There is yet no universally accepted age difference between a man and a woman who want to get married to each other, but there has been an observation that has gained universal approval over the years. Whether or not the man should be younger or older is subject to different interpretations across different cultures of the world. However, in most climes, the man is always older than the woman for some obvious reasons that you will soon find out in this post.
I know you will agree with me that the man should be emotionally mature enough to head the woman, especially if you are also from areas where male dominance is the norm. However, there are different reasons behind these cultural choices and norms. In your own opinion, what are your reasons for or against a man marrying a woman that is older than him?
Talking of male dominance and the opposing notion of feminism, the males are naturally better equipped to lead the women than the reverse order. But this is a discussion topic for another day.
What is the required age gap between man and woman?
I once talked with one of my female friends at school about how possible it could be for close age-mates to settle together in matrimony, her response was in the negative. Even though she would not categorically say it’s impossible, she had the notion that there should be some good age difference between the couple. She even affirmed that there is no way she could settle down with a man who is almost the same age as her. By implication, she already eliminated me as a possible suitor to her because our age difference is not so significant. But why do you think she had to stand by this? Do you think it doesn’t matter who is older, so far there is some gap in-between the ages?
In the African setting, marriage is usually between two people with very wide age gaps, sometimes more than ten years with the man being the older partner. It is rare to see a marriage between a man and an older woman. But thinking critically, what are the reasons why this is so?
How does maturity affect marriage tendencies?
Naturally, it is expected that a man should be stable, mature and responsible enough to house a wife before he gets married to one. Some of these factors, – stability, maturity and responsibility – referred to have a strong correlation with age. That means the older a man is, the high the chances that he will be more mature, more stable and more responsible than when he was younger.
Maybe there is a certain level of maturity, stability or responsibility required before the man can be allowed to house a wife, correlating with a certain age value he must attain. But it doesn’t always work this way. Though age comes with an experience of some real life’s stuff, the level of maturity is dependent on the individual and how much they are willing to open themselves up to learn about life.
I have delved into maturity and other requirements needed for a man to get married, but suffice me to say that one of the core reasons why the man is required to be matured before getting married is for him to be a better leader of the home and to be able to handle the excesses of the wife.
In the above scenario, we are assuming that the woman is less mature and need the man to be able to cope with her. Now, let’s look into a scenario where the woman is older. This may mean that she is more mature too. This looks like one major advantage of a marriage between a man and an older woman, but we shall fully explore these shortly.
Without any further ado, let us see the pros/advantages of marrying an older woman.
Pros of Marrying an Older Woman (Advantages)
What are some advantages of marrying an older woman? When you marry an older woman and she truly loves you, there are some things you would benefit from the union as a man. First, this is somebody that has learnt a lot from life, she could even as wise and mature as you are or even more. Thus, she would not totally rely on your teachings and wisdom to understand some basic things.
Here are some of the pros or advantages of marrying an older woman, that is, a woman getting married to a man who is younger than her.
She is more mature and homely.
She may be self-sustaining.
She understands life really well.
She accepts your flaws as a man.
She understands sex better.
She is More Mature and Homely
Depending on the age difference, an older woman usually understands life more than her younger husband especially if she is old enough to be his mother. Yes, this happens too.
She is more homely, more mature than the younger women and young girls who are still carried away by the pride of life as young women. In most cases, the woman who decides to marry a younger man does so because she needs some physical and/or sexual comfort and she is unable to find that in her peers.
Your wife soon assumes the role of your mother immediately after you marry her. Marrying an older woman is even better. She is more homely, more accommodating, just like your real mother would. A good older wife would treat the husband as she would treat her son, but she would still stay submissive to him physically, emotionally and sexually. This means that she would live by the wisdom she has gathered over the years about men, women and marriage, and channel these into the marriage to make it successful, while still staying submissive because she knows that is the only way you can satisfy her other needs too.
