There is great concern about why men cheat. It is not as though women don't cheat too but for some reasons, women have labelled men as the black sheep as far as cheating is concerned in a relationship.
In my years of research and experience, one remarkable distinction between women and men I have found out is that as far as emotions are concerned, both men and women are emotional. Generally, society tends to believe that women are more emotional than men. This is true, but another thing you must understand is that men are also emotional in things that touch them. It's weird but the truth is, what may make a man emotional may not be the same things that make a lady emotional. But then, he is taught by society to be strong and be able to bottle up anything that begins or ends with the term "emotional".
The above paragraph will become relevant in the course of the text.
I really don't want you to lure me into the path of seeking to answer the question, why do men cheat more than women, because we cannot fully establish with sufficient evidence that men cheat more than women, at least not in the context of this post. Society condemns it more when a lady cheats than when a man does the same, in such a way as to suggest that men are allowed to go outside a relationship or marriage and ladies have had to put up with that. But what is the psychology behind why it seems as if men are naturally more inclined to cheat or go outside the union for more?
I hope that I will be able to exhaust this topic the best way I can.
Natural Inclinations to Why Men Cheat
Note, in the post, I am not attempting to posit that men cheat more than women or seeking to state reasons why that is so. But I am trying to lay down some explanations as to why men behave the way they do in a relationship or marriage, with a view of proffering solutions to men who may want to follow a different lifestyle than the conventional, generally accepted view of men.
This should also help ladies avoid things that may make their man cheat as much as possible. This does not mean that men should just turn outside at the slightest opportunity to do so.
Here we go:
- Sudden freedom to a place of authority
- Men are lovers of variety
- Men are very emotional
- Men are very covetous
- It makes them feel powerful
- To get revenge
Sudden Freedom to a Place of Authority
You know how ladies are told that guys are dangerous including that very little boy of seven? It's a social stigma that older women and protective men inculcate into their daughters or younger siblings. Then as he grows older, he would then begin to run after any beautiful lady he could cast his sight on. But when he keeps getting the negative response from them all, he begins to get the belief that something is probably wrong with him.
He keeps the chase in a bid to find the one single lady who will be foolish enough to accept him in his imaginary overwhelming foolishness. But to his amazement, after the first say yes to him, another long queue of interesting prospects begin to form. At that point, he gets the sudden freedom from a place of less worth when he realizes that he commands some more respect and admiration than he'd ever thought.
This can explain why men cheat as they would want to explore all the available options since tasting what true freedom of choice is after a long time.
Men are Lovers of Variety
Variety is the spice of life, but this is much more especially true for men. They love 'variety' and this singular fact is what drives them to go after as many different women as they can. This is obvious psychology behind why men cheat and it is noteworthy that the concept of beauty appeals more to men than any other creature that the creator made. They see beautiful things like flowers, try to characterize its scent, sip out the nectar and then move to the next one.
Women have adapted to this over the years by developing ways to change their looks and appearances every time in strange ways that confuse men and put them in a state of awe.
Husbands who stick to their wife singly without cheating have either learnt to stay committed to their wife irrespective of any factors, or are satisfied with the variety that wife gives them, or both.
This understanding should enable women to adopt more ways to give their husbands the needed variety, and the men should also learn to reciprocate, after all, what is good got the goose is also good for the gander.
Men are Very Emotional
This may look off as a reason or psychology behind why men cheat and you may be asking "what has emotions got to do with this?"
Doesn't it also sound off when I mention that men are very emotional? They are humans too and get emotional as much as everyone else, but they are well-adapted to conceal their emotions and prevent them from intermeddling with their own private and public affairs.
But what if I say men are even more emotional than women? Well, I wouldn't delve into that for now as that will require a great deal of more research. But for now, one thing worth knowing is that men can go really disorganized and devastated too when they get mistreated by a woman they love. This can grossly affect their activity and productivity and that's the last thing any man wants.
At such times, they would seek to find comfort through other means like alcohol and mood-enhancing hard drugs. And quite more, unfortunately, having to cheat becomes one sure way of turning out the emotions they previously received.
Mature men have learnt to diffuse most wrongs that their woman commits as much as possible. But there are some offences that hit them harder than usual and these include those that have to do with their ego and pride as a man, father and husband. I hope to make a list of these some time but not right here in this post.
Men are Very Covetous
Just like I discussed on men being lovers of variety, men are also very covetous. They want to have it all at the same time. If it were possible for men to have all the beautiful women that appeal to their eyes to themselves, they would do it. But we all know that has it's own consequences, don't we?
Men cheat because they are just too covetous to walk away from any woman that looks appealing to their eyes. In this case, there is nothing more to be done than for him to learn to exercise self-control. After all, everyone has desires irrespective of gender but we would all become untamed beasts if we give attention to all our desires.
It Makes Them Feel Powerful
You may ask how?. It's unbelievable but yes, men derive some sense of strength from being able to control many different women. Women are priceless, and being able to have your way with many of them indirectly translates that you are powerful. It also means that you have what it takes to get them, including money, and such other things as they love.
Most of these psychologies are erroneous when a man lives his life based on them. But some of them could give more insight to women about how they can better understand their man and husband for a longer-lasting and peaceful union.
To Get Revenge
This really sounds absurd. Why would anyone want to get revenge by cheating on their partner? Statistically, this is a very common reason why most men go out on their wife.
One very important question most men ask their wife during the dating period is if she is still a virgin. Somehow, the virginity of women is held at high esteem while men are allowed to through away theirs like a piece of cheese.
Different conditions hold as far as getting revenge is concerned and I will state two or three here.
First, if a woman falsely tells his man that she is still a virgin and he later found out otherwise after marriage/wedding, the consequences to the union can be devastating. This is irrespective of the fact the man may or may not be a virgin himself.
Secondly, if the man was a virgin before meeting his wife who openly told him that she was not a virgin, there have been reports of some of such men going outside wedlock. For some reasons, some of which I have already stated above, such virgin men later realise that they could get more outside, after all, their wife got some juice from outside already before they got married.
The third but not the least condition occurs when the man knows beforehand that his wife is not a virgin anymore, he too is not a virgin too but they go-ahead to get married. But another part of the truth is that the woman had a child from her promiscuous past. There have been records of some men who use that as permission to take revenge.
Now you realise that the revenge the man is taking is not actually based on some real wrongs but simply used as an excuse to let wild his already pre-conceived decision to cheat and engage in promiscuity.
Now that we have seen why it is not a great thing to cheat, let us go ahead to look at come practical consequences of cheating in men.
Practical Consequences of Cheating in Men
- He loses interests in his wife
- Marriage union can become compromised
- Contracts STDs and transfer to his wife
- Lack of attention for his family
- Misallocation of resources and poverty