Being Loyal to a Fault Meaning and Signs That You Are

Have you ever heard the phrase ‘loyal to a fault’ and you are wondering what it means? It sounds like a good thing but it’s not.

Urban Dictionary defines being loyal to a fault as “a behavior or behaviors that show that one is taking loyalty to the extreme, to a magnitude that causes one more harm than good”. Being loyal, in itself, is a great virtue, but being loyal to a fault isn’t, as you will soon find out.

In this post, we will explore in detail what it means to be loyal to a fault and see some signs that you may be loyal to a fault in your relationships (romantic and social relationships).

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What Does Being Loyal to a Fault Mean?

Take, for example, someone who remains at a job where he/she is underpaid and overworked because she feels loyal to his/her boss and colleagues, despite being offered better opportunities elsewhere. This person experiences burnout and stagnation in his/her career growth while missing out on better opportunities for financial stability and job satisfaction.

Another example is a guy, say Michael, who sticks with his friend, say John, despite being frequently manipulated and taken advantage of believing that loyalty means never leaving a friend no matter how they behave. Eventually, Michael loses his self-esteem and feels drained and unappreciated, or unable to establish healthy boundaries and friendships.

In romantic relationships, we see many examples of being loyal to a fault where one person continues to stay with his/her partner despite being verbally and/or physically abused in the relationship because he/she believes that loyalty and love can change the abusive partner, or being afraid of the stigma of leaving a long-term relationship.

Simply put, being loyal to a fault means an overdose of loyalty that is toxic to the individual exhibiting it.

Signs You Are Being Loyal to a Fault in any Relationship

Loyalty cuts across all aspects of human relationships, and being loyal to a fault can play out both in romantic and non-romantic contexts. It could come in the form of an employer-employee relationship, leader-subject relationship, classmate, casual friendship relationship, and so on, as well as a romantic relationship between lovers.

In this section, we will see some signs that you are loyal to a fault in your relationship with your friends, colleagues, boss, business partners, or your romantic partner. Most of the signs of being loyal to a fault in relationships are related to normal loyalty that is being abused or not reciprocated by the other person in the relationship.

1. They don’t support you too

Supportiveness is a sign of loyalty. However, when you support your partner but they don’t support you too when it’s your turn, it might be a clear sign that your loyalty is at the toxic extreme.

Your partner should support you as much as you support him/her. That way, they prove to you that the loyalty is mutual and not to a fault.

2. You can’t trust your partner too

Trust is another sign of loyalty that can easily be to a fault. When you act in a very trustworthy manner to your partner but you can’t say the same for them, that is a sign that you are loyal to a fault in that relationship.

This is something you should discuss with your partner. He/she needs to be transparent and trustworthy as much as you are.

3. You are honest to a fault

Just like the previous point on trustworthiness, if you realize that your partner is always cooking up lies to cover their tracks, or that their words don’t always sound honest, they might be playing on your loyalty. Such partners usually believe that you are going to stay no matter what they do, thus making you loyal to a fault in that relationship.

4. Your partner dashes your hopes in him/her

Being loyal to your partner also involves having hopes in them in all they do, but this can be described as being loyal to a fault if your partner deliberately dashes your hopes to the ground through his/her actions or inactions.

For example, after making your partner see how much hope you have in them to succeed, they choose to fold their hands and do nothing, without any desire to succeed to make you happy.

5. Your partner doesn’t invest in you too

To be loyal to a fault means to be abused for your loyalty. One way that can happen is if your partner does not invest in you or the relationship as much as you do. Be it a romantic relationship or not, the efforts need to come from both sides of the relationship for it not to be seen as being loyal to a fault.

6. They are stingy when you are very generous

If your partner thinks he/she does not need to do anything for you even when they expect you to continue your generosity, it means they are undermining your loyalty in the belief that you cannot stop being generous no matter how they act towards you.

Once you perceive that your partner does not care whether you have been “too” generous or not, you might be loyal to a fault in that relationship.

7. Your partner denies you when you need them

Do you persistently stand by your partner through all circumstances? That is a sign that you are truly loyal to them. However, do they act the same way towards you?

If your partner takes every given opportunity to deny you even when they know fully well that you are always defending them, that is a sign that they don’t value you as someone worth fighting for. It means you are loyal to a fault in that relationship.

8. They are unashamedly unfaithful

If you are in a relationship, one clear sign that you are loyal to a fault is that your partner doesn’t fear cheating when he/she knows that you are aware. Even though cheating is already a sign of a break of trust and loyalty, doing so to your knowledge is a sign that you have become loyal to a fault in that relationship.

9. They don’t share your vision with you

If you have long-term visions for a relationship and would want to continue with the person for a long time but he/she acts in ways that suggest he/she doesn’t care about any future with you, that is a sign that your loyalty is not appreciated or needed. Doing so might hurt you sooner or later.

Consequences of Being Loyal to a Fault

The central idea about being loyal to a fault is that it has several negative consequences. Loyalty, in its pure sense, is a beautiful virtue to possess as it can open many doors for you. However, loyalty to a fault can come with the following problems:

It can cost you your happiness.
It can destroy your self-esteem.
It can affect your mental health.
You feel like a slave trying to please a master.
Being loyal to a fault can drain your physical and mental energy.
You might lose your money or properties, and so on.

What to do if Your Partner Makes You Loyal to a Fault

As already established, the primary problem in being loyal to a fault is your partner who is not doing their part in the relationship but expecting you to stick with them irrespective of how uncomfortable they make you feel. The moment you recognize that you are being loyal to a fault, here is what you should do immediately.

1. Find out why you have become so

Sometimes, becoming loyal to a fault is a sign that your self-worth has been trampled on in some way. Do you feel worthless or feel that the partner is doing you a favor by being with you? It could be related to something you did to them previously and you now think you can’t forgive yourself for it.

No matter what you have done or didn’t do, you don’t deserve to live with guilt or shame in any relationship. You deserve to be with someone who values you for who you are and treats you with good conscience and compassion.

2. Practice self-care

Self-care means learning to take care of yourself and knowing your limits to anything you do. Whether it is taking some rest after a long day of work, eating when you are hungry, or knowing when to re-analyze your loyalty, self-care is one important thing to remember when you find out that you are being loyal to a fault in your relationship.

3. Discuss with your partner

If you think you have done all you can by yourself to restore mutual loyalty between you and your friend/partner, this might be the right time to sit him/her down for a discussion. Make him/her know how you think loyalty has been one-sided in the relationship. Maybe he/she will open up to you what the problems are.

You should also discuss your concerns and how their actions or inactions are affecting you. As expected, also give them enough room to air their views and opinions too.

4. Consult a relationship therapist

Whenever you have relationship issues that require third-party input, a relationship therapist should be your go-to place. With years of professional experience in relationship matters, a good relationship therapist can unravel the underlying issues within your relationship, and help address them in the most unbiased and non-prejudiced way possible.

Just like for other relationship issues, the services of a relationship therapist will also be invaluable in a case when you find out that you are loyal to a fault and have discussed it with your partner without any solution to the problems on the ground.