10 Conflict Resolution Skills to Strengthen Any Relationship

If we are honest with ourselves, we can agree that conflicts are a normal part of life and relationships. However, more often than not, it’s not the conflict itself that causes damage, but rather how we respond to it. Whether at home, work, or within the community, developing conflict resolution skills can be the difference between breakdown and breakthrough in relationships.

In many instances, conflict resolution has made people live happier and more harmoniously with each other after a conflict. Jean Segal, PhD. et al. on HealthGuide.org, supported this claim, adding that conflicts can be an opportunity for growth and progress when handled properly.

While some people try to avoid conflicts completely, it is usually more beneficial to accept that conflicts can arise at any point, but that investing in conflict resolution skills holds the key to building stronger bonds and connections out of the ashes of every conflict.

In this post, we explore everything you need to know about conflict resolution and the skills you need to develop to handle conflicts more effectively.

Essential Facts About Conflicts

The Conflict Sensitivity Consortium defines conflict as the “result of a disagreement between actors on the basis of perceived incompatible goals”.^[1]Conflicts Analysis: Definitions and concepts – GSDRC This simple definition of conflict encompasses the most important components of the idea: disagreement, perceived incompatible goals, desires, or thoughts, and the result of these.

Irrespective of where a conflict is experienced, it results from an expression of people’s inherent differences in thoughts, desires, and methods of doing things. Whether at home, work, school, or in the community, this signifies a healthy relationship with free expression because, without the freedom to express oneself, it is only a matter of time before people get uninterested in the relationship.

While incompatibilities in thoughts can potentially lead to a conflict, the eventual outcome or result depends on the actors involved, including the knowledge of conflict resolution skills of the third party, if any such individual is involved. This is such that when mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship with a potential for violence and physical aggression, but when handled respectfully and positively, conflict provides an opportunity to consolidate the bond shared between people.

Thus, individuals should prioritize acquiring conflict resolution skills rather than expecting perfect compatibility devoid of any disagreements, because differences are what make us humans. It is practically impossible to find people without differing ideologies and opinions. What is more important is how we handle conflicts as individuals in our societies.

The Harsh Reality of Conflict Resolution

In my experiences, I have keenly studied the area of conflict resolution and why conflicts escalate to such magnitudes as we see today. More importantly, I have seen that conflicting individuals will always find someone who can ‘settle’ the conflict they are currently experiencing. These individuals do not expect to be victimized but want the conflict to be resolved in a way that neither party feels oppressed.

While there is a mutual interest in finding someone who can mediate between them and find a lasting solution to the conflict, many third-party conflict resolution inputs rather cause more severe outcomes than the conflict itself.

While one may excuse oneself that conflict resolution is not for everybody, we all would eventually be in a position where we are the closest persons to “settle” the warring parties. In addition, these conflict resolution skills can also help you de-escalate your own conflicts without a need for a third party when you encounter conflicts in your relationship(s).

The above makes it imperative that individuals begin to develop their conflict resolution as an important life skill everyone needs to have.

Stages of Conflict Escalation

We won’t effectively talk about conflict resolution and conflict resolution skills without first understanding how conflict progresses naturally from latent disagreements to a strong desire to annihilate the supposed “enemy”. It is always better to adopt a nip-in-the-bud approach, addressing issues as early as possible before they escalate to advanced stages.

Of these several studies on stages of conflict, I am particularly fascinated by Friedrich Glasl’s model of conflict escalation because it analyses the internal logic of conflict relationships and how conflicts progressively intensify through predictable psychological and behavioral stages. In other words, it examines people’s behavioral and psychological responses at every stage of a conflict.^[2]Glasl, Friedrich. Conflict Escalation Model. University of Houston Law Center. October 2000.

In Friedrich’s model, there are 9 stages of conflict escalation. These are:

1. Hardening
2. Debates and Polemics
3. Actions, not Words
4. Images and Coalitions
5. Loss of Face
6. Strategies of Threats
7. Limited Destructive Blows
8. Fragmentation of the Enemy
9. Together into the Abyss

For the full descriptions of these stages, refer to this PDF here, but according to this model, conflict escalates from mild psychological feelings and responses to a situation where the conflicting individuals see themselves as enemies and are ready to die fighting.

