Why Do Men Cheat? The Honest Truth Behind Infidelity

Have you ever wondered why men cheat, and sometimes even cheat on the woman they love? It starts to look like cheating is an obsession that is more than what they can control. But is that really the case? Why do men really cheat?

According to published aggregates of infidelity statistics by General Social Studies (GSS) from 2010 to 2016, 20% of men and 13% of women have admitted to cheating on their spouse while married. Between the ages of 18 and 29, women slightly (11%) cheat more than men (10%). These rates increase during the Middle Ages for both men and women, with women achieving their highest rate (16%) in their 60s, and men attaining the highest rate (26%) in their 70s.^[1]Couples Academy. (n.d.). Infidelity statistics. Couples Academy. Retrieved September 10, 2025, from https://couplesacademy.org/infidelity-statistics/

While both men and women cheat in a marital relationship, popular culture views men as the ‘usual cheaters’ because there are more psychological reasons why men cheat than women. For women, it is mainly related to a lack of intimacy, emotional connection, or just an uncontrollable desire to experience intimacy with someone else^[2]PlanPhilly staff. (2009, October 8). A Woman’s View: Why women cheat. WHYY. Retrieved September 10, 2025, from https://whyy.org/articles/a-womans-view-why-women-cheat/, while for men, the reasons are far too diverse: sexual desire, self-esteem issues, feelings of neglect, insecurity, emotional immaturity, narcissism, and an underlying desire to boost their ego.

Now, we clearly see why understanding the deeper reasons why men cheat can be really impactful in any relationship or marriage.

Brief Definition of Cheating

While cheating may be defined differently by different people, Glass, a frequently cited authority on this matter, defines it as (paraphrased) any affair that makes one party have the subjective sense of having been betrayed, which may vary from person to person or over time. Glass further added that extramarital sex does not require sex, per se, and may include various forms of betrayal that do not even require physical touch or meeting face to face.^[3]Glass, S. (2003). Not “just friends”: Rebuilding trust and recovering your sanity after infidelity. Simon & Schuster.^[4]Zapien, N. M. (2017). Decision science, risk perception, and infidelity. SAGE Open, 7(1), 1–9. https://doi.org/10.1177/2158244016686810

Reasons Why Men Cheat (Backed By Statistics)

If you are still curious about why a man would cheat on his wife or girlfriend, whom he claims to love, let’s see some of these reasons here, based on the statistics.

1. Relationship Unsatisfaction

According to a 2024 study, approximately 30% of men cheated on their wives because they were unhappy in the marriage. This made relationship dissatisfaction the most common reason why men and women (64%) cheated on their spouse.^[5]Murphy, M., Phillips, C. A., & Blake, K. R. (2024). Why women cheat: Testing evolutionary hypotheses for female infidelity in a multinational sample. Evolution and Human Behavior, 45(5), 106595. … Continue reading

A man may gradually begin to fall out of love with his wife when he does not feel respected, needed, or appreciated. This psychological need of a man to be ‘needed’ is what James Bauer described as the Hero Instincts. While I am not justifying looking outside the relationship for satisfaction, this is one important reason why men cheat on their partners.

2. Desire for Variety (Sexual Unsatisfaction)

From the earlier study, sexual desire (≈13%) and a ‘seemingly’ more attractive affair partner (≈15%) are the next most common reasons why men cheat in a marital relationship. This is the component of infidelity where a man’s self-control is being tested.

The strong desire for sexual variety among men is the reason many people have argued that men are polygamous in nature. While I won’t mention whether this sexual desire is similarly strong in women or not, a lot of men have reported finding the mistress more attractive than their wives, as discussed by Ismael Gomex in this video.

3. Emotional Neglect

According to The Happy Wife School, a wife’s emotional neglect is a surefire path to infidelity in men, stating that emotional neglect can make him weak and vulnerable to choices that go against his decision to stay committed to you.

Generally, emotional neglect in marriage occurs when one partner continuously fails to notice, attend to, and respond to their partner’s emotional needs. And while many women might think men do not have emotional needs, they do. And for men, these include supportiveness, the feeling of being respected and appreciated, invalidation of their feelings, and not paying attention to their concerns.

Eventually, he finds a woman who pays attention to his deeper needs, validates his feelings, and supports him through the challenges, and this places him in a vulnerable position.