She is More Self-sustaining
This is not a constant factor amongst older women, but in some cases, older women who are interested in consummating a lasting relationship with a younger man are financially and socially established. In other words, they have the means to take care of themselves with or without you.
Much older women who have amassed some wealth often need a younger and more active man only because they need a man to satisfy their sexual needs and other related needs. The only thing the man brings to the table is companionship.
Although this may be considered an advantage, it is not an absolute or complete advantage because it is supposed to be the duty of the man to cater for the family and not the other way round. Several reasons support this but that is a topic for another day. Also, not allowing a man to perform these ‘manly functions’ robs him of his pride and personality in society.
She Understands Life Really Well
Understanding life entails one of several things. One, understanding the peculiarities of men that makes them different from women. Two, understanding sex and its importance. Three, understanding money and its dynamics. Four, understanding leadership and submission, etc.
One obvious advantage of marrying an older woman is that she understands many facets of life by virtue of her age and experiences. It is not likely that you are the first man she has ever been with all her life. She must have learnt many lessons from her past relationship(s) and/or marriage(s). And those have made her better and wiser. She now knows better.
Younger women would see life as a bed of roses, they would expect things to always be in their favour, but the experiences of the older woman through life have shaped her view of things. Her expectations are different and more realistic, she understands your needs and the needs of those around her, she knows what it means to fight for love and directly relates to some of the challenges you may encounter. What do you expect, she has been through some of those challenges before.
An older wife will do everything possible to keep the marriage going. She doesn’t think she has time to hop in from one marriage to another anymore.
She Accepts Your Flaws as a Man
The only women that do not know what men are capable of are the young ones. Advanced women seldom trust that men can ever be faithful in a relationship or marriage. They have seen quite a lot in their life, how they had been betrayed by men. A young woman may have believed that man she loves would never do anything to hurt her, but it later turns out she was wrong. This experience also shapes how she sees men and marriage.
By accepting your flaws as a man, here is what I mean. Men are often flawed as unfaithful sluts, betrayers and the likes. But not everyone can tolerate those behaviours of unfaithfulness. I am not in any way justifying unfaithfulness in marriage, as a matter of fact, I totally frown against it as a person. But the older woman has learnt to keep their peace of mind, by turning a blind eye to the mischiefs of men in the marriage. She knows and accepts that you might go out with other women, even younger ones. Not a great achievement though, but the good side is that she would keep her peace with her.
She Understands Sex Better
In a survey done by Today.com, nine men commented on their sexual experience with their older female partner and their remarks would surprise you. Generally, they expressed that sex with older women is more interesting because the woman knows what exactly she wants and she would go for it. They are also honest about their feelings, if she likes the sex, she will outrightly tell you “I love it”. Otherwise, they would also make you know that. She knows how to satisfy you and satisfy herself at the same time. Below is a screenshot of some of their comments.
Advantages of marrying an older woman; source: Today.com
In summary, older women make the relationship a whole lot easier for both of you. She knows what she wants and knows how to communicate it maturely. At this point, there is every reason to give the trophy to the pros side of the argument. But before we do that, let’s see some of the cons or disadvantages of marrying an older woman.
Cons of Marrying an Older Woman (Disadvantages)
Everything with advantages has some disadvantages too, and vice-versa, with a few exceptions though. I have just listed some advantages in the preceding section, but when they mention “marrying an older woman”, what first comes to your mind? Wait a minute, let me guess! You think of the disadvantages first, of how improper it is for a man to marry a woman older than her. Society has made it so, although if the age gap is short, it can be overlooked.
To save time, let’s delve into some of the cons and why it may be unideal to marry a woman older than you, not to talk of if she is more than a donkey year older.
She may be non-submissive.
Knowing better than the man.
She may look older and less attractive
Lack of satisfaction for the man.
Lack of freedom.
