A breakup has been recognized as one of the hardest experiences in life and getting over a breakup has to be one of the most difficult things for anyone, even the strongest among us. If you are feeling down, depressed, or disappointed about life simply because you just had a breakup with your ex, don’t feel alone. It’s a normal feeling and you will go through it.
This was somebody you loved or at least gave your heart to love. That was vulnerability; you gave in to it but things did not work out as expected. Because of these, you are bound to experience pain after a breakup whether you like it or not.
Breakups are quite common in relationships. Most people would experience at least one breakup in their entire life. And even though this may be hard to accept, these experiences eventually shape us into emotional maturity. It then becomes important that whereas they should not be prayed for, effective ways to move on after a breakup should be established to help people move on into the next phase of their emotional development.
10 Tips On Moving on After a Breakup
Moving on after a breakup can be hard for most people, especially those who just experienced the very first breakup in their life. Below are some tips to help you move on after a breakup in case you are having a really hard time letting go.
1. Stop at your best in trying to get them back
It’s normal to want to try to get back together again, particularly when there were no serious issues between you in the first place. Also, your partner might not give you the desired closure, and by closure, I mean an acceptable reason why you cannot be together anymore.
One way to feel better is by making attempt to get them back or at least, making sure that you clearly hear from them that they are no longer interested in the relationship. As small as this might seem, actually hearing your soon-to-be ex say that they don’t feel motivated to continue the relationship can give you some energy to move on with your life as well.
If your partner is magnanimous enough to disclose that to you, fine. Maybe they are just avoiding every possible contact with you. If you have done your best to try to get back to them or hear from them to no avail, it might be the right time to cut the chase.
2. Give yourself a closure
Getting closure is the single most powerful way to move on after a breakup. It involves hearing from your partner why they cannot continue with the relationship. Your partner might give some really awkward reasons but anyways, they suffice to help you move on.
Getting closure starts with answering the important questions: “why did my partner leave me?”, “what really happened?”, “he used to love me, why does he not want me anymore?”, and so on. These questions may feel like the greatest solutions to moving on during your breakup but the answers are often not readily available.
In a case where your partner is not making it easy for you to get closure, either because they are not willing to discuss the breakup with you or just ghosting you, you will need to give yourself closure. And for the least, someone who is bold enough to leave you, after all, you have done for them definitely does not deserve you.
3. Get rid of things that remind you about them
A breakup is like a wound in the heart, and for it to heal fully well, you would need to reduce or totally remove all known triggers. Anything that constantly reminds you about your soon-ex should be avoided as much as possible, well until you have healed well enough to take them.
You might want to put away some love gifts they bought you or you received from them while you were still together. You might also want to take off pictures with them or keep them away from your viewing. Bottom line is, that anything that reminds you of your ex while healing from a breakup is a trigger that can make the process considerably harder and longer.
4. Make out with old friends; make new ones too
The basic principle of moving on from a relationship you had with someone is replacing them with someone else. You cannot really fully take away all the memories you had with someone, you just have to make someone else important enough to fill the void they created.
Before entering the relationship with your ex, I’m sure you had friends. Along the way, you made new friends and even lost some. In order to get over the feelings of brokenness after having a breakup with your ex-SO, you need to re-establish new relationships with those you care about.
In this regard, your family and friends are usually the first points of call. But if they are not available at the moment, or you simply feel the need to seek out solace elsewhere, making new friends surely won’t be such a difficult thing. In all, you don’t want to catch yourself feeling lonely and reminiscing too much on your outgoing relationship, especially now that everything is still fresh.
5. Avoid contacting them when you feel the need to
Do you really need to contact them often? Sometimes when you don’t get closure from an ex, you might want to make effort to hear from them at least. But I say no to this. Avoid falling into the temptation of calling your ex to get closure or find solace, because they will most likely ignore you and make it even harder for you to let go of the painful feelings.
6. Assure yourself that you deserve better
Again, anyone who is bold enough to leave you does not deserve you in their life. You need to accept this fact and also realise that you will find someone who values you as much as you value them.
Once you have been able to assure yourself that you deserve better, your mind will begin to shift away from your ex in preparation for the better partner that would soon come your way.
Shortly after, while you connect with other people, your joys will return again. However, in all of these, you should try not to make it a competition with your ex. There are many things you can do at this point, comparing against your ex is not one of them. They must cease to be any reference in your life from henceforth. Live your best life.
7. Do what you love doing
An idle mind is always a place full of intrusive thoughts, crazy feelings and all whatnots. Being idle is the last thing you want to be at this time when you are trying to heal from a breakup. This is because it can make you miss your ex and feel the pain more while thinking about them.
One interesting way to stay active, amongst others, is by engaging in hobbies that you love. Are you interested in writing, this might be your opportunity to shine again after a long time. The list of hobbies is endless and it totally depends on what you naturally love doing.
8. Choose to improve yourself
Singlehood is the best period of one’s individual life, and if you have not heard that before, now you are. Singlehood is the time to discover and rediscover yourself. It is the time to determine the trajectory of your career, focus on your passions and develop yourself. Contrariwise, when you are in a relationship, you shift some attention from yourself to the other person.
A breakup, not only shows that your ex was not meant for you but it also gives you another opportunity to explore your singlehood once more. Don’t fret, one day you will get married to the love of your life and by then, you might have learnt more about yourself and developed yourself even more.
9. Change your environment
Changing your environment is an effective way to refresh your life’s experiences, or reset it to the last stable version. Hilarious, but you need some form of reset at this point. Not a full reset that erases all the memories until before your last relationship, but one that makes you comfortable enough to take life from this point without being dragged behind by old experiences.
One way to achieve that is by temporarily changing your environment, meeting new people, hearing a different language, try something new. And before you know it, their memories no longer take a toll on you no more.
10. Tell yourself never to hate
Tell yourself this “I’ve got no time to hate”. Choose to resist the urge whenever you feel like channelling your energy to hate on your partner or find ways to have a comeback at them. It’s not worth it.
Besides that, when you do so, you make it harder for your heavy heart to let go. It’s like you are leaving strings on you that tie you back to them. Hating on them persistently focuses the attention on them instead of on your own self and personal development, and this negative energy can drain your strength away until you have nothing left.
Few Additional Facts About Breakup
- Heartbreak is real and anyone can experience it. Don’t ever think you are Hercules in this matter.
- The more vulnerable you become, the more hurt you experience in the face of a breakup. Vulnerability is a matter of how much of your heart you give; doing things you would never do for anyone else.
- Jumping quickly into a new relationship immediately after a breakup can do more harm than good. Take time to heal, learn and wait for the right time to enter a new relationship.
- Getting closure is important for easy healing from a breakup. If your partner doesn’t give you closure, give it to yourself by answering the question “why did they leave”? Only that this time, you must not answer it guiltily.
Conclusion
Healing from a breakup can require deliberate efforts. Here, I spelt out ten great tips on moving on after a breakup. I hope this helped.