4. Stress, Boredom, or Loneliness

Stress, boredom, and loneliness are also important reasons why men cheat on their partners. This is particularly seen in cases of romantic void from demanding work schedules.

According to the study, stress and loneliness each make up about 5% and 5.8% of the reasons why men cheat, respectively. A man who spends long hours at work and very little time at home with his wife is more vulnerable to having an affair with a coworker or someone within reach during those times of stress, boredom, or loneliness.

5. Revenge

According to a study published on illicitEncounters.com, women are more likely (37%) to cheat because of revenge, but revenge cheating also makes up 31% of cheating in men. Revenge cheating, also known as retaliation cheating, occurs when one partner has been unfaithful and the other decides to respond by cheating too.^[6]Naftulin, J. (2018, December 19). A third of people cheat as a form of revenge, and the majority are women. Business Insider Africa. Retrieved September 11, 2025, from … Continue reading^[7]Hollister, K. (2025, July 1). What Is Revenge Cheating? 7 Things to Know. Marriage.com. Retrieved September 11, 2025, from https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/what-is-revenge-cheating/

Revenge cheating is often driven by intense emotions to hurt the original cheater rather than just for the pleasure of it. Sometimes, it may be a way to “enjoy oneself too” since the other person has been enjoying outside the marriage too. While it may occur immediately, the grudge can manifest months or years later.

6. Self-Esteem

Studies have indicated that there is a strong reason to believe that some men cheat to boost their self-esteem. One such study by Eaves and Robertson-Smith (2007) found that men with low self-esteem are more likely to engage in extramarital affairs than men with high levels of self-esteem.^[8]Eaves, Susan & Robertson-Smith, Misty. (2007). The Relationship Between Self-Worth and Marital Infidelity: A Pilot Study. The Family Journal. 15. 382-386. 10.1177/1066480707305468.

According to the American Sociological Association (ASA), 15% of men who are financially dependent on their spouses will cheat, and are least likely to cheat if they earn at least 70% of the household income.^[9]Couples Academy. (n.d.). Infidelity statistics. Couples Academy. Retrieved September 12, 2025, from https://couplesacademy.org/infidelity-statistics/

These further buttress that cheating may offer a feeling of validation by fulfilling a man’s psychological needs, like being admired and desired, and an inner boost in self-worth. However, this only gives the man a temporary feeling of satisfaction that is often followed by regret and an attempt to suppress the guilt, as well as other problems, when the wife eventually finds out about his affairs.

7. Opportunity and Lack of Impulse Control

The fact that men may have a feeling of regret after cheating on their partner is evidence that impulse control is an important issue when people make personal decisions that involve uncertainty and risk. Those who begin affairs are often largely unaware that they are deciding to have an affair even as the act unfolds, and build contexts that make the affair possible. In other words, one decision leads to another.^[10]Zapien, N. M. (2017). Decision science, risk perception, and infidelity. SAGE Open, 7(1), 1–9. https://doi.org/10.1177/2158244016686810

Some men cheat because the chance presents itself, and they lack the impulse control or internal boundaries to say no. While this is not justifiable, a man who does not actively avoid stimuli that increase his sexual impulse may more easily cheat than one who resists and walks away from sexual cues in his surroundings.^[11]The University of Texas at Austin. (2013, September 18). Stronger sexual impulses, not weaker self‑control, may explain why men cheat more than women, study reveals. UT Austin News. Retrieved … Continue reading

8. Peer Influence and Social Norms

While not enough studies have demonstrated the impact of peer influence and social norms on male infidelity, it is a common belief that “You join them if you cannot beat them”. This describes that it is often more beneficial to conform to beliefs and ideologies if you are unable to challenge the situation.

Men who want to conform to other men’s idea of masculinity, and the need to prove theirs, may cheat from the need to fit. Those “locker room talks” or “table discussions” where infidelity is encouraged can make a man cheat to prove his belonging.

