You may have heard a lot about multiple dating and how it is the wrong thing to do, but this will probably be one of the most controversial ideas you’d hear today.
Commonly, ladies believe in dating multiple people at once until they are committed to one. This feels like the most logical thing to do but guys, on the other hand, generally speak against ladies dating multiple men while they are at freedom to date many women at once.
Why does that disparity exist? And why should single women date multiple men at the same time? These are some of the things we will see in this post.
What does dating multiple men mean?
For clarity, it is nice to define what we mean by “dating multiple men” or “dating more than one man”. It looks straightforward though but there is a caveat. Does “dating” mean “being in a relationship or being in the talking stage”?
As the title suggests, reasons why “single” women should date multiple men at once means that the ladies are not in any committed relationship.
Classically, dating refers to setting a date aside to see someone and talk about their romantic interests. It does not necessarily mean being in a full-blown relationship like most people would see it.
In this light, dating multiple men means that the lady is free to explore many options by giving them an equal chance for love and romance, with the hope that they eventually come out with one committed partner.
Reasons why ladies should date multiple people at the same time
Having multiple dates has the benefit of giving a lady the freedom to choose carefully and wisely instead of being stereotyped as sticking to only one from the beginning. The following are more benefits of a lady having multiple dates at once.
1. Gives you more options to choose from
Having more options to choose from ensures that you get the best qualities you have always wanted. Being fixed on only a guy from the beginning takes away your right to choose.
Sometimes, you don’t know exactly what you want until you see a lot of other similar things first. The more people you get to meet, the more you know what you really want in a man.
2. It makes you more equipped to make a sound decision
If you move on too quickly after a fallout with one partner, you might end up making terrible mistakes that would land you into another breakup until it forms a cycle. You want to be more relaxed to make a decision that would be best for yourself.
If you do not create the opportunity to like other guys, you may never be free enough to make a good decision on who to end up with.
Eventually, you will see other guys with great qualities you desire and this might begin to affect your loyalty and satisfaction. To avoid this, you need to consider as many options as you can to get a feel of what you truly want.
You may not get everything but at least you will be satisfied with what you get, and you won’t be chasing out any potential opportunity to meet a great guy you like.
3. Science shows it helps to balance your neurohormones
When you are in love, dopamine levels increase during the initial period. This is when you have those love-dovey feelings of butterflies in your belly. A few weeks to months later, the feelings quieten and you are left only with how strong your commitment is.
Dopamine is the hormone of love that makes us experience butterfly feelings. Having multiple dates to consider helps you diffuse your dopamine across all your top choices. Their share of your dopamine might not be equal at the beginning but this keeps you sane in your decision and reduces the influence of the love hormone on your final decision.
4. It makes you more valued and validates him more
Believe it or not, guys love to be validated. It is not the same if they were your only option, and if they had several others but you chose to be with them. This alone gives your dream guy a sense of validation and self-importance.
This is not about playing too hard to get. It is about actually being hard to get. By giving other guys an opportunity to get you, you might find someone who you truly love and who is committed to finding you.
Playing hard to get does not mean you should create unnecessary hurdles and conditions for the guys that are coming after you. It simply means you are making yourself more competitive by allowing more guys to have the chance.
5. It builds your social and flirting skills
Building your social skills can help you achieve results in certain aspects of life. And that also includes your ability to deal with both guys and ladies alike.
Having multiple dates helps you understand how guys reason and feel. This can improve your social and flirting skills for occasions where these will be highly needed.
Dating multiple people helps you develop your social skills and build confidence. In time, you find yourself being comfortable and flirting with some of the most attractive men.
This can boost your rating before other guys as they would consider you the queen bee. Any guy coming after you would acknowledge that you are worth the chase no matter how many ladies are chasing after him too.
6. You notice an insecure guy from the start
Insecurity and over-jealousy are topics that have recently surfaced on the tables of relationship discussions, dating, and marriage. We still talk about them to enlighten people to shed off insecurity.
Some guys feel very jealous at the slightest sight of their woman with another man, whether or not the other guy is making advances or not. This can put you off as a lady, as you find that he is constantly trying to spoil your chances to interact with other people.
Having multiple dates at a time makes the guys that are coming after you come to terms with it from the beginning. That way, you can easily filter off guys that are very insecure and overtly jealous.
7. It creates a level-playing field
To say that you are the only one a guy is seeing has to be one of the most erroneous assumptions ever. Most guys have other dates they are considering too, in case they don’t eventually like you enough.
Making a guy the only one you are considering when he is obviously considering others besides you is not only a wise thing to do but can potentially land you in serious hurt and pain. Being open enough to consider other options gives you an opportunity to find another option if one disappoints.
Another dating multiple guys as a lady creates a level-playing field for everyone is by giving equal, or not so equal chances to the potential guys that are coming at you.
Not all that glitters is gold. Time is the truest test of value. By being patient and welcoming to different guys, you are able to test which is gold and which is not. But mind you, it can be very overwhelming to date multiple people at once.
8. Saves you from a bad heartbreak
Don’t put your eggs in one basket, so that when it falls, they don’t all break. Having multiple dates is a way of spreading your affection in search of the one who will eventually get it all.
Aside from that, it can save you from a bad heartbreak if it doesn’t work out eventually. Putting all your heart into one person at a stage that is too early to determine their commitment to you is disastrous. Consider exploring other options until you find commitment.
