7 Harsh Facts About Long Distance Relationships

I’ve talked to many people in long-distance relationships, and I’ve been in one myself. I once had a girlfriend who lived in a different city. The experience was not always pleasant, but we always looked forward to seeing each other again. From all I’ve gathered, I believe I’ve gained enough insight into the harshest truths about long-distance relationships.

In 2005, over 14 million people were in a long-distance relationship in the US alone. Of this number, over 3.7 million (approx. 26%) were married couples, 75% of all engaged couples reported having been in a long-distance relationship at some point in their relationship, while 10% of married couples said they started in a long-distance relationship.

It, thus, becomes obvious that a long-distance relationship is inevitable for most people.

Are you about to enter a long-distance relationship? Perhaps you can see clearly that you or your partner would be traveling to a different country or state. It may even be a new relationship with someone who doesn’t live near you. Thus, you may want to understand some harsh facts about a long-distance relationship to prepare for them adequately.

Or perhaps, you are facing some struggles and challenges in your long-distance relationship, and seeking some comfort or ways to deal with these issues without ending your relationship. This post attempts to show you some honest truths about long-distance relationships, with an added note on how to overcome.

Without further ado, let’s take an honest look at what long-distance relationships entail.

7 Harsh Facts About Long-Distance Relationships

Whether you are deciding whether to start a long-distance relationship or not, or whether you are looking to find solutions to what you currently face, or looking for reasons to keep or end the long-distance relationship, here are the harshest and most honest facts you need to know about long-distance relationships (LDRs).

1. Loneliness hits more in LDRs

Let’s be honest. Even the best WhatsApp call can’t replace a real hug.

Whether he/she has been your long-term partner or you are just starting, a long-distance relationship can feel very lonely. Imagine knowing that you have a partner, but who is not physically close to you. You long for some closeness, intimacy, and warmth, only to realize that it is practically impossible.

A study published by SexualAlpha (now Founder Tips) showed that 50% of people in a long-distance relationship feel lonely, significantly less than those who live close together.^[1]Only 31% of Relationships Survive Long-Distance, New Study by SexualAlpha Finds^[2]Waterman EA, Wesche R, Leavitt CE, Jones DE, Lefkowitz ES. Long-distance dating relationships, relationship dissolution, and college adjustment. Emerg Adulthood. 2017 Aug;5(4):268-279. doi: … Continue reading

In addition, the lack of physical closeness can lead to feelings of isolation and longing, which is why they say distance makes the heart grow fonder.

2. Anxiety builds up in LDR

According to that same study by SexualAlpha, 55% of people in LDRs had concerns that their partner could be seeing someone else. This can heighten the feeling of anxiety and depression in a long-distance relationship.

The most important reasons for this are related to the natural human tendency to become suspicious when someone is not in sight, and also your self-projection of your experience of loneliness. When your partner is away, you may instinctively enter into protective mode, where you start worrying about them leaving you. On the other hand, you may project your loneliness onto them, saying that if they are as lonely as I am, they might be seeking other ways to satisfy themselves.

3. Communication issues

Another harsh but honest fact about long-distance relationships is communication issues. When you are physically close, you can easily discuss things, have a conversation, or just keep up with each other’s lives, and you can do this for free or very cheaply. But in a long-distance relationship, this privilege may no longer be that easily accessible.

Thanks to technology, you can now do a video call with your partner over a distance. Newer technologies are emerging to bridge the long-distance gaps between lovers. But these, at best, do not fully solve the communication problem: the cost of communication may be higher, scheduling a time for reaching out to your lover may be difficult, seeing that you might need to organize your head space for such an important call, and thirdly, the time zone may be different, which can affect how easily you can reach other in wake hours.

Thus, communication issues are another harsh fact about long-distance relationships you need to be aware of and be ready to face.

4. Doubts about faithfulness

As loneliness and anxiety build up, you may find yourself questioning if your partner is still faithful to you over there. You start wondering if they are cheating, seeing other people to pass the time, or if they are still faithful to you. This is due to the same reasons above: distance makes the heart grow fonder, anxiety builds up, and communication might not be all that great.

In addition, due to the distance, you are more careful about the kind of topics you want to talk about, so you won’t seem too jealous or doubtful. And this can make it harder for partners to keep up with each other and clear their doubts about their partner’s faithfulness over the distance.

