Has anyone confronted you that you are a bad listener? Do you think you are not listening enough? Are you having problems understanding people? Or do you find it hard to sustain conversations with other people without turning into a heated conflict? Listening is both an art and a skill that you can learn. Good listening ability is important because of its numerous benefits as you would see here.
A bad listener is someone who does not effectively engage in the act of listening. He does not take into account the various components of listening. Hearing is a passive process involving the entry of sound waves into the ears, but listening is an active process that involves paying attention to the speaker, patiently and actively thinking about what they are saying, as well as observing for non-verbal cues.
In this post, you are going to see 7 important signs that will suggest that you are a bad listener even when you think you are not, and how to improve your listening ability. Just before, we see these signs of a bad listener, let us see some importance of being a good listener.
Importance of being a good Listener
Being a good listener is important in both personal and professional relationships. Listening is an essential component of communication without which there will be misunderstanding, conflicts, and lack of connection with other people at work or with your partner in personal relationships.
Here are some importance of being a good listener:
- Helps to build trust and understanding with others.
- Helps to enhance connection and bond with partners.
- It makes other people feel respected and give respect in return.
- It leads to stronger and more positive relationships.
- Listening helps to resolve conflicts.
- It helps to improve communication in personal/romantic relationships.
- Listening leads to more effective teamwork and better problem-solving.
- Listening helps to enhance team productivity.
- Listening improves customer satisfaction in the business place.
- It is important in the negotiation and management of employees, colleagues, and clients.
- It helps you to understand better what you are being taught at school or work.
7 signs you are a bad listener and how to change
There are tell-tale signs that show that you are a bad listener, even when no one else has told you. Before you begin to experience problems resulting from poor listening skills, it is important you first look at these signs to see if you are a bad listener or not.
These signs will help you know if you are a bad listener, and alongside, I provide you with tips on how to improve and become a good listener.
1. Interrupting others while they are speaking
Do you find yourself always interrupting someone when they are talking? If it ever feels like the other person’s time is longer than yours, you may be experiencing impatience and that’s a sign that you are a bad listener.
Interrupting someone while they are speaking is a sign of poor listening because it shows a lack of respect for the speaker and what they have to say. When you interrupt someone, you are indirectly telling them that their ideas are not important and that you have something more important to say. This can make the other person feel dismissed and disrespected, such that it can affect the relationship or make it hard for them to confidently communicate with you in the future.
The essence of listening is to understand the message the speaker is trying to pass along. Poor listening defeats that purpose from the onset. Interrupting someone while they are speaking is a clear sign that you are not interested in what the speaker has to say, rather you are more focused on what you want to say. Communication is a two-way affair, and once you make it otherwise so, it can result in misunderstanding, conflicts, and miscommunication.
It is therefore important that you stay calm when the other person is still speaking. Even when their words seem to annoy you or stimulate you to speak, learn to stay calm and reserved.
2. The person complains about conversations with you
The quality of every communication is reflected in the ability of both partners to listen effectively to the other when they are not talking. The conversation gets annoying to the other person when you are always trying to speak and prove a point that their ideas are not as important. In such cases, you would find the other person complaining about the conversation, or getting irritated by it.
A good conversation should involve two mature people who wait for their turn before they speak. They should also be seen listening to points made by the other person and taking out lessons from them. No matter how you think of an idea brought up by someone, there are always some elements of truth in it. So, focus on understanding their context and then, you can add your own ideas to it.
When you handle your conversations as a ping-pong, one person speaks and the other follows, you will find that both of you will be happy at the end of the conversation but when the other person complains or leaves the conversation angrily, that’s a clear sign that you are bad at listening.
3. Planning what to say while the other is speaking
Planning what to say next while your partner is still speaking is a clear sign that you are not listening to them. When you are actively listening, you are seen making efforts to understand what the person is saying to you and not thinking about what you what to say next.
Finding yourself engrossed thinking about your next points rather than trying to understand what the other person has to say is a clear sign that you are a bad listener. Deliberately learn to listen more. As a matter of fact, it is better to listen more and speak less, than listen less and speak more.
4. You feel attacked by the other person’s point
Feeling attacked by the other person’s point of view is a sign of poor listening because it indicates that you are seeing the conversation as a competition. When you are interested in listening to what they have to say, don’t feel like they are directly antagonizing you. It takes a calm disposition to be able to listen effectively. That means you need to tell yourself that you don’t always have to be right, and it’s okay to be wrong sometimes.
Feeling attacked by the other person can mean one of two things as far as listening is concerned. Either you are not listening well enough or your partner is not listening well enough. When they do not understand what you are saying, they might think that you are saying things that will hurt them and they may turn around to attack you verbally.
