I have seen the saying several times that if someone loves you, he will come back to you no matter what. This is largely true, but while that is so, there are many sides to it. In this post, I will explore all possible sides to the saying if a man loves you, he will come back to you even when he leaves.
But before we move on, what does it mean when we say “If they love you, they will come back to you”?
Saying “If he loves you, he will come back to you” is originally a way of saying you one does not need to worry so much if the person in question does not come back to you. It means he didn’t love you in the first place. This way, it consoles the person that was left to look elsewhere for someone who would love and cherish them all the days of their lives.
“If he loves you, he will come back to you” has also acquired another meaning asides its true intent given above. This new meaning tries to give careless people an opportunity to misbehave in their relationship and still expect the aggrieved party to return after everything. This is where it gets a bit complicated because in this case, it doesn’t always follow that if they love you, they would come back to you.
Reasons Your Ex Probably Left
People have their reasons for leaving your life, most of which are not related to whether they love you or not. Someone can love you (have affection) for you and still leave you. It is important to understand these reasons before assuming that they would come back after they left. Here are some of those reasons.
1. He didn’t like you anymore
We all know love is fleeting. That is why we emphasize that commitment is superior to love. The feelings can disappear at any time and for any reason, and it is possible that he is no longer interested in you.
The implication of this, as it concerns whether he would come back to you or not, is that he might not come back to you because he does not love you anymore, or he never did.
2. You intentionally pushed him away
When you say a man who leaves will come back if he loves you, this is an exception to it. When a guy loves you and you keep pushing him away, a time will come when he would no longer be interested in attempting to be with you. Everyone gets tired of trying over and over again.
After several rejections, a guy would find it hard to initiate another opportunity to get together again because he fears you might turn him down yet again. He might still be very much attracted to you but there is no guarantee that he would come back after the last time he left.
3. He found someone else
Maybe his ex came back or he just found someone better. This usually happens if he has not fully invested his attention in you yet. He might still be contemplating whether or not he wants to be with you or not. In the end, if he finds someone else he is more convinced about, he might leave you for that person.
When a guy leaves this way, the chances that he would come are 50-50. If the new person he is going out with disappoints him, he might come back to you. But at that time, it might be too late for you to accept him back because you might feel betrayed or scared that he might repeat the same thing another time.
4. He wasn’t sure where the relationship was going
Another reason why a guy would leave you is if he is not sure about the direction of the relationship. Many guys enter casual relationships with the hopes that it could lead from casual friendship to something serious between the both of you. In this case, he might leave and break up abruptly if he finds someone else he is more ready to commit.
On the matter of if he would come back or not, this is similar to the previous point about finding someone else. He might come back if the new person he meets disappoints him. What happens next depends entirely on your decision; whether or not to accept him back.
5. You trampled on his ego unintentionally
Men are egotistically very fragile. If you consistently hurt their ego through any means, they might soon avoid you completely, and you might never get a chance to get him back. You could have hurt his ego by not giving him enough respect, not allowing him to display manliness around you, and so on. The only reason why he is leaving is not because he does not love, you but because you do not satisfy his inner desire to be your man.
6. You didn’t reciprocate the love and affection
If a man leaves you because you didn’t love him the same way he loved you, the chances that he would come back are very slim. He left because he wanted to find someone who appreciates him as much as he appreciates them, or that he has already found that person. It’s becoming clearer that it is not always true that if a guy loves you, he will definitely come back.
7. You were burdensome to him
A relationship gets burdensome when only one person has to do all the work to keep it together. If he was always the one taking care of your needs, but you were not doing anything significant for him, that is enough reason for him to leave even if he loves you. Luckily, the prognosis of him returning after leaving you is good, especially if you are able to prove to him that you are willing to contribute to the relationship as well.
8. You didn’t accept his personality
Loving someone also comes from the standpoint of accepting who they are without making too much effort to change them. When you try so hard to change someone’s personality, you make it so difficult to be comfortable around you, and once that is lost, they have no other option than to leave to where they would find solace.
If you could identify that he probably left because you were too judgmental about his personality, then you can rest assured that the only way to get him back is to find some ways to let him know that you love him just the way he is. Otherwise, you might wait for eternity and he still won’t come back to you even if he once loved you.
9. He doubted your compatibility with each other
Why would he leave you if he loves you? He might have feelings for you initially but after this stage, issues of compatibility take the stage. It is after infatuation has quelled down that you begin to understand how compatible you are with each other.
As opposed to what most people might think, compatibility is not just about physical and emotional attractions. It is also about your personal views, interests, religious and spiritual ideologies, and so on. When you don’t have much of these in common with your partner, or when both of you are not willing to compromise anything for the other, things easily go awry and your partner might leave never to return again.
Signs that he will come back to you
It is easy to know a man who has moved on forever. He stops being interested in you and everything that concerns you. He stops contacting you and does not make any effort to get you back.
On the contrary, here are some signs that he still has you in his heart.
- He still contacts you after leaving you.
- He is interested in how you are doing.
- He might try to make you jealous to get your reaction.
- He is ready to help you when you need help.
- He wants to know if you have moved on with another person.
- He oftentimes apologizes for leaving even when he does not talk about coming back.
- He still gives you signals that he still loves you.
- He asks you if there is ever a chance you can come together again.
- He complains that he misses your company.
Here are some signs that he will come back to you after he has left. Maybe this is when we can say that when someone loves you, they will always find their way back to you. However, beyond just the fact that he loves you, it could mean that he realized his mistakes or misunderstanding about you and that he wants to make amends. If you still love him, this is an opportunity to give him a chance back into your life.
How to make him come back to you after he left
According to the words of Noelle Nelson, an American psychologist, and author, “Since your relationship didn’t work out the first time, something has to change to make it work the second time around. Otherwise, the same conflicts that caused so much trouble will re-emerge. Each partner has to understand and be willing to work on whatever caused the breakup in the first place.”
To make your partner come back to you after he left, you must first identify what caused it in the first place. Look at some of the possible causes discussed above and find out if anyone applies to your case. Sometimes, it is a lost cause to make a guy come back to you after he left. This is because what caused the separation in the first place is beyond remedy. And as Noelle insisted, until the underlying cause is addressed, there will be no moving forward.
Don’t test love by saying “he would come back”
Many people get it wrong by deliberately pushing away their partner with the assumption that they can use that to test if he truly loves them or not. It almost always ends miserably because he leaves never to return. As explained in one of the points above, no matter how much someone loves you, you can make them leave you without ever thinking about coming back to you.
Instead of pushing your partner away as a way of testing their love for you, focus on building and igniting their love for you through the love you show them. This is especially because if you don’t show them enough love as they give you, someone else out there will have just exactly what they need.
