Hey! I want to ask again, how long does it take to get over a breakup? But, hold on a bit. Let me assume you don’t know the answer, at least, not yet. But by the end of this post, I have specially curated an answer to that question and a few other questions that you didn’t get the opportunity to ask.
I’ve experienced several breakups in my life too and one thing I can be certain about is that no two breakup experiences are exactly the same. Some feel more painful than the other(s). However, the experience of a breakup is one that can be very difficult to deal with without help from external sources. Little words of encouragement from friends have helped me successfully go through the heartbreak phases of some breakups I have experienced.
But wait again! How long does it take to get over a breakup? And how did I get over a breakup in one week?
How Long Does It Take To Get Over a Breakup?
Studies have shown that people begin to feel better around three months post-breakup. Another study revealed more concisely that it takes 3 months and 11 days before the average American feels ready to date again after a major breakup.
Yet another study, which evaluated 155 undergraduates who had been through breakups within the previous six months, also found that 71 per cent of the students start to feel significantly better around the 11-week mark, or around 3 months.
Divorces, understandably, often take the longest. One study on marital splits found that divorcees need around 17 months and 26 days to catch their breath and move on.
However, there is no single date or a fixed number of days or weeks or months after which everyone is supposed to have gotten over a breakup. There are different factors that determine how long it would take for every individual to get over their breakup and move on. What are these factors?
Factors That Determine How Long It Takes To Move On
A toxic breakup, with no closure
How opened up you were
Being new to dating and breakups
Ignorance of what to do to heal faster
Feeling that your ex loved you
The response of your ex after the breakup
Toxic Breakup, With No Closure
Toxic breakups are those in which one of the partners suddenly closes up on the other, without discussing it with them about it or giving them a safe ground to bear on. This usually happens when the other party who is initiating the breakup suddenly perceives that the other person may not be genuinely ready for the relationship, or in response to a wrong done to them in some ways.
In the majority of the cases, the ex-partner who is starting the breakup do not give them a reason or closure, and would even go ahead to block all means of communication or contacts from the other person. This kind of breakups to an unsuspecting partner can be so painful and would take them a long time to heal.
How Opened Up You Were
People say commitment is vulnerability and I totally agree with them. The more committed you are to someone or a relationship, the more open and vulnerable you are to them. You literally put your heart at stake for them because you love them. But then, things don’t always go right, do they?
The extent to which you were open to someone will determine how much lain you would feel. This vulnerability could be in the form of displaying them or their pictures to friends and family, allowing them to make love and have sex with you at will, and sacrificing most of the things you love dearly just to make them happy. These are core and fundamental to a lasting relationship. However, the other partner may simply not deserve them enough.
A little note about openness and vulnerability is that after you become seriously victimized because of how vulnerable you made yourself, your heart begins to harden significantly even for your next relationships. Good or bad, but that’s what happens.
Being New to Dating and Breakups
The more experience you have in handling relationship breaks, the better you will be able to deal with a breakup. Relationship starters are usually more vulnerable than those who have had a series of breakups because at that level, they do not know how to set limits for someone who seems not to be deserving.
When you see the warning signs already, it is important you act promptly, either by asking for a separation yourself or by setting tight vulnerability boundaries to protect yourself when the inevitable happens.
Ignorance of What To Do To Heal Faster
Imagine putting up a call across to your toxic ex who definitely would not answer the phone, you actually hurt more afterwards. During the post-breakup period, there are things you should do to get over the feelings of heartbreak quickly. But if you do not know these things, you end up worsening however you are currently feeling.
Feeling That Your Ex Loved You
Why is this important? Breakup is worse when you keep thinking that the entire fault was from you. In fact, the best secrets to getting over a breakup are those that reassures you of your personal dignity and self-worth. But when you keep thinking that you blew things up, that your ex truly loved you and that only you were at fault, you worsen the feeling of breakup and prolong how long it would take you to heal.
The simple truth is anyone that leaves you does not deserve you because you are the best of yourself and nothing less.
The Response of Your Ex After the Breakup
There is usually a kind of competition after a breakup of who gets hurt the more, such that when you see your ex getting happier, you feel worse. Because of this, you often find yourself taking actions that may make your ex unhappy or feel jealous. The more you think that they are depressed because of the breakup, the better you feel. But why is this important to mention here?
It is recommended that after a breakup, peaceful or toxic, you should take some space apart with your ex. Avoid calls, contacts or other things or objects that remind you of ex. This is important because the response you would get when you attempt to reach out to them may complicate issues for you. This could be in two scenarios as follows:
You call your toxic ex and they ignore you, feels bad, right?
You call them on video and you see them happy a week after the breakup, with another hot chick/dude, like seriously?
There could be other scenarios though but the fact is the response of your ex towards the breakup could really mess things up further for you.
