I can’t exactly pinpoint when it became a rule that a man should never marry a woman older than him. It is also not in any government legislation or constitutions throughout the globe. But every day of our lives, we are all bombarded by the unspoken question, “Can a young man marry a woman older than him?”
In a bid to answer this question, I shall explore the pros and cons of a man marrying an older woman in this post.
Maybe you are contemplating this question because you are faced with a similar situation and you are just not sure what to do at this point. Maybe you just want to know the answers for other reasons not related to you. Either way, I will seek to provide the best answers to the question, “can you marry an older woman?”
Can a man marry an older woman?
This age-long question has its answer imprinted onto the sands of time but we all feel too scared to admit it sometimes. In history, several undocumented marriages have occurred between a man and a woman older than him. Everyone has just been too busy to document.
There are still quite a few examples of men in this generation, who married a woman older than them. Emmanuel Macron, a French politician and one-time President of France is happily married to an older woman. Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra (the beautiful Indian actress) are beautifully living life together. Gerald Pique, the Spanish footballer, is not regretting getting married to Shakira, the beautiful Colombian singer. How about Jason Mamoa of Aquaman and Lisa Bonnet? These couples have around 9-to-25 years gap between them with the woman as the older partner.
While there may not be any legislation against a man marrying an older woman, we all naturally expect the male partner to be older. There are reasons why this is generally expected, you will see these reasons here. But if you decide to opt-in to marry a woman older than you as a man, or marry a man younger than you as a woman, are there some benefits the relationship should expect?
You may also find out if the pros and cons of marrying an older woman can perfectly balance out, so that age difference can totally be removed as a criterion for choosing a marital partner. However once again, there are pros and cons to these things.
The normal age gap between a man and a woman in marriage
You are here to find out the pros and cons of marrying an older woman probably to motivate you in your decision to choose a partner. But just before we see those upsides and downsides of marrying a woman older than you, is there a normal natural age gap that should exist between a woman and a man?
Certain biological differences set a natural order for age gaps between couples. Most ladies naturally want someone who is more mature and independent, both of which likely translate to someone older than them. A female friend of mine emphatically expressed that she cannot settle down with a man who is the same age or who is less than two years older.
There seems to be a preference for a well-older man in a relationship. Age affects maturity, independence, and compatibility but age is still just a number. Many women would prefer to be with someone at least five years older because they infer that he would have become ahead of them in maturity and independence; a well-desired outcome.
By age being just a number, it means one can be advanced in age and not still possess the level of maturity expected. It also means that a younger person with adequate experience can understand more than someone way older than them. So, if maturity, independence, and compatibility can be acquired at any age, it means that age difference is just a number as well.
Pros/Advantages of Marrying an Older Woman
Shortly here, we will see the pros of marrying an older woman. Most of these you will be able to relate with.
1. She is more mature and homely
Older women are reputable for being more homely and receptive. Sometimes, she might understand life better than you but she is submissive enough to bring home her wisdom. She is cool-headed and mature, even more than the young girls who do not yet understand much about life.
It can be likened to a situation where the older beauty treats her younger man as she would treat her own son while still respecting him as her husband. What a blend of two whole worlds!
2. She is more self-sustaining
Many older women who consent to a marriage with a younger man have a lot to bring to the table. Some of them may have achieved wealth by themselves over the years. This means that she is more self-sustainable and socially accomplished, and lesser pressure on the man thereafter.
While the companionship remains, coupled with a regular bedtime activity, which she is also very good at, she feels fulfilled, and would not hesitate to make your life happier as well.
3. She understands life really well
Many issues in marriage arise from the lack of understanding about life in one or both partners. These issues can be circumvented when your partner understands life a little better. Pivotal issues of marriage like sex and its importance, submission to the dynamics of family leadership, and so on, will become a thing of the past if you have a woman who understands these as much as you do.
Through her experiences in life and from past relationships, she knows so much about marriage to make you have the greatest time for the rest of your life. She does not try to force you to dance to her tune, and nor does she think she can hop from one marriage to another anymore. She understands your needs and acts to satisfy them.
4. She accepts your flaws as a man
While many women focus on the flaws of men, a good woman focuses on her strengths. The one lesson age and experience teach older women is that they learn to accept you for who you are, and not judge you unnecessarily. This ensures her own peace of mind and also facilitates the trust to keep the union bubbling upwards only.
With this understanding, older women would ignore news about you having affairs and would not consider a need to stress over them whether they are true or not. And if the news did turn out to be true, she would choose to keep it discreet rather than making it a public show as younger women might do.
While that is not to advocate for infidelity, the mere fact that she trusts you enough to handle life more maturely with you should prompt you to give her the same respect she deserves and avoid cheating.
