Why Is One Woman Not Enough for Some Men? 6 Reasons

One woman may not feel “enough” for some men because of a desire for sexual variety, dissatisfaction in their current relationship, a need for validation, cultural/religious acceptance of multiple partners, or personal attitudes toward commitment. However, this does not mean that all men naturally want multiple women, or that a man’s dissatisfaction is necessarily caused by his partner.

In this article, “one woman is not enough,” as suggested in the title, refers broadly to a man who wants sexual/romantic involvements with more than one woman, whether through infidelity or consensual polygamous marriage. In many cases, this desire to want other women reflects the man’s expectations, values, emotional needs, or relationship choices rather than any inadequacy in the woman he is currently with.

We will also explore the psychological, social, and cultural reasons why some men feel that one woman is not enough for them. Understanding these reasons will help the woman distinguish between a solvable relationship problem and incompatible behaviour that violates agreed boundaries/expectations.

Is It True That One Woman Is Never Enough for a Man?

No, it is not necessarily true that men need more than one woman to feel satisfied. Most men are capable of maintaining a monogamous relationship, and studies have shown that the majority of men now prefer complete monogamy.¹Sanders, L. (2023, February 21). How many Americans prefer non-monogamy in relationships? YouGov. This means that a man’s personal choice to act on his inner desire for multiple women is what determines what he considers enough for him.

Men and women may equally be attracted to other people, but that does not mean the one person they have can’t be enough for them. A man will not live shorter or experience a low quality of life by deciding not to act on his desire for more partners.

However, that decision is based on personal values, self-control, and the level of commitment. Because with a strong resolve, a man can happily stay monogamous even in situations or places where culture and society permit having multiple women.

6 Reasons One Woman is Not Enough For Some Men

While some men are comfortable with one woman, some are struggling with the urge for more. Here, you will see some psychological, social, and cultural reasons why one woman is not enough for some men.

The goal is not to justify or condemn any of the reasons but to bring them to the spotlight and examine why they matter so much to some men.

1. Desire for sexual novelty and variety

Humans have a general attraction to novelty and variety. Bagheri and Milyavskaya examined novelty-variety as a potential basic physiologic need, citing how people become less excited when they are exposed to the same thing repetitively. Across three studies, satisfaction of novelty-variety was associated with better well-being, and vice-versa.²Bagheri, L., & Milyavskaya, M. (2020). Novelty–variety as a candidate basic psychological need: New evidence across three studies. Motivation and Emotion, 44, 32–53. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-019-09807-4

However, this does not mean that such novelty and variety should be satisfied through multiple sexual partners or by seeking more women. This is because novelty and variety can equally be created within a committed relationship through new activities and experiences.

Evolutionary psychologists have proposed contrasting views regarding human dating, with some arguing that both sexes function better as multiple mates, while others believe that humans are evolutionarily designed to prefer a singular long-term partner. The Sexual Strategy Theory (SST) by David Schmitt et al. suggests that men have a stronger short-term desire for multiple sexual partners compared to women.³SCHMITT, D. P., SHACKELFORD, T. K., DUNTLEY, J., TOOKE, W., & BUSS, D. M. (2001). The desire for sexual variety is a key to understanding basic human mating strategies. Personal Relationships, 8(4), 425-455. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2001.tb00049.x

David Barash opined theoretically that monogamy may better satisfy the innate interests and satisfaction of women compared to men.⁴VerBruggen, R. (2016, March 29). Is monogamy unnatural? Institute for Family Studies. https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-monogamy-unnatural/ Another study showed that men are more attracted to beauty and physical attractiveness than women.⁵Meltzer, A. L., McNulty, J. K., Jackson, G. L., & Karney, B. R. (2014). Sex differences in the implications of partner physical attractiveness for the trajectory of marital satisfaction. Journal of personality and social psychology, 106(3), 418–428. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0034424

However, the above explanations and theories do not support the conclusion that one woman is not enough for a man. They highlight how human desires currently are and have changed over time.

Men may have specific things they are attracted to, but women do too. And neither of these proves that desire is a biological necessity, or that one woman is insufficient, or provides leeway for breaking agreed relationship boundaries.

2. Need for validation and ego reinforcement

In another study by Alicia Walker, the conclusions suggested that some men pursue multiple women because of a need to soothe their bruised egos and self-esteem, feel desired, and counter the feeling of emasculation. The attention and support they receive from other women serve them well beyond the basic need for variety and novelty.⁶Walker, A. M. (2020). Chasing masculinity: Men, validation, and infidelity. Palgrave Macmillan. It

However, attention from a new woman may easily be short-lived, and if he anchors his ego on external approval or social approval from women, he may once again seek yet another woman. But this does not mean that his partner is unattractive, inadequate, or just not enough to satisfy him.

