8 Powerful Ways to Communicate Better with Your Partner

People have stressed the need for communication in a relationship, leading couples to seek better ways of communication. Communicating in a relationship with your partner involves more than just talking. You need to learn how to listen to your partner so that both of you can feel satisfied in the relationship, and to meet your emotional needs in a relationship.

Communication with a relationship partner may seem straightforward in theory until we are faced with the task of applying it effectively in real-life situations. This is because, while general communication principles exist, they need to be tailored to the unique dynamics of each one’s partner and the specific contexts of the relationship.^[1]Leanne K. Knobloch. Evaluating a Contextual Model of Responses to Relational Uncertainty Increasing Events: The Role of Intimacy, Appraisals, and Emotions. Human Communication Research, Volume 31, … Continue reading

To further buttress the importance of effective and specific communication with one’s partner, several studies have unearthed how communication is pivotal in solving the riddle behind why a once loving and promising relationship breaks down over time, even to points of no return.^[2]De Netto PM, Quek KF, Golden KJ. Communication, the Heart of a Relationship: Examining Capitalization, Accommodation, and Self-Construal on Relationship Satisfaction. Front Psychol. 2021

Thus, it is very important to understand the general communication principles in a relationship, and also learn to articulate these in the context of one’s romantic relationship. When you know how to communicate with your partner, it is easier to trust each other, stay intimately close to each other, and quickly resolve issues that may come up in the relationship.

In this article, you will learn key ways to communicate better with your partner for a more enriching and exciting relationship.

General Principles of Effective Communication

David Christopher, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 30 years of experience, discussed the following principles of communication in contexts of romantic relationships.

1. Setting the right stage
2. Active listening
3. Objectively expressing yourself using “I” statements
4. Being respectful
5. Avoiding unfounded assumptions
6. Clarity and conciseness
7. Empathy
8. Readiness for feedback, and
9. Accepting when wrong and taking responsibility

While there might be other principles of communication out there, the above embodies the essential building blocks of every effective communication in relationships.

8 Ways to Communicate Better with Your Partner

Having seen some of the general principles of effective communication, we can bring them home by discussing specific ways you can improve communication with your partner and live happier in your relationship.

1. Listen actively to your partner

Communication in a relationship is not only about sending the right messages but also involves showing that you are listening to what your partner says. Active listening is a fundamental principle of good communication that can change the way you communicate with your romantic partner.

Listening to your partner when they are talking shows that you are not only concerned about getting your emotional and physical needs met, but want to meet theirs too.

To listen actively to your partner, you need to be fully present in the moment and avoid distractions such as your phone or TV, maintain eye contact, nod occasionally, and seek clarification when you do not fully understand what they are trying to say. It is also important to give your partner time to finish speaking before responding.

2. Pay attention to non-verbal cues

Paying attention to your partner’s body cues can open up hidden issues that need to be addressed in one’s relationship. Some people might not always want to raise issues too frequently until they are prompted to speak up. Understanding this will help you pay attention to your partner’s body cues to understand their inner feelings in the relationship.

Paying attention to non-verbal cues is the aspect of communication that recognizes that communication is beyond just spoken words and verbal expressions. Sometimes, your partner can communicate in subtle ways, and paying attention to those cues is one way to show that you really care about their feelings and emotions.

3. Discover how your partner likes to communicate

Different people have different ways they like to communicate, by this I mean, some may prefer to say things casually, sometimes with humor, while others prefer to directly express themselves. Also, someone may prefer being spoken to verbally, while others may prefer gestures, touches, etc.

One important way to effectively communicate with your partner is by knowing how your partner likes to communicate. Well! This may vary across different situations. So intentionally study how your partner would like to communicate, throw in some light humor to lighten the conversation when necessary, etc.

4. Express yourself using “I” statements

Our lives can indeed be stressful in more ways than we may like it. This might make us subconsciously try to bring the stress into the relationship. But when you are stressed, angry, or feeling any other form of negative emotion, learning to talk to your partner during that state will help you grow together in the relationship.

The importance of using “I” statements transcends beyond some form of grammatical technicalities. It simply involves making statements in a respectful and non-critical manner by using “I” instead of “you”.

For example, instead of saying “You never listen to me”, “I” statements would say “I feel like I am not been heard or listened to”. This approach helps your partner understand your perspective without feeling attacked.

5. Be empathic

Empathy is the ability to see things from another person’s perspective. It’s putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, and this is a major aspect of communication that cannot be over-emphasized.

Empathy is an important ingredient for effective communication because the purpose of communication is often defeated when someone feels like they are not understood. People naturally listen more when you first show them that you understand them. The same applies in the context of romantic relationships.

6. Openness

Openness is another important aspect of communication that is equally very important in romantic relationships. It is the willingness to express yourself respectfully, rather than assuming that your partner should understand how you feel.

Sometimes, your partner might genuinely not be aware of how their action or inaction makes you feel. This is where openness comes in.

No one loves conflicts or misunderstandings in their relationship, but rather than hide how you feel, communicate it respectfully and politely. Don’t also assume that your partner won’t listen to what you have to say. Until you have expressed yourself, it is impractical to say that your partner knows or should know.

7. Keep the past in the past

One common communication issue in most relationships today is the habit of bringing up past wrongs rather than focusing on what is currently happening. But this can hamper effective communication with your partner.

When your partner perceives that you are bringing up the past into the conversation, it changes the trajectory of the communication entirely. This can also signal to them that you never let go or forgive genuinely, making them cast doubts on your genuineness as a partner.

Whether you mean it or not, avoid making verbal or non-verbal reference to some past wrongs that you have previously said to have forgiven. Persistently bringing up the past can make your partner scared of expressing themselves because they fear you cannot be trusted.

8. Consult a counsellor

Sometimes, people experience difficulty expressing themselves. It may be something very painful or something that makes one feel uncomfortable. In such cases, there is room to seek help from a counselor who is trained to handle these matters objectively and without any form of prejudice or bias.

Depending on which part of the world, you can find counselors close to you when you need help beyond your ability to resolve communication problems independently.

Conclusion

A relationship cannot thrive or cannot exist for a long time if partners cannot communicate, or at least properly with each other. Communication is vital, which is why it is very important to learn specific ways to communicate with your partner effectively.

But while many might see it as a straightforward thing, that may be a gross understatement. Understanding communication in a relationship goes beyond just speaking, and involves such other things as active listening, empathy, openness, and respectfulness.

This article explored some practical ways for better communication for mutual understanding and satisfaction in your romantic relationship.