Have you ever heard the phrase ‘loyal to a fault’ and wondered what it means? Being loyal to a fault simply means demonstrating loyalty to someone who is not worthy of your loyalty, either because they are not also loyal to you or because they take advantage of your loyalty to them.
The Urban Dictionary defines being loyal to a fault as taking loyalty to the extreme, to a magnitude that causes more harm than good.
Loyal to a fault takes origin from 14th-century British English words, “loyal” meaning “to show constant support or allegiance to someone or an institution”, and “to a fault”, which is an idiomatic expression meaning “being extreme or excessive”. Therefore, being loyal to a fault means being extremely, excessively, or overly allied or supportive of someone, something, or some idea. The fault in the phrase literally means a crack or a weakness that may eventually result in a total breakage or breakdown.
Other common synonyms include blind faithfulness, excessive loyalty, and overt devotion.
Beyond understanding what being loyal to a fault means, we also need to know how this impacts our lives and relationships. In this post, we see how being loyal to a fault is a weakness, and signs that one is loyal to a fault in any relationship.
Loyalty to a Fault: How It Is a Weakness
Being loyal to a fault is a weakness because the loyalty is undeserving. Loyalty is a beautiful thing in itself, but when it is shown to someone who does not reciprocate it or who would take advantage of your loyalty, it becomes a weapon against yourself.
Many people question, “Do I stop being loyal to someone because they are abusing my loyalty?”, and the truth is that it is difficult to stop being loyal all of a sudden because you think or see that the other person is turning your loyalty to a fault.
But being loyal to a fault keeps you in emotional or physical captivity. Relationships should be mutual, not one-sided or parasitic. Thus, any relationship that costs you your happiness, destroys your self-esteem and mental health, drains your energy, or puts your life at risk should be re-evaluated so that you can know how to better channel your trust and loyalty.
Signs That You Are Loyal to a Fault
There is often a thin line between healthy loyalty and loyalty to a fault. This is because loyalty to a fault is the same loyalty demonstrated to someone who is undeserving of it. It is defined based on the character of the recipient, but only because the person showing the loyalty has not stopped doing so for so long.
Knowing the signs that your loyalty has become to a fault is important to take actions that protect your peace, mental health, safety, and happiness. Thus, we explore the signs that one is being loyal to a fault in a relationship.
1. You endure for too long, even when it hurts
Enduring a relationship that hurts you every time for too long is one sign that you are loyal to a fault in that relationship. You should be in a relationship with someone who is also loyal to you, not one who tramples on your loyalty. And if you notice that your loyalty is beginning to hurt you, you might need to discuss it or take necessary actions.
2. You justify their behavior even when it hurts you directly
Defending someone who is hurting you looks like a noble act, but that’s another sign that you are loyal to a fault. It’s okay to justify their behavior when it involves someone else, but doing so against your own self feels more like loyalty to a fault.
3. You feel guilty for putting yourself first
Loyalty is putting each other first—you put your partner first; they also put you first. But if your partner does not put you first—that is, not loyal to you—and you are still feeling guilty for putting yourself first, this is a clear sign that you are loyal to a fault in that relationship.
4. You forgive repeated betrayals while they keep on at it
Forgiveness is a virtue, and one that is needed in every type of relationship, but forgiving someone who does not even think about their actions is a sign that you are loyal to a fault. This shows that they know that they have the freedom to do whatever they choose because you won’t leave, no matter what they do.
Every viable relationship should be built on mutual love and respect. Even if you have to forgive a million times over, let it be that your partner acknowledges their wrongs and actively tries to do better each time.
5. You fear confrontation and conflict
Someone who is loyal to a fault in their relationship might fear confrontation or conflict with the other party because that may threaten the stability of the relationship. Though conflicts are not what anyone desires in a relationship, in most cases, they are inevitable. A healthy relationship thrives on respectfully navigating conflicts together within the relationship.
To fear confrontation because you are scared of losing the relationship means you consider yourself completely dependent on them. This can be detrimental to your health, safety, or peace of mind, either now or in the long run.
6. You excuse their bad behavior
This is similar to the above point on forgiving repeated betrayals. When you make it a pattern to excuse their bad behaviors rather than at your own detriment, you are probably loyal to a fault in that relationship.
7. You prioritize their needs over your values
Prioritizing their needs over your values might be a sign that you have lost yourself to please them. You needn’t sacrifice yourself and your peace to keep a relationship. Your relationship should allow you uphold your own values while still feeling loved and accepted.
How to Stop Being Loyal to a Fault
To stop being loyal to a fault in any relationship you are in, you need to look deep into yourself to redefine your perception of your self-worth. You may find it difficult to see yourself without them in your life.
The following steps will show you how to stop being loyal to a fault and actually get the loyalty you deserve.
1. Do self-reflection
Again, quitting loyalty to a fault begins with looking into yourself. What are the ways you think you are worthless without them? Do you think that they are doing you a favor by being with you? These are important questions you should ask yourself to understand why you are being loyal to a fault.
2. Redefine your idea of loyalty
Consciously learn to understand that loyalty shouldn’t come at the expense of your own happiness. Healthy loyalty is about honesty, respect, and reciprocity, not losing yourself.
3. Discuss with your partner
If you think they might not be intentionally being disloyal in the relationship, having a conversation is one way to express yourself to get a clearer picture of what the underlying issues are.
4. Practice self-care
Self-care is simply about loving yourself and taking care of yourself, even when others don’t care. It’s about listening to your own needs and desires and prioritizing them. You don’t have to sacrifice the things that make you happy; otherwise, this may affect both your physical and mental health now or later.
Self-care helps you reverse one-sidedness in the relationship. If you have to be the only one putting in the required efforts to sustain the relationship, it would soon wear you out physically or emotionally, or both. Self-care is about knowing when to focus on yourself, too.
5. Avoid living in fear of losing
Allowing a fear mindset to override you will perpetually keep you loyal to a fault in the relationship. A relationship should not be built on fear that your partner would leave, but it should be built on trust, mutual respect, love, and commitment to each other.
This is why self-reflection and redefining your idea of loyalty are very important. Recognize your value and self-worth, and this should be independent of anybody else. No matter what you stand to lose, it is not enough compared to your own happiness, safety, and health.
6. See a therapist
Emotional issues can sometimes be very difficult to handle independently. Seek a therapist if you need to. A therapist will be able to help you identify the hidden issues and offer solutions to them, even without necessarily dissolving the relationship. Remember that your emotional life affects all other aspects of your life in ways you may not imagine.
Final words
Loyalty to a fault is an unhealthy way of displaying loyalty. Loyalty is a great virtue, but it can become a weakness when it hurts you.
In this post, we explored what it means to be loyal to a fault, signs that you are probably loyal to a fault, and how to stop being so. I hope you enjoyed this post.
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