3. Feeling of unmet sexual or intimacy needs

Studies have established greater sexual drive or intimacy needs in men compared to women. This can create a feeling of unmet sexual needs that can make a man accept that one woman is not enough for him.⁷Baumeister, R. F., Catanese, K. R., & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Is there a gender difference in the strength of the sex drive? Theoretical views, conceptual distinctions, and a review of relevant evidence. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 5(3), 242–273. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327957PSPR0503_5

However, stronger sexual drive in men, amongst other reasons, may have been influenced by the historical patriarchal double standards that selectively frowned more on female infidelity than on the same in men.

This is explained by the fear that ancestral men had of raising children that were not biologically theirs in the face of scarce resources. A woman who gives birth to a child is always its mother, but conversely, as Wilson puts it, “The male cannot always be completely sure that his mate’s eggs have been fertilized by his own sperm”.⁸Wróblewska-Skrzek, J. Infidelity in Relation to Sex and Gender: The Perspective of Sociobiology Versus the Perspective of Sociology of Emotions. Sexuality & Culture 25, 1885–1894 (2021). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-021-09845-6

The above, subtly or sometimes overtly, permitted men to express their sexual desires while women are kept under the radar of intense social policing. For these reasons, evolutionary psychology supports the idea that while men are more sensitive to sexual infidelity (to avoid raising children not theirs), women are more sensitive to emotional infidelity because men spend resources where their affection is.⁹Kato, T., & Okubo, N. (2023). Relationship status and gender-related differences in response to infidelity. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1158751. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1158751

While the twentieth century saw the liberation of women from the restrictive corsets of ancestral patriarchy, men who still desire to explore the selective freedom to express themselves sexually may feel that one woman is not enough for them. But this does not mean that one woman cannot be enough to meet their sexual and intimacy needs.

4. Relationship dissatisfaction & emotional disconnect

Relationship satisfaction can be affected by several factors, including conflicts, unmet expectations, feelings of boredom, etc. These can create emotional disconnection, which may lead a man to look outside the relationship.

Most of these factors that affect relationship satisfaction are considered a normal part of life. But some men are unwilling to face the challenge of addressing the root problems, even when most of these issues have reachable solutions.

Some men also set unrealistic expectations regarding a woman’s beauty, attractiveness, and behavior. When these change a few years after marriage, they may lose interest or feel one woman is not enough.

5. Cultural and religious acceptance of polygyny

David Barash also cited in his study that some cultures and religions support a man having more than one wife as long as he has the power and resources to maintain them.¹⁰Ibid. VerBruggen, R. (2016, March 29). Is monogamy unnatural? Institute for Family Studies. This, in addition to the patriarchal view of society, has remained accepted by some religions and cultures, predominantly those in the Polygamy Belt.

While the acceptance of polygyny can be an enabler for a man’s desire to be involved with multiple women, this does not inherently mean that one woman could not be enough for him.

6. Family pressure, fertility, and the desire for an heir

According to a study carried out in Pakistan, the in-law family may pressure wives who are having challenges with conception to let their husbands marry another wife or wives to prevent a divorce.¹¹Naseer, S., Farooq, S., & Malik, F. (2021). Causes and consequences of polygamy: An understanding of coping strategies by co-wives in polygamous marriage. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry, 22(9), 1–10. https://doi.org/10.54615/2231-7805.47221 This culture can make a man feel that one woman is not enough for him when the couple is experiencing infertility.

Sometimes, it is the strong desire for a male child for the continuity of the family’s name or lineage. But while these may enable some men to seek other women, it is not enough reason to say that the woman is inadequate for the man.

Does His Interest in Other Women Mean You Are Not Enough?

As explained several times in the previous sections, a man’s interest in other women does not mean you are not enough as a woman. It reflects his values and commitment to being with one woman.

Each of the reasons above is not flawless and entirely justifiable. This is because it is within a man’s willpower to act on his desires or not.

Unmet needs, whether sexual, psychological, or physical, can be communicated and solved, rather than used to justify cheating. This is typical of men who look outside the relationship instead of addressing its problems. Again, it doesn’t mean that you are not enough.

Are Humans Naturally Polygamous?

Are humans polygamous in nature, or is polygamy influenced by society? Evolutionary psychologists have weighed heavily on this question, as we see in this section.

