10 Pros & 10 Cons of Marrying an Older Woman

Though it is legally and morally acceptable to marry an older woman, it can be challenging for some men to make the decision to marry a woman older than them. In addition to these challenges, marrying an older woman also comes with some advantages.

Society typically expects the man to be older, more dominant, and more experienced in a traditional marriage. However, marriage compatibility is no longer determined solely by age but by mutual acceptance, understanding, and commitment.

Getting married to an older woman has its set of advantages and disadvantages. In deciding to proceed with such a relationship, these pros and cons are some of the things you should first consider.

Should you marry a woman older than you? And how much does the age difference matter?

In this post, you will see objective insights into the advantages and disadvantages of marrying an older woman. This will help you decide whether to proceed with settling down with your older partner as a man.

When Does the Age Difference Become Important?

Marrying an older woman with a 2-year gap is not the same as marrying a woman 15 years older than you. Thus, in discussing the challenges inherent in a relationship with an older wife, understanding the impact of the age difference is important.

From a social perspective, marrying an older woman may carry the same prejudice irrespective of the age difference. However, the real-life impact depends on the age difference. The wider the age gap, the greater the impact marrying an older woman has on the relationship.

A 1-3-year difference is of little significance because both partners are technically age-mates. A 5-10-year gap may create important issues related to life stages such as friend circles, shared interests, and lifestyle preferences. A 15+ year age gap can accentuate challenges such as retirement, fertility, and health.

Try our age gap relationship calculator to see what it means for your relationship.

10 Advantages of Marrying an Older Woman

The advantages of marrying an older woman include greater life experience, emotional maturity, and career stability. Despite societal bias, these can make such a marriage enjoyable for both partners.

In this section, we explore 10 benefits of marrying an older woman and how they can impact a marriage.

1. She may bring greater life experience and maturity

In an exploratory study of eight married couples in which the wife was at least ten years older, 6 out of the 8 husbands identified greater life experience and maturity as a unique benefit of their age difference.^[1]Proulx, N., Caron, S. L., & Logue, M. E. (2006). Older women/younger men: A look at the implications of age difference in marriage. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 5(4), 43–64. … Continue reading With additional life experience and wisdom, this can bring more harmony and progress to the marriage.

2. She may have a better understanding of herself

For all of us, there are core aspects of ourselves we take time to understand and refine. These include our needs, values, boundaries, strengths, and weaknesses. Marrying an older woman gives you the opportunity to be with someone who already understands the core aspects of her life and doesn’t struggle to communicate them to you.

3. She may understand you better

Her life experience may help her identify the key qualities to look for in her husband and better understand him. This makes it easier for her to understand you, what brings peace to the relationship, and the problems she would rather avoid. This is an important benefit marrying an older woman can have on the relationship.

4. She may be more caring and nurturing

The age difference may help an older wife better understand the subtle things that make care and nurturing more intentional. She understands that showing care is an active part of preserving peace and love in the relationship. And she willingly cares for her husband even if it means going out of her way or out of her comfort zone.

5. She may communicate more directly and honestly

From experience, an older woman may have understood that communicating more directly is more effective than leaving their partner guessing. Thus, they’d rather choose direct, honest communication, which could be an advantage of marrying an older woman.

6. You may have a better sexual experience

In a Today.com survey of men who married an older woman, one man reported that the sex feels energetic and exciting like a marathon. Other responses indicated that older women know what they want during sex and know how to communicate it.

“Sex with an older woman is like an intense marathon” – Zach (26)

“An older woman knows exactly what she wants and how to communicate it – Gary (39)

“Phenomenal! The sex was important – but I was really concerned about what she needed and desired. She would take over and go from there. It made things a hell of a lot easier, because we just there to have fun. It was like breaking through a major barrier that takes other people forever to figure out. There was a ‘click’ sexually. It was easy and it was great” – Russ (29)

“The biggest advantage is that they know what they want so there’s no guesswork. You may try to please them and they’ll tell you if it isn’t working. I loved it. That’s a turn on. Absolutely no negatives about sex. It was the best. The best!” – Scott (25)

7. She may already be financially established

Four of the eight husbands in the exploratory study cited above stated marrying a woman already established in her career and finances as a major benefit of the union. An older woman likely has things going on in her life through the years.

Being more financially independent can reduce the financial burden on the man, allowing them both to focus on building and growing together. In some cases, an older, wealthier wife can help her husband get on his feet financially. And this can be a beneficial outcome of marrying an older woman.

8. You can learn from her experience

Her wisdom and experience across various aspects of life can be a significant benefit of marrying an older woman. While it doesn’t automatically mean an older woman has expertise in every area, she can offer helpful ideas when you need a second opinion. In addition, she can contribute to your own development and maturity through her life experience.

9. She may be more open-minded

Open-mindedness is another benefit that may come from marrying an older woman. While age doesn’t necessarily make a woman more open-minded, greater life experience can make her more receptive to views she may not have previously considered.

10. Greater freedom from traditional gender roles

Society expects traditional gender roles in marriage where the man must be older and more experienced, is the primary financial provider, and takes the lead in major decisions. Marrying an older woman may lead to a more collaborative relationship, in which the couple may be more comfortable dividing responsibilities according to ability and preference rather than gender.

10 Disadvantages of Marrying an Older Woman

While marrying an older woman can have several advantages, as discussed above, there are potential challenges worth considering before making a lifelong commitment. Here, we see some disadvantages of marrying an older woman and how these potentially impact the marriage.