Active listening makes you learn better and faster at home or work. It gives you the ability to project into the full context of what the other person has to say, even if it comes out different from what you had to say.
You don’t always have to be right. You don’t know everything, and it’s okay to be wrong sometimes. While you try to make your point, listening will help you see the other person’s point of view and understand their own context about the conversation. This makes you learn more than someone who prefers only to speak and never listens.
5. You attack every word instead of focusing on entire statements
People will poor listening skills are more commonly associated with misinterpreting statements. They focus on words at their ‘face value’, and not thinking about what they actually mean, especially when they are said together in a statement. When you see yourself always antagonizing the speaker without understanding everything about what they just said, it likely means you are not listening to the full context of what they are saying.
A word can mean anything depending on the context with which it was said, together with other factors like facial expression and body language. To better understand a speaker, you need to listen to the statement in full, while taking into cognizance their body language and voice tone.
6. Changing topics in the middle of the conversation
Changing topics in the middle of a conversation is a sign of poor listening. It shows that you are not fully engaged in the current conversation and are not interested in what the speaker has to say. It also indicates that you are paying attention to the message of the speaker, or that you have already formed an opinion on the topic.
Changing topic in the middle of a conversation can disrupt the flow and make it difficult for the speaker to effectively communicate their message. This is one way poor listening lead to communication breakdown. This can also create a sense of tension and discomfort in the conversation and can make the speaker unwilling to express themselves further.
It is important to keep track of the topic your partner is talking about before making a contribution. This is to ensure that you say words relevant to the conversation at hand, and in a meaningful way.
7. Not asking follow-up questions
Not asking follow-up questions is another sign of poor listening. Follow-up questions are important aspects of active listening that shows that you are paying attention to what the speaker is saying. Asking follow-up questions signals the speaker that you desire to better understand your speaker and what they have to say, while also helping you to achieve these.
Follow-up questions are questions you ask to clarify a statement or idea spoken by the speaker. Asking follow-up questions means you are actively trying to understand the speaker. For example, asking about what the speaker means after they have made a statement during their speech. The moment you are actively trying to listen to the speaker, follow-up questions will naturally come your mind.
8. Not giving non-verbal cues
Non-verbal cues like maintaining eye contact, nodding, and facial expressions, are important indicators of active listening. Not giving these cues naturally indicates that you are not paying attention to what your speaker is trying to say. Non-verbal cues come instinctively if you are actively listening. It is therefore important to actively think about what your speaker is saying while listening to them.
9. Not paying attention to the speaker’s body language
Getting the full context of what a speaker is saying involves listening carefully to their voice tone for emphasis, as well as observing their facial expressions, gestures, and changes in posture. This convey depth and fullness to the speaker’s message and can help you understand them better.
When you fail to pay attention to a speaker’s body language and facial expressions, you are exhibiting a classic sign of a bad listener. Learn to pay attention to everything the speaker has to say including what they emphasize or de-emphasize using their body language and non-verbal cues.
10. Being too quick to offer solutions
Being too quick to offer solutions is another sign of poor listening. Providing solutions is a good thing in itself, but doing so too quickly robs you of the opportunity to understand the speaker’s view, to empathize with their feelings, or to identify the root cause of their problem. By doing so, not only do you miss out on the understanding of the real problem, it also make the speaker less confident to trust your judgment and opinion.
Basic tips on how to be a good listener
Here are some basic tips on being a good listener:
- Pay attention: Give the speaker your full attention and avoid distractions, such as looking at your phone or thinking about something else.
- Be present: Be present in the moment and focus on the speaker and their message.
- Show interest: Use nonverbal cues, such as nodding, maintaining eye contact, and responding appropriately to indicate that you are engaged and interested in the conversation.
- Ask questions: Ask follow-up questions to gain a deeper understanding of the speaker’s message and to show that you are interested in their thoughts and feelings.
- Listen actively: Listen actively by paraphrasing, summarizing and rephrasing what the speaker is saying, this shows that you are following their message and try to understand their perspective
- Avoid interrupting: Let the speaker finish their thoughts before responding, and avoid interrupting or talking over them.
- Practice empathy: Try to understand the speaker’s perspective and feelings, and respond in an empathetic and supportive way.
- Hold your solution: Avoid jumping to solutions too quickly, take the time to understand the speaker’s message before offering suggestions
Conclusion
As discussed, the signs that you are a bad listener includes interrupting others, planning your next thoughts, not asking essential questions, etc.
No matter how good your listening skills are currently, there is always a chance to improve. And if you think you are a bad listener, the tips contained in this article can help you become a better listener.
Being a good listener has numerous benefits: it fosters bond in relationships, enhances performance at work, helps in conflict resolutions and much more. Becoming a better listener can also help you get the best understanding when you are being taught in school or learn better from your teachers at work.
