10 Ways To Move On Faster After A Breakup

Here are 10 great tips on moving on after a breakup, in case you are finding it difficult to do.

sad couple looking away from each other
Moving on after a breakup; iStockphotos

I have had three heartbreak experiences in my life.

The first was with a girl I liked in my second year as an undergraduate. I liked this girl for no ulterior reasons and I thought she could be my girlfriend.

As I started drawing closer to her, I could see her resistance. One day, I asked her out and she turned me down. This was not as painful because I didn’t have much to do with her already.

The second was with a girl I loved so much. This girl was young and beautiful, and I wanted a relationship with her but she said she was not ready.

I kept chasing her to get her to change her mind but it ended up in a painful experience when she had no choice but to ignore my calls, and messages, and block every avenue for me to see her. It was quite painful but I was naive then.

The third was with my last ex. I was committed to marrying her but the relationship went down the drain after about a year because of distance and lack of communication.

I was busy at that time and she was obviously very busy too. We discussed our terms and called the relationship a break. That was the end.

Any type of breakup can be painful

Each of these kind of experiences comes with its own pain level. I can totally relate to how it feels after a breakup.

From my experiences and those of other people, I realized that most of the breakups young people experience will be from people whom they are not already in a formed relationship with, like my first and second scenarios above.

Many of us fall in love with people who do not love us or want to be with us. This is one of the most common causes of heartbreaks I have witnessed from several people. It feels like a breakup when it is not actually a breakup.

Whatever the case is, I have experienced both kinds of breakups; whether the breakup you experienced when you were not actually in a relationship or the actual breakup after being in a relationship with someone. I will share my recommended tips on moving on from a breakup in the next sections.

Reasons a Breakup Can Feel So Painful

A breakup is the highest form of betrayal because no one is ever fully prepared to face it. It can be very painful for the following reasons:

  1. You never expected it.
  2. You gave yourself and vulnerability up for the person, and they shattered everything.
  3. You remember the good old memories and wish they could come back.
  4. You miss the good times you shared with the person.
  5. You already started planning your life with the person in mind.
  6. You have given up a lot of other important things/people for them.

The reasons are many but what is central to all is that a breakup can be quite a painful experience. In case you are in need of some solace after a breakup, I want to share with you some ways that helped me move on after my last breakup.

10 Tips On Moving on After a Breakup

Moving on after a breakup can be hard for most people, especially those who just experienced the very first breakup in their lives. Below are some tips to help you move on after a breakup in case you are having a really hard time letting go.

1. Stop at your best in trying to get them back

Some people are very bad at breaking up with someone in a mild way. They put your heart on the rock and just smash it with a mallet.

In cases like that, you may feel like trying to convince them to get back with you. While that is okay and acceptable, prepare to stop when you have done your best. Any additional efforts you put in after then will be more detrimental than useful.

One important reason why you find yourself going back to the person is because you are in search of closure. You are in search of the reason why they left you in the first place so that you can see if it is something you can fix or not.

Most people breaking up with you would not give you the closure you need because they realise that the reason may not be good enough for you to accept. This is the more reason you should know when to cut the chase and move on with your life.

2. Give yourself a closure

Getting closure can help you move on faster after a breakup. When my second ‘friend’ in the scenario above “broke up” with me, I tried my best to contact her so as to know why she left me that way but to no avail.

After trying your best to get a closure and you have not found it, give yourself one. I will show you how to give yourself a closure.

I have also come to realize that partners who break up with you may have hinted or said their reasons for not wanting to be with you or for opting out of the relationship in some time past. So before you give yourself closure as you will see shortly, think about some of those things they may have said to you before.

If you were already in a relationship, one of the most common reasons why your ex broke up with you is that you were not speaking their love language. They may have told you what they want and what they don’t want but if you keep violating these, your partner might fully decide to opt out of the relationship.

The best closure you can give yourself when you can’t get one from your partner is to tell yourself that they don’t love you, and they don’t deserve your love too. If they loved you, they would have made it work, instead of dumping you the way they did.

3. Get rid of things that remind you about them

The first few weeks after a breakup can be pretty tough. This is when you begin to miss the times you share with your ex, you remember the romantic moments, the great sex experiences (if any), their gifts, and smiles, and everything begins to look more interesting in retrospect.