She May Be Non-submissive
In order for them to get maximum satisfaction, some older women would assume the superior role in the relationship. She is older, knows many things, she could have also mastered the craft of manipulating men. She knows how to cage you in at any time. This will allow her to exercise her non-submissiveness to get what she wants per time.
Most of the non-submissive women belong to the class of older women who have everything they need to survive and do not really need you to live on. These wealthy cougars would control your every move and would never assume the submissive role at any point. This may become very challenging if you are not ready to strip so low to let her control your entire life.
Knowing Better Than The Man
Naturally, men are built to function maximally when they are in charge. Stripping him of his ego cost him more than a fortune.
The fact that the woman knows a lot of things more than the man can be an advantage, I included it in the pros too. But this would soon become sour-tasting if the woman is taking advantage of her superior against the man.
If the union between an older woman and a younger man would have great chances of survival, the woman must learn to This would have been considered an advantage only that the man needs to be more mature emotionally. In many cases of these marriages, the older woman may have mastered subjecting her experiences and knowledge to remain under the guidance of her younger husband.
She May Look Older and Less Attractive
For the singular reason that women age faster than men, the higher the age difference, the older and less attractive she would look. In addition, post-menopausal women (women past the age of menopause – around 45-50 years) may show some facial, skin and body changes that may make them feel and look significantly different from how they were when they were much younger. These changes are mainly due to reduced levels of hormones, oestrogen and progesterone as she ages.
It is not in all cases that older women would appear olden, shrivelled and rickety. Some older women have exceptionally stayed beautiful and ever young through the middle ages. Well, other factors may have accounted for this. However, women generally tend to look older than the men of the same age bracket once they cross a certain age rank,
It, therefore, means that if you marry a younger woman, you will both appear to match up after a while. If you marry your age-mate, she may begin to look older as you grow old together. How do you think it will be if a man marries an older woman? From these deductions, I’d leave that answer for you to give.
Lack of Satisfaction For The Man
When it comes to issues of relationships and marriage, the past is not easily forgotten. Commitment is a hard thing to do. One or both partners want to be able to freely meet other people and possible intimate deeply with them, but the restriction yet stares into their face.
When presented with an opportunity to cheat, couples would usually ask themselves if their partner could have ever cheated on them too. If the response is a “yes”, it becomes easier for them to cheat their turn too. But how is this important in this case?
If you are a man who had never been with the women, that is, you did not fully explore youthful sex and related activity, you may feel unsatisfied when you realise that the first woman you are getting committed to is an older woman. Consequently, when presented with a young hottie, you may not hesitate to eat the fresh honey from her honey pot even when you have a legitimately married older woman back in the home.
Lack of Freedom
Many of the time, a younger agrees to marry a woman older than him because of some financial or material benefits he would derive from her. For example, she promises you she would bequeath half of her wealth and assets to you if only you can marry her and satisfy her sexually. This is not a far-fetched scenario, and it is not limited to the movies. These happen in real-life cases and I am sure you can picture it clearly.
If a man marries an older woman just because of some financial benefits, that leaves the most part of the control to the woman, thus restricting the man’s freedom to do certain things. No man wants to be treated as a slave, although circumstances can force him to accept the status quo. However, it is worth noting that lack of freedom is also a possible reality when a man marries an older woman.
Conclusively, I have given you the pros and cons of marrying an older woman. Both sides almost equally represented so that you can personally weigh your choices critically before you marry a woman who is older than you.
Ethically, there is nothing much against marriage between a man and an older woman. However, like I already mentioned in the body of the post, society naturally favours that the woman is younger than the man. What is more important in every marriage and/or relationship is that both partners are committed to each other and they love each other.
It is not news that most women would prefer to be with a man who is older than them, someone she considers higher, wiser and more advanced. The reasons for this are not far-fetched, they simply want a man who is matured enough to lead her and the entire family in peace.
I will drop my pen here, but if any, let me your thoughts about this topic in the comment section below. Thanks for reading.
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