Goals of Conflict Resolution

In the next section, we will then talk about the conflict resolution skills every individual needs to acquire. But just before that, what are the goals of conflict resolution? Understanding these goals will help you get a clearer idea of what conflict resolution skills are about and how you can develop them.

The primary goal of conflict resolution is to reconcile the disagreeing parties. While you might not necessarily have to change the differing views and opinions that are causing the conflict, you want to try to find a common point for the partners involved in the conflict, thus preventing its escalation to more advanced stages.

But conflict resolution can be applied at any point in the conflict, from the earliest to the most advanced stages. However, the more advanced the stage of conflict is, the more difficult it becomes to administer conflict resolution into the conflict. In addition, significant, sometimes irreversible damages may have already occurred by the later stages.

Thus, the ultimate goal of conflict resolution is preventing conflict escalation as early as possible and applying measures that effectively resolve conflicts between conflicting parties at any stage of a conflict.

Conflict Resolution Skills You Must Have

I share this information on conflict resolution skills from a place of personal experience/practice, and research on working methods of conflict resolution. In my career as a medical doctor and community leader (led several small groups of individuals), I found these universal skills that equip any individual to resolve conflicts between people at every scale, level, or stage.

1. Effective listening

Effective listening is one of the most fundamental communication skills for resolving conflicts at home, work, and in the community. Listening in conflict resolution entails hearing both sides of the story without judgment or bias. This makes both partners confident that you are not going to make judgments that are skewed to one side of the conflict.

One characteristic of a well-resolved conflict is the validation of the different opinions or views in the conflict. You have to show the conflicting parties that their opinions are valid, and it is okay to have differing views at certain times. Having this understanding can help you find a common ground for the conflicting parties to restore peace and harmony in the relationship.

In my experience, I have noticed that showing conflicting parties that you are ready to hear them out and understand their views can be significant in the resolution of the conflict. When you listen to them, you realize that they are both right in their respective regards, but only need to find a common point.

2. Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is your ability to understand and manage your emotions and recognize the emotions of others. A high emotional intelligence helps you keep your emotions in check even when under pressure from the unyielding conflicting parties. It also allows you to acknowledge other people’s emotions and respond most appropriately.

Emotional intelligence helps you know that human beings are emotional beings. One’s actions can elicit a certain reaction in another person; thus, during conflict resolution, you need to come to terms with what actions led to what reactions.

Being able to understand from both sides of the story what triggers the emotions makes them feel accepted as human beings with emotions. Also, by staying calm and emotionally aware, you can manage any emotional responses that may occur during the dialogue.

3. Empathy

As demonstrated by the earlier conflict resolution skills, one of the central tenets of conflict resolution is giving acceptance to the parties involved in the conflict. The desire to assert themselves and prove that their views are valid is the underlying reason why many conflicts occur in the first place.

Empathy is one’s ability to try to experience what someone else is experiencing. It is a combination of effective listening and an appropriate response to people’s feelings (emotional intelligence). Rather than dismiss someone’s feelings, empathize with them. Once you make people feel that you understand them, the conflict is more than halfway resolved.

4. Fairness and neutrality

I have seen many conflict resolution attempts suddenly escalate the conflict to overt violence or aggression as a result of a lack of fairness/neutrality from the mediator. No matter where your allegiance lies, you must not take sides as a conflict mediator. Rather, demonstrate fairness and neutrality throughout the process.

In fairness, pick out the aspects where both parties did right and wrong without showing any bias towards one side. Then, demonstrate how they could have found the common point and prevented this conflict. Furthermore, you need to let them know that they can put everything aside and move forward in peace and harmony.

Most of the time, this works for me when I am resolving conflicts in the different places where I administer leadership. You must be fair, not just in your mind, but must be seen showing that you are fair and neutral throughout the conflict resolution process.