Other Important Questions About Breakup
I put the statistics of how long it takes to get over a breakup in the earlier sections of this post. The stats showed 3 months approximately, but do you know it can even be shorter? I got over my last breakup in one week. So unbelievable, right? But I will show you how. But before we see how I got over my last breakup in one week, let’s answer some important questions about breakup first.
Question 1: Why does it take time to heal?
Answer: It takes time to heal a broken heart because it takes time to build as well. Memories do not just erase off from your brain like it does from your computer hard disk. Both good and bad memories from the way we perceive the world around us. And even after a breakup, not only do you still remember the bad memories, you remember the good ones as well. And to wake up to see that the person you once loved, gave your whole life to, is no more in your life is a reality you wish never happened. It has happened, but time will heal.
Question 2: How can I prevent breakup and the feeling of heartbreak?
To prevent heartbreak, don’t go into a relationship. To prevent the feeling of heartbreak, don’t love at all or get close to anybody ever. Relationships are risky ventures, not only is your money and time at risk, but your heart and dreams are also at risk. Anyway, I can’t advise you to avoid those risks. Life itself is about risk-taking.
Question 3: How can you heal faster?
To heal faster after a heartbreak, you need a combination of things. But it all begins with engaging in activities that will keep your mind off the breakup. There are many such activities that keep your mind and body away from the memories of your ex. Take care of yourself, focus on your career, mix up with other friends, go see a movie with a friend, remove things that remind you of your ex, and so much more. These can help you heal faster.
Question 4: Does my ex feel the same?
No matter who initiated the breakup, both ex-partners feel how much they miss the other person for as long as it takes them, individually, to fully heal. Chances are your ex remembers you sometimes and misses you. Those crazy actions you put up, the fights you fought suddenly become points of interesting memories. They just wish things went differently but it’s too late now.
Question 5: Why does heartbreak hurt so much?
It hurts so much because when you love, you share a part of yourself with your partner. When your ex left, he or she left with that part of you. It’s like cutting a part of your flesh with a sharp knife, do you expect it to be painless? When you open up yourself to love deeply, you become more vulnerable. If the commitment resonates from both partners, all will be well but if for any reason, a breakup occurs, the pain can be enormous. However, don’t fret. It can be overcome.
Question 6(Bonus): How do I get over a breakup in less than a week?
Here are ways I was able to get over a breakup in less than a week;
Get a closure if you can: Getting a closure can be sometimes difficult but you can discuss with your ex-partner or imagine some reasons why they never wanted you in the first place. Then, you try to rule out your mind from getting them back or wishing you were still with them.
Remind yourself you deserve better: Remind yourself you deserve better because you actually do. Someone who truly loves you would not give up on you the way your ex did. No relationship is perfect and one that cannot survive your imperfections is not fit to survive any further.
Reflect on the qualities(physical or emotional) you desired in a partner: This is very helpful as it can make you take your mind off your ex easily. It’s true you loved them, but when you reflect on the qualities your ex had compared to what you really desired, you will realize he/she didn’t possess them all. Sometimes even, they may not even match-up to half of your desirable qualities but you compromised just to be with them. When you think this way, it takes your mind on a search for someone better suited for you. This truly works like charm.
Focus on work and career: Activity makes even the loneliest soul happy. Engaging in helpful activity related to work and career has enormous benefits as far as getting over a breakup is concerned. Work-related activities engage your mind and temporarily takes your mind off the emotions and feelings of a breakup.
Mingle with other friends, including opposite sex: This also creates a feeling of activity. Interactions with friends and other people, especially of the opposite sex help you to fill the void left by your ex when they left your life.
Remove romantic things that remind you of them: Romantic objects or items that remind you of them, like pictures, flowers, etc, should be removed from your immediate constant vicinity. Most people even advocate that social media contacts be blocked and deleted. However, unfriending or blocking your ex on social media may not be necessary.
The fact that it takes a while before you heal from a heartbreak could also have some benefits. Can we see some of the benefits in this last section?
Advantages of The Long Healing Time For Heartbreak
With a prolonged period of healing, it only means the pain will only last longer. Within this period when you have not emotionally moved on, it will be practically futile to go on date again too soon. However, could there be an advantage to this long waiting period before the next relationship? Let’s look at some advantages.
It gives you enough time to heal fully
It gives you time to learn
It gives you time to know better who deserves you
Now, we have talked about how long it takes to get over a breakup. We have also answered some important questions people may also ask about breakups and finally saw a few advantages of a long time it takes to heal from a typical breakup by most people.
I hope that you are satisfied with this post and I look forward to seeing your comments below.
I am a seasoned writer, not because I am some genius but thanks to many years of trials, failure, and near successes. I curate the most content on this website; all geared towards making you a better and happier audience.