Marianne Brandon, David Barash, and Robert VerBruggen’s views on this are highlighted below:

• Approximately 85% of pre-industrialized societies held women to a socially monogamous arrangement, while men were permitted to have multiple wives (polygyny).¹²Brandon, M. (2016). Monogamy and nonmonogamy: Evolutionary considerations and treatment challenges. Sexual Medicine Reviews, 4(4), 343–352. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sxmr.2016.05.005
• Reasons cited for the above were related to fecundity, guarantee of paternity, and prevention of social chaos if women were also allowed to practise polyandry.¹³VerBruggen, R. (2016, March 29). Is monogamy unnatural? Institute for Family Studies. https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-monogamy-unnatural/
• David believed that men have a higher reproductive capacity, and they can more easily verify their biological children if women are monogamous, guaranteeing paternity.
• He also explained that dimorphic species like humans usually have more violent and competitive males than females.
• Males achieve puberty later than women, which ensures that they are big or strong enough before they begin competing for mates. This may suggest that there are more females in the reproductive pool at a point in time.¹⁴VerBruggen, R. (2016, March 29). Is monogamy unnatural? Institute for Family Studies. https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-monogamy-unnatural/
• David also explained that allowing women to have multiple husbands while men stay monogamous will increase men’s competitiveness, violence, and social disorder.
• David later stated that monogamy encourages joint parenting, ensures relatively equal distribution of mates, and may better serve the interests of women, reproductive or otherwise.¹⁵Ibid. VerBruggen, R. (2016, March 29)

The most important conclusion is that selective polygyny is likely an artificial construct. The question was more about who should be allowed to express their polygamous desires. The option for both sexes to be monogamous was not thoroughly explored, as this would have easily answered the questions raised.¹⁶Ibid., Brandon, M. (2016). Monogamy and nonmonogamy: Evolutionary considerations and treatment challenges. Sexual Medicine Reviews, 4(4), 343–352. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sxmr.2016.05.005

Can a Man Be Truly Satisfied With One Woman?

Yes, one woman is biologically and psychosocially enough for a man. This is especially true when both partners nurture healthy emotional attachment and sexual compatibility throughout their lives. A man can be truly satisfied with one woman if he aligns his values, desires, and commitment towards monogamy.

Satisfaction does not come from pursuing more women. As is inherent in human nature, deciding to satisfy all such desires often leaves a vacuum that cannot be filled, no matter how many women you pursue.

With a strong resolution, self-control, and good communication, a man can be truly satisfied with one woman.

What To Do If Your Man Wants More Women

If your man desires to have more women, here are some critical steps to take when you find out.

1. Ask what he actually means: Does he want fantasy, polygyny, an open relationship, or an excuse for cheating? Is he dissatisfied with the relationship?
2. Clarify whether you both agreed to monogamy: Trace back to when you agreed to be with him. Did he agree to monogamy, or was he open to exploring more women?
3. Discuss unmet emotional and sexual needs with him: Have these conversations without accepting blame for his choices.
4. Set boundaries and decide together which boundaries are dealbreakers.
5. Demand accountability rather than promises alone.
6. Consider couples counselling if you both genuinely want to repair the relationship.
7. Recognize incompatibility if he wants multiple partners while you want exclusivity.
8. Make a careful decision and communicate it effectively.

How To Build Lasting Satisfaction With One Woman

As a man, building long-term satisfaction with one woman involves being intentional, committed, dedicated, and demonstrating self-control. Here are some practical tips for building long-term satisfaction with your wife as a monogamous man.

1. Choose your wife intentionally and commit fully to the person you chose.
2. Continue to revisit your commitment during challenging times.
3. Communicate unmet emotional and sexual needs with your woman.
4. Create novelty through shared experiences and sharing personal growth.
5. Express appreciation regularly.
6. Avoid directly or mentally comparing your long-term partner with unfamiliar women.
7. Address personal insecurity and need for external validation.
8. Focus on the things you admire about your partner.
9. Maintain appropriate boundaries with other women.
10. Surround yourself with people who value commitment and loyalty in a relationship
11. Reflect on your long-term goals and belief in monogamy.
12. Seek professional help for repeated compulsive behavior towards polygamy.

Frequently Asked Questions

Final words

One woman is enough for a man who values monogamy and is willing to nurture emotional intimacy, stay committed, and communicate his needs. Although several reasons may explain why some men desire multiple women, those factors do not excuse dishonesty and violation of agreed relationship boundaries.

If your partner has expressed an interest in other woman, it does not mean that you are inadequate or “not enough”. Verify want he truly wants and communicate your expectations thereafter. Also decide whether his preferred relationship model is compatible, rather than trying to prove that you are enough for him.

If this article clarified this issue, share with someone who may need the same clarity. And let me know your perspective in the comments below.