Problems with dating multiple people at the same time
Obviously, we cannot talk about reasons a lady should consider dating multiple people at the same time without making mention of some problems associated with it. Here are some…
1. It is easy to give them false hopes
As a girl, you can attest to the fact that it is easy to mislead different guys into thinking you are settling for them without each of them knowing you have other guys you are doing the same to. This way, you can easily get a variety of gifts from them separately.
If your reason for dating is to receive immediate gifts and gratification, this move will be highly recommended. But if you are in to find someone who will love you forever, this is a very bad thing to do.
When you milk different guys who are interested in you because you want their gift or money, it can backfire and you’d become the bad person when they find out, which they will definitely do.
Intentionally hurting people who are romantically interested in you is not something you should be happy doing, except if you do not have a heart.
When they eventually find out you were playing double commitment with several guys for gifts and money, you will end up on their blacklist. This can ruin your chances of meeting a potential suitor you’d definitely like.
2. It is highly stressful
Keeping a relationship can be extremely stressful, not to mention thinking about several guys at once. Making yourself available to different people because you want to give them all a chance can be highly demanding.
Some guys would misinterpret your openness to acceptance. Some would begin to act entitled when you are not available for a conversation or a date. This can get on your nerves when they start acting out.
You also try to keep everyone abreast of the situation so they don’t misinterpret it. Trying to convince each of them that you are not in any committed relationship with another guy requires an amount of energy you don’t want to waste.
3. It can drive away potential suitors/partners
Many people believe that being with a guy means you are in a relationship with them. Having a date with a guy does not mean you are already in a relationship.
Other guys who could have approached you as well might begin to assume that you are already taken when in fact, you were just talking with the other guy the other day.
While these assumptions are not healthy and safe, they are a common reality in the world of dating, relationships, and marriage.
4. There is a lot of pressure to choose
Having several guys to choose from can be very confusing, considering that they might possess different qualities you like. But this is better than dating only one when you do not yet know the direction the relationship is heading towards.
There is oftentimes not much pressure when you find the guy you like. You will naturally connect and love will flow easily, especially during the beginning.
However, if at all the pressure is getting to you, remember that it is better to face it now so that you can be guaranteed to be with someone you will forever love to spend your life with.
5. More sexual temptations
Being on a romantic date with multiple men increases your chances of being sexually drawn to them. You might get attracted to their body and lust after them sexually.
Some of the guys might also make sexual advances at you in a way to keep you emotionally glued to them. Once he is able to create that sexual chemistry with you, you will fall in love with him and he will win you to himself.
It is important to detach yourself emotionally as much as you can. Don’t allow too much dopamine to cloud your judgment and decision of who to settle down with eventually.
Rules to observe when dating multiple people at once
Having multiple dates can put you in a very bad position if not done correctly. Observe these rules if you are dating multiple people at once to stay safe until you have found someone to fall in love with.
- Be honest if they ask you about other people in your life. Telling a guy that you have other potential guys approaching you will not make him back out if he truly likes you.
- Try not to enforce it on them that you have to be the only one they are seeing as well. Be open-minded and less judgmental.
- Avoid engaging in sex with your multiple dates to prevent things from getting more complicated.
- Once you find someone you want to commit to, let him know that you will stop seeing the others. But first, ensure that you are convinced before making a final decision.
- Lastly, make the others who are after you know that you are now in a serious relationship. Don’t try to play “double commitment” to keep them around you. That can be very dangerous.
Frequently asked questions about dating multiple people
Can a girl fall in love with multiple people at the same time?
It is possible to fall in love with several partners at the same time, but according to Jess O’Reilly (Ph.D.), this depends on the type of relationship that gives the individual satisfaction.
For most women, a monogamous relationship feels better and sweeter, while some others enjoy a polygamous or polyamorous relationship. It is quite easy for the latter to fall in love with multiple people at the same time.
Is dating multiple guys cheating?
Dating multiple guys is not dating if done rightly. As explained, it simply means you are allowing more guys into your emotional space to give them a chance at getting you.
It only gets sour and wrong if you are feigning a commitment to them to get something in return. If you claim to be in a relationship with one guy and you are still giving open chances to others, this can be considered cheating, as long as it is not an open relationship.
To prevent any feeling of missing out, ensure you are convinced about a guy before you agree to love them to the point of entering a relationship with them.
Is it wrong to date multiple people at once?
It is wrong to show commitment to multiple people at once when they all don’t obviously want a polyamorous relationship. You would be hurting them all in the end when they find out.
It can also earn you a bad name to date multiple people at once without setting clear boundaries for the relationships. If you are dating just as talking friends, let it remain so. Again, feigning commitment to each of them so they can all give you something in return is absolutely wrong.
Can a wife marry multiple men?
Polyandrous marriage allows a woman to marry more than one man but this practice is very rare worldwide. Only a few ethnicities still have it to date, including the Plateau of Tibet and Marquesas Island in the South Pacific[1]Polyandry marriage | Britannica.
Aside from that, the generally acceptable marriage practice worldwide is the marriage between one man and one woman, that is monogamy.
Final words
There are enough reasons for a lady to date multiple men at a time. There are also some problems associated with it. This post explored the pros and cons of dating multiple men as a lady and how to do it healthily to avoid problems.
Queries against multiple dating are numerous. It is important to state being honest and open-minded is key to finding someone you will eternally love and adore.
References
| ↑1 | Polyandry marriage | Britannica |
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