1. Disapproval from family and friends

You may face disapproval from family and friends when they discover that your wife is older. This aligns with societal views that a husband must be older and more mature. This can be challenging because you’d want your family to accept your wife the same way they have accepted you.

2. Condescending comments and social judgment

In the 8-couple survey in which the wife was at least 10 years older, 1 of the 8 husbands and 3 of the 8 older wives reported experiencing social stigma in the union.^[2]Ibid. Proulx et al., 2005. This condescending and stigmatizing behavior is an important problem of marrying an older woman, and this societal response isn’t specific to some parts of the world.

An earlier study by the sociologist Carol Warren also found that couples in older-woman/younger-man relationships were aware that their relationship could be stigmatized. Notably, people may insinuate that a man married an older woman for monetary gain, or sometimes mistakenly refer to the woman as the younger man’s mother.^[3]Warren, C. A. B. (1996). Older women, younger men: Self and stigma in age-discrepant relationships. Clinical Sociology Review, 14(1), 62–86

3. She may sometimes become overprotective

Dex Harper, a Quora user who married a woman 22 years older than him, recounted in a post that sometimes an older woman may become a bit overprotective. He stated this as a potential downside of their 9-year marriage. He was 29, and his wife was 51 when he shared this experience.

Due to her experience, being overprotective is an older woman’s instinctive way of protecting her younger husband from things he may not know could cause him problems. But this could be an issue in some social settings.

4. She may already have children

An older woman may have already had children from a previous relationship or pre-marital affair. This can be a major problem if you desire to have children, but she is satisfied with the one(s) she already has.

5. Some of her children may be close to your age or older

Depending on the age difference, an older woman may have children your age or even older than you. This can be challenging for the younger man because having stepchildren your age, or even older, can feel awkward.

6. You may be at different stages of life

Also, a large age difference between an older woman and a younger man can put them at completely different stages of life. Although you might be compatible as a couple, your priorities at a particular point in time may not always align.

For example, you may be focused on building your career, starting a family, or achieving certain financial goals, but at a certain point, an older woman may be focused solely on retirement, having passed through most of these stages.

7. Your interests and social circles may be different

An older woman may be born in an era different from yours. Her preferences and interests may differ considerably, which can make it a bit challenging to enjoy mutual activities.

Your social circle may also be different, as she will often be seen hanging out with older women her age.

8. She may not want children or more children

This is similar to the problem above, where an older wife may already have children and no longer want more. In slight contrast to the earlier point, an older woman can decide not to have children again because she does not want to go through the rigors of pregnancy and delivery at her age.

9. Fertility may become an important consideration

Biologically, female fertility declines drastically with age. At age 37, the oocyte reserve would have reduced by roughly 98% of the initial amount. Fertility also depends heavily on egg quality, which declines significantly from the early 30’s and more rapidly after about 37. This means fertility may be more challenging even if you both desire to have children.

10. Health and aging may affect you at different stages

Given a significant age difference, the effects of aging may occur at different times in your lives. For example, if your wife is 15 to 20 years older, she may begin to experience age-related changes to her health and energy levels while you are still more active. This could affect the activities you enjoy together and, in some cases, may prompt you to take on caregiving responsibilities earlier than expected.

Can You Marry an Older Woman?

While women traditionally prefer to marry an older woman who has more experience, there is nothing biologically wrong with marrying an older woman.^[4]Segami JC, Lind MI, Qvarnström A. Should females prefer older males? Evol Lett. 2021 Aug 24;5(5):507-520. doi: 10.1002/evl3.250. PMID: 34621537; PMCID: PMC8484724. But one should consider the age difference and its potential impact on the relationship going forward.

There are several benefits and disadvantages to marrying an older woman. Some of these have been discussed in this post. The final decision should depend on you and how you weigh the pros and cons.

The decision to marry an older woman would ultimately depend on you: whether you want to conform to traditional society’s prescriptions on marrying a younger woman, or challenge the status quo to marry the woman who gives you joy and happiness, irrespective of her age.

And if you are resolved to challenge the status quo, remember that countless others have done the same. Examples include Emmanuel Macron (President of France, 2017 – ) and Brigitte Macron, with a 24-year age gap, and Nick Jonas and the beautiful Indian-American actress Priyanka Chopra, with a 10-year age difference.

If you are still looking for reasons to marry the older woman you have fallen in love with, read the open letter Benjamin Franklin wrote to an anonymous friend in 1745. Excerpts below:

What to Consider Before Marrying an Older Woman

The above-discussed advantages and disadvantages of marrying an older woman can prepare you for what to expect. But these alone should not determine your decision. The goal is not to discourage or encourage you to marry an older woman, but rather to inform you about what to expect and prepare adequately for it.

Before marrying an older woman, consider the pros and cons and discuss the important ones with her. Discuss your desired family size and whether you both want children together. Are your long-term plans compatible? Are you prepared to talk to your family about this decision, and to face the challenges that may arise from the age difference?

Once these are well considered, you can very well proceed with your decision to marry her, irrespective of what society says.

Final words

Marrying an older woman has both pros and cons. The impact significantly depends on the age gap and the individual couple involved.

Hope you learned anything from this post. What are your opinions on marrying an older woman? Let me know in the comments section below.

Curious how your own relationship measures up? Use our free age gap calculator to find out.