If you have dated your boyfriend for many years (say more than five) and have not proposed to you or said anything related to marrying or moving in with you, I am afraid but that could mean he does not want to marry you.
That might be the harshest response you ever got about why your boyfriend has not proposed after so long time but all things being equal, men don’t waste too much time when they find what they are looking for. However, there are other important reasons to consider about why your long-term boyfriend is being too slow to propose.
Here, I will show 8 important reasons to consider before finally letting him go.
8 Reasons Your Boyfriend is Too Slow to Propose
According to Brides.com, “Most couples date for two or more years before getting engaged, with many dating anywhere from two to five years. Once the question is popped, the average length of engagement is most often between 12 and 18 months.”
That means, if it’s taking longer before your long-term boyfriend proposes to you, there might be a problem somewhere. Here are some of the reasons why he might delay the proposal even if he wants to marry you.
1. Fear of commitment
One of the major reasons why your boyfriend might be too slow to propose is the fear of commitment. This is referred to as “Gamophobia” where someone has this unseen fear of commitment and marriage.
Fear of commitment usually stems from various feelings related to his perceived ideas about commitment in relationships, or the perception that commitment will limit his freedom to get on with other women or “explore other options”.
It is logical to experience fear when doing something you have never done before, even worse is the feeling that it is supposed to be an irreversible journey. However, if he truly loves you or wants to be with you, he should be able to express his fears with you while making an effort to overcome them.
2. He is not financially ready for marriage
In many parts of the world, marriage requires a series of ceremonies and parties which might involve a lot of money. Aside from that, a man needs to have a steady stream of income to provide for his new family after marriage.
Financial unpreparedness is therefore one reason why your long-term boyfriend who loves you would delay proposing to you even when he truly wants to marry you. A man who is more financially ready for the responsibilities of marriage and fatherhood is more likely to propose early than one who is not.
3. He thinks it is not the right time for marriage
We all have our own timeline for marriage. Someone may say they want to get married in the next 3-4 years but to you, that is a hell of a long time. Sometimes, your boyfriend may not feel that the time is right for him to take things forward in the relationship and his reasons might be completely acceptable.
For example, if he might want to achieve some milestones in his career before committing to marriage. He might want to bag his Master’s degree first or establish his business first.
The biological timeline for marriage differs for men and women. At a certain age, women are at a higher pressure to get married than men of the same age. Marriage becomes a higher priority to them, and this could be the reason why you feel he is being too slow to propose.
However, the case is, you need to look out for the signs that he wants to marry you and after you find them, patiently wait for him till he is ready. It may be shorter than you imagine.
4. He has a different understanding of marriage
We all assume everybody wants to settle down and get married to the love of their life but some people do not share those ideas about marriage. Some people want intimacy but not anything in the semblance of commitment or marriage.
It is important to find out what your boyfriend’s ideas about marriage are even before you get so long into the relationship. But assuming you didn’t know so much earlier on, he might have a different understanding of marriage that may not exactly align with yours.
What if he doesn’t believe in building a legitimate family? What if he does not believe in the ceremonies and charades surrounding marriage?
Well, he still has time to change his beliefs about marriage but for the time being, this could be the reason why he is yet to propose to you or take the relationship to the next level.
5. Your expectations are overwhelming
Your expectations could further put more fear into him if he already has some concerns. For example, a girl persistently emphasizing to her boyfriend that her engagement ring must be a diamond ring or a 24-karat Gold ring when he barely makes enough money to take care of both of you can be frightening.
There are many other ways you may display overwhelming expectations. Constantly nagging him that your wedding must be elaborate and must be within 6 months after he has proposed to you can be way too much for a man who is still struggling to establish his career.
6. He is not sure where the relationship is headed
A man’s feelings can be rock solid when he is very convinced you are the one he wants to marry. Other times, he can begin to experience uncertainties in his feelings for you and the relationship. This is one important reason why he would not be in a hurry to propose to you even when you think he should.
Even when a man likes you too much, he still needs time to get to know you well enough before taking things ahead.