5. She understands sex better
In a survey conducted by Today.com, nine men expressed their sexual preference for older women. One of them named Zach (26) said “Sex with an older woman is like an intense marathon”. Gary (39) said “An older woman knows exactly what she wants and how to communicate it. Russ (29) and Scott (25) also supported that the fact that older women know what they need and desired during sex makes it a whole lot easier to please and satisfy yourself too. (All ages were reported at the time of the survey).
To crown it up, Benjamin Franklin, on marrying an older woman, wrote an open letter to an anonymous friend in 1745, stating about older women;
“They have more knowledge of the world, and their minds are better stored with observations, their conversation is more improving and lastingly agreeable. When women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their influence over men, they supply a diminution of beauty by an augmentation of utility. They learn to do a-1000 services small and great and are the most tender and useful of all friends when you are sick. Thus, they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old woman who is not a good woman. There is no hazard of children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much inconvenience. Through more experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an intrigue to prevent suspicion. The commerce with them is, therefore, safer with regard to your reputation. And with regards to theirs, if the affair should happen to be known, considerate people might be rather inclined to excuse an old woman who would kindly take care of a young man, form his manners by her good counsels, and prevent his ruining his health and fortune among mercenary prostitutes. In every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of the fluids that fill the muscles appears first in the highest part: the face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the neck; then the breast and arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a basket, and regarding only what is below the girdle, it is impossible of two women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark, all cats are grey, the pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every knack being by practice capable of improvement. The sin is less. The debauching of a virgin may be her ruin and make her life unhappy. The compunction is less. The having made a young girl miserable may give you frequent bitter reflections; none of which can attend the making an old woman happy.”
Cons/disadvantages of marrying an older woman
So as not to make it look as if I am over-bloating marrying an older woman, this section will explore some disadvantages that might be associated with marrying an older woman. Mind you, most of these issues may be due to the personal behavioural characteristics of the woman in question.
1. She might not be submissive
Marrying an older woman who is also submissive to you can make the marriage smoother and more resistant to people’s opinions because she would combine her wisdom and years of experience in handling matters more maturely. However, if for any reason the woman prefers to assume a superior position in the marriage, things might not go so gracefully.
She may be more independent and might be wiser. These combined together with non-submissiveness makes her a powerful weapon of offence if you ever choose to contend with her.
2. She might claim to be wiser than you
Similar to non-submissiveness, if you marry an older woman, she might claim to be wiser and more experienced than you. Even if she is indeed quite wiser, rubbing it to your face will not do any good.
Men are wired to perform most optimally if they perceive themselves to be in control. They like to feel like the man and desire the respect that comes along with it. Her non-submissiveness might make the marriage sour and unpleasant to you as long as you are together.
3. She might look too old and less attractive
It will not be an aberration for a woman to look her age, it’s her age and it’s normal. But there is a little challenge. Women seem to age faster than men, such that, a woman at 32 would look older than a man that same age. This might be one biological reason why older male partner marriage might be preferred throughout the centuries.
On the contrary, the appearances seem to match when the woman is considerably younger than the man. This perceived incompatibility is not universal though. Some old women might still look young based on their peculiar genetics, body maintenance, and proper diet.
4. Lack of physical and sexual satisfaction
Women approaching menopause might not feel so much sexual satisfaction because of a reduction in the sex hormone, oestrogen. This might not happen early for some women but if it does, it can impact the man as he wants more sexual action and compatibility.
Also, you might capitalize on her having explored life so much before you got married, and you might want to explore life outside as well. This way, you might not derive as much sexual satisfaction from her alone. This experience gets even worse if the young man had not been so sexually active before the union.
The resistance to overcoming advances by younger and more beautiful girls becomes very minimal, especially when they present themselves to be genuinely interested in the man. When faced with such temptations, some men would ask themselves, “what would my wife do if she is faced with a similar situation?” He is more able to overcome if he can establish that his wife would not cheat because of him.
However, to think that your wife had done all sorts of things in the past before you met her might weaken your resistance to overcome the surmounting pressures from the outside.
5. Lack of freedom
Asides from the love and chemistry you may feel for an older woman, she has much more to offer you. Most of the time, older women may come bearing wealth and material possessions they may have accumulated prior to meeting you.
While that could make like easier for you in some ways, it comes at a price too. He who foots the bills has the say. And if she capitalizes on this, it can afford her the most control in the relationship and lack of freedom to you as the man.
She might restrict your movement, limit your association with your peers, and so on, each for its own reasons. While this may not be a constant experience for every marriage with an older woman, it is a possibility.
Final words
Marrying an older woman has its own advantages and disadvantages but that’s not strange. There is hardly anything in the world that has advantages without disadvantages, not even a marriage with a younger woman. And while the world is favourably disposed towards marriage between a man and a younger woman, there is yet no legislation or contraindication to marrying an older woman.
With good understanding of each other, you can have a sweet marriage with a woman older than you. So, if she so appeals to you, and you can make an informed decision based on all the considerations stated in this post. I hope that in the end, you find true love and happiness, now and ever after.
