in play.
How To Avoid Being Left
You would think of this as having to avoid everything that could upset your partner and make them leave, but that is not the case here. No matter how hard you try to stay guiltless before your partner, you still end up hurting them at some point. And secondly, the foundation of every relationship must never be based on pretence. You must try to leave your best free life as possible. But what makes the difference, is your willingness to right your wrongs when your partner tells you about them.
The truth is I cannot begin to list a set of rules and regulations to follow to avoid being left or dumped by your partner now but only one rule actually stands in this regard, the desire to get better each day by consciously listening to your partner and making efforts to make amends to the things they point your attention to.
And more superiority, staying together is a product of the unwavering and continuous decisions to stay committed to your partner. If your partner is not committed in you, there is absolutely nothing you can do to keep them, not even been the most righteous saint would do it.
In actual fact, one first way to avoiding left is to get serious only with someone who shares the same or almost the same commitment with you. That way, you are able to scale up through the hurdles of the hard times that are almost always inherent in every relationship.
How To Make Your Ex Come Right Back To You
You may have seen it somewhere that you can actively make your ex to come back to you, but I must forewarn you now that may not the best decision ever. I often tell people, “if your ex was bold and heartless enough to leave the way he/she did, then they actually do not deserve you”. Those sources that claim that you can meet your ex and get back together peacefully ever after may have forgotten that it is not only about getting back together, it is about sustaining the re-union that matters.
Making your ex return to you without that same commitment to stay with you through your ills and wrongs would set you both in a never-ending loop; of a break-up, make-up, break-up, make-up, tending to infinity.
Ultimately, it is as painful as anything painful to watch your partner drift through the wind that leads away from your bosoms, thinking about why they left is always a good way forward but sacrificing your head on the altar of trying to have them back is like the purposeless drifting of the flax in the wind.
I am a seasoned writer, not because I am some genius but thanks to many years of trials, failure, and near successes. I curate the most content on this website; all geared towards making you a better and happier audience.