Secondly, he might be experiencing some emotional turbulence from meeting an ex who showed up again, or some other things that can cause emotional indecisiveness.
In any of these cases, you should be patient with him while he figures out himself but if you think you can’t wait for him, you are at liberty to move on with someone else who loves you more.
What To Do When He Is Too Slow To Propose
It is normal to feel resentful, frustrated, and disappointed when your long-term boyfriend is acting too slow in proposing to you but there are ways you can handle the issue maturely and safely.
1. Relax! Take a breath!!
The last thing you want to do is to allow yourself to spiral down into anxiety or pressure. Stay calm, relax, and breathe. You might realize that your anxiety is what is making it look too long in your eyes.
Think about other things that make you happy. When you allow yourself to get worked up, you might uncontrollably transfer that pressure to your boyfriend which can lead to a breakup you never wanted.
You can discuss your concerns with him calmly if that makes you feel more relaxed. At the same time, try to hear his reasons for not taking things to the next level. If it is something you are okay with, then you can wait, otherwise, it will save you the stress of waiting in vain.
2. Be patient
Patience is required when dealing with delayed proposals. Many people get impatient when they compare themselves with their friends who are probably engaged or married at the time but they forget that everyone has their own time.
Get rid of unforeseen fears from your past experiences in your relationship. The fact that your last relationship did not work out does not mean this one won’t. So, be patient.
Mounting pressure on your boyfriend, because you want him to marry you quickly, can bring problems down the line in the relationship. Always remember that no matter how long the relationship has been, it should better break than progress into a toxic marriage which would eventually end in a painful divorce.
3. Stay off social media for a while
If you think you cannot handle the pressure from social media, you should stay off it for a while. Social media has a way of making single people feel pressured to marry. They make love so sweet and flawless but those fantasies are far from what happens in real life.
Instead of succumbing to the unreal pressure to marry, you might want to stay off social media for a while until you have gotten over it. No matter how many people get married on the internet every day, it cannot stop yours from happening.
4. Practice self-love
Self-love will help you regain your mind in case the situation is getting to you. It’s not your fault that he is being too slow to propose. So, why should you beat yourself for it?
Self-love and self-care involve things like getting adequate rest, sleep, exercise, focusing on other things that bring you happiness, living your life to the fullest, and pursuing your own dreams. It will be unwise to allow someone else’s life to distort your life and ambitions.
5. Discuss with him
If after doing all you can or waiting beyond how long you can afford to wait, you should call him for a heart-to-heart discussion. You want to know what his plans and feelings are. You want to know if he still thinks you will get married to each other. A discussion is a great way to understand him better and to see if it will be worth any more wait or not.
Why do some guys wait so long to propose?
Some reasons why your boyfriend might wait longer before proposing include fear of commitment, financial unpreparedness, a different understanding of marriage and relationship, and others. If there is no justifiable reason preventing him from proposing to you, it could be that he does not like you enough.
It is not fair to string your partner along if you have no intention to propose unless you are both okay with not getting married. Good open communication will help speed up things between you a bit.
How can you make your boyfriend propose faster?
While many women use persuasions and enticements to pressure their man into proposing to them, the results can be catastrophic. The best scenario is if he succumbs to her and goes on with the wedding when he is not fully prepared or unsure if to take things forward. Things could however hit the dead end soon.
Some partners who faced pressure to marry have absconded the night before the wedding day. Sometimes, the relationship could even break up due to the overwhelming pressure your partner is getting from you. But you simply need to live your best life, and basing your happiness on someone else's life.
Look out for signs that he wants to marry you for a few months (say 5-8 months). Communicate your needs and concerns. I know it can be difficult to walk out of a relationship you have invested so much into but if you genuinely feel that your boyfriend is not showing any promising signs, you might have to take your leave, instead of trying to force him to propose to you.
Final words
Fear of commitment, lack of financial stability, understanding of marriage, and overwhelming expectations, are some of the reasons why your long-term boyfriend can be too slow to propose to you. It can also mean that he does not want to marry you, maybe not anymore.
It is also important to establish the right reasons through discussions and peacefully asking him the right questions.