Other Factors Affecting Cheating in Men

• Identity crisis: Mid-life identity crisis can affect men’s propensity to cheat in how it affects their self-esteem and desire for self-validation. Some reports have also shown that ages ending with 9, like 29, 39, etc, are high-risk zones for cheating in men.
• Mental illness: Mental illnesses like depression or bipolar disorder, and impulse control disorder, may predispose men to cheat.
• Marital conflicts – anger from a marital dispute can reduce a man’s self-control against sexual impulses from the outside.
• Internet addiction and pornography.
• Lack of ability to communicate one’s sexual needs and challenges.
• Sexual deprivation from the spouse.
• Substance and alcohol addiction.
• Cheating behavior in a parent: A man whose father cheated may see this as a normal behavior and might not want to do anything about controlling sexual impulses.
• History of cheating: While it is possible to quit cheating after cheating once, a man who has cheated before has a higher propensity to do it again, and sometimes with the same persons.
• Personality disorders: Personality disorders, like narcissistic traits, may increase a man’s chance of infidelity. Narcissuses are often driven by the desire to assert themselves and undermine the feelings of others. This inflated sense of self-importance and lack of empathy can predispose a narcissistic man to cheating without considering its impact on his wife.

Warning Signs That a Man Will Cheat

Maybe if you saw the warning signs, you could better prepare for or avoid getting involved with a cheating partner. Here are some warnings that a man you are getting involved with may cheat.

1. Narcissistic traits
2. Poor communication
3. Alcohol or substance addiction
4. History of cheating
5. Low self-esteem
6. Friends with cheaters

While these do not directly predict cheating behavior in a man, they may be suggestive, particularly if a man displays signs that he does not care what you think or feel.

How to Deal With a Man Who Cheated

The decisions after a man cheats can be quite complex, but here are some ways to get some relief from the hurt and take the right steps going forward.

1. Process your emotions

Processing your emotions involves identifying the underlying reasons why it happened. Even though it’s not so easy, you want to keep your control without flaring up too much. But it is also okay to express your hurt and disappointment to your partner, if you have to.

2. Identify the reasons

As you feel more in control of your emotions, you need to look at the reason why he cheated. Look at some of the reasons above and identify the reason(s) he may have cheated and how you can help or prevent it next time.

While some reasons may be related to you, understand that it is always going to be the fault of your cheating husband, because if he were open enough, he could have discussed the challenges with you earlier on.

3. Have a discussion

You may like to give him a chance to have a calm discussion with him. This can give you a clearer sense of what lies ahead and how you can control the situation even better.

4. Seek a marriage therapist

If handling the issue by yourself and your partner does not help, consider seeking a marriage therapist who would provide helpful solutions in an unbiased and non-judgmental way as much as possible. A marriage therapist will also help you find the direction of the relationship going forward.

How to Avoid Cheating as a Man

After understanding the reasons why men cheat, it is only logical to adopt ways that help you avoid those reasons in your marriage. Here are some key ways to avoid cheating as a man.

1. Marry right

Marry someone you are attracted to, not someone who just feels like being available for marriage. Many men are influenced by unimportant reasons to marry someone, including pity, desperation, societal expectations, etc. And then, down the line, they no longer enjoy sex with their partner as much as they want.

2. Prioritize good communication

Always make it a habit to engage in a discussion with your partner, especially when it involves an irresistible urge to have an affair. If your partner is understanding enough, she should be able to help you navigate ways to overcome the temptation and maintain your fidelity.

3. Anchor your beliefs

If you have any firm beliefs against infidelity, look for something to anchor your beliefs on. This is important because of the fickle nature of decision-making regarding sex. If you don’t strengthen your beliefs, it can affect your decision regarding extramarital affairs when the opportunity arises.

Consider reasons like religious opposition, relationship dissatisfaction after you start cheating, divorce and separation, financial problems from cheating, risk of contracting sexually-transmitted infections, etc.

4. Practice self-control

Self-control is about accepting that you don’t have to get all you want. Cheating will not provide a permanent satisfaction to your emotional needs. In short, it will worsen the situation for you. So, rather than focus on getting sexual satisfaction outside, look at ways to meet your needs in your relationship with your partner.

5. Avoid alcohol and drugs

Alcohol and drugs may further reduce your sexual inhibition, which means your sexual control is lower than optimal

Having discussed that alcohol and drugs can depress one’s inhibition, it is logical that avoiding these substances can help you prevent cheating on your partner. Avoiding alcohol and related substances can keep you aware of your decisions regarding cheating on your partner in your relationship or marriage.

Final words

Men cheat for several reasons, and a lot of them have to do with the psychological needs of a man to be appreciated and needed. While the above reasons why men cheat do not justify such actions, they are important to know.

I hope you found this article insightful. I’d love to hear what you think, too, in the comments section below.