Can a man marry a woman older than him? Maybe you are here to find suitable answers to this question in a generic situation. Or maybe this scenario applies to you, but here you are going to learn all you need to know about marrying an older woman – the pros and cons.
Almost universally, it is generally accepted that the man should be older than the woman he marries, and this holds water for several reasons. And whereas this may be so, very little is said about what the age difference between the partners should be. Is it just for formality or there are some hidden reasons why the man should be older?
In many cultures of the world, male dominance is a norm but this sub-culture is usually annihilated to a great extent in most successful relationships or marriages. Partners now view themselves as equal and complementary partners that help each other achieve their goals. In this regard, therefore, could age be of any significance?
You have an opinion about a younger man marrying a woman older than him, don’t you? What are some reasons in support of and against marrying an older woman?
What should the normal age gap between man and woman be?
Could you marry your age mate? I once asked one of my female friends this question and here is what she said – “It’s not as if it’s impossible but there is no way I would settle down with a man who is the same or almost the same age as I am”. By almost the same age, she meant, say, one or two years difference.
Most people, especially ladies, would respond similarly to that question. This is because not only does age affect maturity and compatibility, age affects a lot of other things too.
In Africa, marriage between people with wide age gaps is encouraged, often with the man being the older partner with up to ten years difference in age. While there is no law against marriages between a man and an older woman, they perceive it a little less honourably.
In my own opinion, I would recommend a man marry a woman he is older than. I have my reasons for this but it remains my subjective opinion. In the next sections, we are going to look more objectively with bias, at the pros/advantages or cons/disadvantages of marrying an older woman.
Rationale Behind Having An Older Male Partner
In the natural order of things, the man is expected to be a protector, a watch, breadwinner and provider for the family. That means he needs to be stable, mature and responsible enough to carry out these duties. However, these requirements – stability, maturity and responsibility have some correlation with age. The older a man is, the higher the chances that he will be more mature, more stable and more responsible to house a wife.
Age comes with an experience of some real-life stuff and a level of independence. These together with maturity and responsibility make age a very important factor to consider when choosing a life partner. But another important fact to consider in this context is that age is just a number. An older man does not always mean a more mature man. It depends on his willingness to open up to learn about life.
Pros/Advantages of Marrying an Older Woman
After having looked at the concept of age in marriage and what the ideal age difference between partners should be, you might want to know if there are any advantages to marrying an older woman. An older woman oftentimes has more experience in life, she is more independent, and getting married to an older woman can have some of the following advantages:
1. She is more mature and homely
If you marry a woman older than you, it might sometime mean the woman understands life better than you. This depends largely on the age difference, however. If she is old enough to be your mother or eldest sister, she might have a more mature and coolheaded nature compared to younger women and girls who have not yet understood much about life.
Usually, an older woman agrees to marry a younger man because she is in need of some physical/sexual satisfaction that she thinks she will be unable to find among her peers. In return, most times, she might offer her younger husband some wealth if she is rich. Also, older women have been known to be very accommodating and homely, treating the young man as she would treat her son while still respecting him as her husband.
2. She is more self-sustaining
Grappling with the bias against marrying an older woman, here is one more advantage of doing so. Some older women who are interested in consummating a lasting relationship with their younger husbands are financially stable and socially accomplished. That means they can take care of themselves with or without the man.
The only thing she would need from the man will sex and companionship while she takes care of her own financial needs. This may not be such a big advantage because a man gets happier when he is the one providing for his family. Boycotting that makes him feel less manly and could rob him of his pride and personality in society. Asides from this, having a self-sufficient older partner can help offset the bills greatly.
3. She understands life really well
Many issues in marriage stem from immaturity of one or both partners. When you find a woman who understands family life very well, who understands how to please a man, who understands sex and its importance, as well as submission to the dynamics of family leadership, most of these problems would have been reduced by more than half.
Marrying an older woman has the advantage of being with someone who understands life from many facets, by virtue of her age and experiences. She might have had several relationships before you and even if she has not, she has had several opportunities to learn from other people’s experiences. And she is willing to apply these lessons into her relationship with you.
While younger woman see life as a bed of roses, and expect everything to go in their favour and everyone to dance to their tune, older woman understand the importance of doing their part to make the marriage work, besides she doesn’t hope to hop from one marriage to another at this time. She tries to understand your needs and acts to satisfy them.
4. She accepts your flaws as a man
Of course, young women are the only ones who do not fully know what men are capable of. When you hear the words, “Men are scum”, and the likes, it should cast your mind to the fact that this was a statement originated by older women who understands what men are fully capable of.