With time, you will eventually get over those experiences. However, if you want to speed up the process, you can deliberately help yourself do that by getting rid of things that remind you of them. The more you hold on to their memories or things that remind you, the longer it will take you to move on after the breakup.

You might want to get rid of the flowers they sent you, keep their pictures outside your constant reminders, and avoid discussions about the memories you shared.

4. Make out with old friends; make new ones too

When you are in love with someone, it can make it look like other people do not matter as much in your life. So much so, that you begin to think you cannot find joy and happiness being with other people as well. But that is not true.

It is time to move with your old friends and make new ones too. This helps you fill the void your ex or ex-lover left in your life. You will be surprised how much better that can help you feel.

One person left your life but you have a host of others with you. That is enough reason to comfort yourself that you are not alone. In no time, you will find someone else who would love you to the point of sticking with you through thick or thin.

5. Avoid contacting them when you feel the need to

You might get tempted to try to contact them often either via calls or texts but I can assure you that may not go out well. When you try to contact someone who does not want to be with you, a point will come when they will eventually block you off totally. At this time, you will feel more pained than ever.

Instead of trying to contact them, speak with someone else to keep yourself busy and entertained.

6. Assure yourself that you deserve better

In all honesty, you are a treasure and an asset. Someone who values you will do all it takes to keep you with themselves. Only someone who does not know your real worth or deserves you walks out on you that way.

Once you have assured yourself that you deserve better, your mind will begin to shift away from your ex while you get ready to meet someone who truly deserves you.

7. Do what you love doing

No matter how emotional you are, getting occupied with things that give you joy can fully distract you from the things that make you emotional. Being idle makes you have intrusive thoughts, and relive painful memories.

You should look out for your own hobbies and engage in them. Explore your interests and develop them. As you do this, you naturally forget other things including the painful breakup experience you might be currently having.

8. Choose to improve yourself

What no one tells you is that singlehood is the best period of anyone’s life. It is the time you have to learn about yourself, develop yourself, and plan your life the way you would want it without any intrusions from someone else.

Now that you have single life back, see it as an opportunity to improve yourself even further. I know it might feel very tough reliving singlehood after you have spent a considerable time being with someone, but when life throws lemons at you, turn them into lemonade.

Discover and rediscover your passions, develop your skills and interests, and read books and acquire more knowledge. There are many stories of people who bounced back to become renowned after a painful breakup with their ex.

9. Change your environment

Changing your environment brings some elements of newness to anyone’s life. It’s more like giving your system a refresh or resetting it to the last stable version when there is a bug.

You might want to change your environment to meet new people who remind you less of your ex, to learn and pursue new skills, as well as have a change of life.

10. Tell yourself never to hate

The major problem with malice is that it keeps the memory in your mind longer than you want it to stay. There is no need to consciously nurture hate in your mind for your ex. It is not worth it.

Instead of wasting your energy hating them, forgive and channel that energy into improving yourself. So that when you see them again, you will not wish they stayed in your life. Instead, they would wish they stayed in yours.

Final words

Moving on from a breakup can take a lot of time, some say three months, some say six. However, these tips will help make the process faster for you.

Some people quickly jump to a new relationship for relief – what they call a rebound relationship. This is not very recommended because you miss out on the lessons and benefits that going through a breakup can give you.

There are other things I would like to write about moving on after a breakup but I hope these tips help you do so quickly. Kindly share in the comments section below if you have any specific questions or have some important comments to make.

I am a medical doctor, a seasoned writer and passionate blogger. Thanks to many years of trials, failure, and near successes. I am the founder of Knowseeker and our content are geared towards enlightening and making you a better and happier audience.

8 thoughts on “10 Ways To Move On Faster After A Breakup”

  1. Very nice read. I enjoyed every bit of it. Thank you very much. The first kind of breakup you wrote about is the kind that comes from unrequited love. It is deeply painful.🙇🏿‍♂️

    Reply
  2. I have been seeing your posts for awhile and I just decided to open this one only to discover that you are actually the author of the writeups you have been posting for so long.

    I never knew you wrote so well because this was such an apt but yet engaging read.

    Reply
  3. Just finished reading it and i feel very relieved
    At first i taught moving into a new relationship helps u heal fast until i went through ur write up🤗
    Thanks for bringing this…. Keep it up 👍

    Reply

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