5. Understanding and acceptance

You must genuinely try to make the partners feel that you understand and accept their views, actions, and opinions in the conflict. Avoid trying to outrightly condemn how they have responded to the situation before your mediation started.

In the cases I have been involved in, I use statements like “If it were me, I would do the same”, or “You even tried, maybe someone else would have done worse”. These statements may look insignificant, but when said to both partners in a conflict, they can mean a lot. It shows that you accept their personality and emotions, which is an important foundation for effective conflict resolution.

6. Patience and calmness

When resolving a conflict, you need to be patient. Avoid trying to force the parties into listening to your conclusions, even if you think that’s what would be best for them. You need to understand that it might take them time to assimilate and quell their emotions first.

You also need to stay calm throughout the conversation, even when the parties refuse to calm down. When you put yourself into the fight, they see you as another side in the conflict. But when you stay calm, you are revered as the person they look up to for a peaceful resolution.

7. Conciliation

Conciliation is the ability to bring two opposing parties to a mutual understanding, often by identifying and articulating shared interests or goals. Conciliation captures the essence of recognizing and presenting the common point in a conflict.

In every conflict, there is a common point. This is because both sides of every human argument exist as a spectrum with a range of possibilities in between. The ability to quickly find the common point after listening to both sides of the story is an important conflict resolution skill one must master.

More practically put, understand both parties and what they want, and try to find where both desires can meet. Conflict resolution is about establishing give-and-take rather than telling one party that they are wrong and the other right. Most of the time, conflicting partners have done things that make them both right and wrong depending on the context.

8. Assertive communication

Assertive communication is about expressing one’s opinions in a respectful way with reasons why they should listen, rather than coercing them to do so. This is an important conflict resolution skill because it helps the conflicting parties see reasons with you without being forced to do so.

The essential elements of assertive communication include clarity and conciseness, use of “I” statements, validation of other people’s opinions, and a solution-oriented approach. Examples of assertive communication include:

• I think you should consider this because…” (Proposes a reason/solution)
• I may not be entirely right, but can you consider doing this instead? (Validates other people’s opinions)

9. De-escalation techniques

Many people fear mediating conflicts because of the possibility of getting harmed in the process. Conflicts can escalate quickly if de-escalation techniques are not properly applied, which is why you need these de-escalation techniques.

De-escalation techniques include using calm and neutral language, using “I” statements, taking breaks when things get heated, and actively redirecting focus towards shared goals rather than allowing the conversation to progress in divergent lines.

One of the important ways to de-escalate a conflict is by separating conflicting parties until the tension is reduced. Effective de-escalation can stop a minor disagreement from turning into a major blowout.

10. Humor

Though not much emphasized, humor is another important skill you can adopt in conflict resolution. You can avoid many confrontations and resolve arguments by communicating humorously. Only try not to make it look like you are mocking one or both parties.

There are many ways you can infuse humor into your conflict resolutions, whether in your own conflicts or those of other people. Use words that lighten the mood, and acting in a calm way can set the stage for effective conflict resolution.

Some Common Mistakes in Conflict Resolution

Here are some common mistakes people make when trying to resolve conflicts. These errors often sabotage the conflict resolution process and further escalate tensions between the conflicting partners.

1. Interrupting or talking over others during discussions.
2. Failing to listen actively to each party’s full perspective.
3. Jumping to conclusions or taking sides too early.
4. Letting personal emotions override objectivity.
5. Being overly critical or judgmental in tone or language.
6. Trying to “win” the argument rather than resolve the issue.
7. Avoiding the conflict entirely or giving the “silent treatment.”
8. Using threats or ultimatums to coerce agreement.
9. Neglecting to follow up after a resolution has been proposed.
10. Assuming reconciliation has happened without confirming it.

Final words

No one is born with conflict resolution skills; they are learned and honed over time. Whether you’re dealing with personal disputes, workplace friction, or group tensions, these 10 skills will help you remain grounded, promote understanding, and facilitate peaceful resolutions.

I hope you found this post interesting. Thanks for reading.