An older women would have been shaped by her experiences to be faithful to her younger husband but expect very little from him. They do not stick out their neck to believe that a man is hundred percent faithful to her, and would definitely not get overworked when they find out their man is unfaithful.
While this is not to advocate for cheating by the male partner, the acceptance of the imperfect nature of man and everyone by a more experienced older woman brings about tolerance that can protect the stability of the marriage for a long time. She might not be perfect too.
5. She understands sex better
What is marriage without sex, one would dare to ask. From a survey conducted by Today.com, nine men had commented about their sexual experience with an older woman, and here is what they said. Zach (26) said that sex with an older woman is like an intense marathon. Gary (39) said, an older knows exactly what she wants and how to communicate it. Russ (29) would purport that an older woman not only communicates her needs to you properly, she also knows how to please you maximally.
Cons/disadvantages of marrying an older woman
Most things with advantages also come with a few disadvantages as well. Before we give the final verdict for or against marrying an older woman, it will be important to see both sides of the argument. Here, we are going to see some disadvantages of marrying an older woman. Here we go.
1. She might not be submissive
Marrying an older woman who is submissive can make the marriage very smooth and resistant against other people’s opinion. But in many cases, an older woman assumes a superior position in the relationship so as to get the maximum satisfaction for you and herself, after all, she knows a lot already.
Older who are financially independent otherwise referred to as the wealthy cougars would do anything possible to keep being on top of the relationship but this might not go well with everyone.
2. She might claim to be wiser than the man
This is also a reflection of her non-submissiveness but suffice to say that if the union would have good chances of survival, the older woman must first learn to subject her experiences and knowledge in humility to her younger husband, which is the case for many surviving marriages between a young man and an older woman.
3. She might look too old and less attractive
It is a known fact that women age faster than men. A woman at 32 will look older than a man of the same age and this is due to several biological factors. This might be one strong reason why cultures advocate for marriage between a woman and a man older than her.
For the same reasons, the woman seems less compatible with her younger husband based on appearance and this can also be observed even if they are the same age. When the woman is older than the man, the higher the age gap, the older and less compatible she might appear. If she has reached menopause (around 40 to 50 years), her appearance changes even further as the hormones reduce significantly at that time.
What this means is that if you marry a younger woman, you both matches up in appearance with time but she might appear older if that is not the case. Of course, there are exceptions. We still have those timeless women who refuse to look old.
4. Lack of physical and sexual satisfaction
A man is more likely to cheat on his wife if she has been with other men before him. This likelihood considerably increases if she has had a child before the marriage, and even greater if the man has never been sexually active before. Commitment is a hard thing to do and the temptation gets higher when the man sees younger and more beautiful women who are also interested in him.
When presented with an opportunity to cheat, a couple would first ask themselves if their partner would do the same. If the answer is “yes”, it becomes easier for them to cheat on their partner.
The thought that you think your older partner has explored life more than you makes him want to get some satisfaction from other women as well. Considering the drop in her older wife’s physical appearance, the younger man might not hesitate to eat the fresh honey from the honey pot of a young hottie when he has the opportunity.
5. Lack of freedom
The societal pressures against marrying an older woman are real and very palpable, but oftentimes, a young man would still go ahead to marry an older woman. What makes it so easy for him? Is it just the love?
Observations have shown that older women have something they offer the young man as a form of compensation for the age incompatibility. Usually, that is wealth and material benefits. An older woman who goes in to marry a man younger than her does so with good money at hand, otherwise, it would be a no-go for the man.
But while that may seem like an advantage to the man, it affords most control in the relationship to the woman. This can manifest as lack of freedom for the man to do certain things he would love doing like hanging out with his friends in the late evenings, and so on. While this may not be absolute in every marriage where a man marries an older woman, it is a possibility.
Final words
Here are the pros and cons of marrying an older woman. I deliberately gave equal number of advantages and disadvantages of marrying an older woman in this post. This is because the decision to marry and be with a partner is yours to make and you need to personally and critically weight your options without any bias from the outside.
Why is that important? Because whatever the outcome, it is yours to bear. Ethically and morally, there is nothing much against marrying an older woman but society naturally favours marrying a younger woman. Some of the reasons are discussed above but what is more important is that both partners are committed to and love each other.
That is not to say that you should not consider these factors carefully in the name of love and commitment. They are real and you cannot afford to ignore them. Most of these ideas are opinionated and I’d love to hear your opinion too. Thank you.