5. Infidelity rates may be higher

Cheating has been reported in 22% of long-distance relationships^[3]Long Distance Relationship Statistics Revealed In A Brand New Study [2024] – Founder Tips, but infidelity is often a factor of self-control, personal decision, and commitment to one’s partner. While no substantial evidence suggests that cheating is more prevalent in long-distance relationships compared to geographically close ones, a study showed that the likelihood of cheating is more among long-distance partners who are within 100 miles radius (the middle zone) compared to those living in the same town and being very far away from each other.^[4]Dowdle, Krista Joy. Out of Sight, Out of Mind: Examining the Association Between Geographic Distance and the Likelihood of Cheating. (2016). BYU Scholars Archive. … Continue reading

The explanation for the above is that partners living very far apart are more committed to their partner, which is perhaps why they continue to remain in the relationship despite the harsh threats they envisage from it, while those living closer together often have a sense of their partner’s presence around, and can easily satisfy their needs for intimacy.

6. Higher chances of a breakup

Up to 40% of long-distance relationships end in a breakup, and most do before the end of the first year. Within 4 to 5 months of long-distance separation between romantic partners, the problems of loneliness, loss of intimacy, ineffective communication, doubt, and mistrust begin to encroach heavily on the relationship.^[5]Long-distance relationship – Wikipedia.

Long-distance relationships are more expensive physically, financially, and emotionally. This easily explains why there are higher chances of breakups in a long-distance relationship.

In addition, couples or partners who spend time together in person may experience greater happiness, but the relationship quality and the amount of satisfaction in the relationship are dependent on the individuals rather than the type of relationship, whether a close or long-distance relationship.^[6]Peterson, Kelsey K. Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder: Do Long-Distance Relationships Have an Effect on Levels of Intimacy in Romantic Relationships?. Global Tides: Vol. 8, Article 8. 2014. … Continue reading This justifies the other 60% of long-distance relationship that eventually succeeds.

7. Physical adjustment is harder

Whether it is for professional, educational, or family-related issues, what happens at the end of a long-distance relationship? Let’s assume you both eventually come back together after several months or years of being physically separated from each other.

Do you know that 37% of partners in long-distance relationships break up within 3 months of being geographically close to each other?^[7]Stafford, L., Merolla, A. J., & Castle, J. D. (2006). When long-distance dating partners become geographically close. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23(6), 901-919. … Continue reading And even for those that stand the test of time, facing new incompatibilities after reunion is another harsh fact one has to prepare for in a long-distance relationship.

A lot changes with people, and being at a distance away from each other can make it significantly harder to catch up with the changes over time. Thus, it is not unusual to find partners who become ‘used to being alone’ in the relationship after reuniting from their long-distance relationship.

How to Handle the Harsh Reality of Long-Distance Relationships

Though it is not an easy task being in a long-distance relationship, this is an inevitable stage for most relationships. At some point in our romantic lives, we would have partners who are physically away from us. Hence, the importance of not only knowing the harsh facts about LDRs but also finding ways to deal with them.

Here, we see some effective solutions to the problems of a long-distance relationship.

1. Both partners should get involved

Knowing the tough challenges in a long-distance relationship should awaken some proactiveness in both partners. You both have to get involved in making it work from the very start.

It becomes easier when both of you are willing to overcome the challenges together. Leaving only one partner to do all the work in a long-distance relationship is the best recipe for failure in such a relationship.

2. Focus on effective communication

Nowadays, distance is no longer a barrier to effective communication, but that is if you are doing things right. Communication over the phone in a long-distance relationship should feature the essential components of effective communication, including active listening, clear expression of your thoughts, and ensuring that you leave no doubts unclear after a conversation.

Even if you communicate frequently, for example, talk with each other on the phone every day, lacking those essential components can affect the quality of the relationship. Pay attention to what your partner is trying to say, empathize with them, listen to their challenges, and talk about yours too. Once you both understand each other, distance no longer becomes a barrier in communication.

If you are unable to have frequent calls or chats, ensure to keep a regular calling schedule, even if it is twice to thrice a week.

3. Be emotionally and psychologically available

You can be emotionally and psychologically available even when you are physically away from each other. This can help maintain the quality of your relationship with each other even if you are miles apart.

These involve making time to speak with your partner even over the distance. Avoid making excuses not to talk with them when they call you, and if you have a serious reason not to, communicate it to them clearly. As simple as this may sound, it could change the trajectory of a long-distance relationship positively.

4. Make efforts to visit each other

No matter the distance, constantly discuss plans to visit each other on holidays when both of you are less busy. If your partner lives in the same country, you can afford to visit each other several times a year, but if they are in another country, the frequency might be less. However, if that is the price you have to pay to be with the person you love and who loves you, it will be worth it.

5. Find ways to spice things up

Even if your partner is far away, you can still get creative in how you express your love and affection. You can send gifts, postcards, jewelry, flowers, give a radio shoutout, or other things you think your partner would love. Thankfully, you don’t need to be physically present before you can send parcels nowadays.

Take advantage of special days like Valentine’s Day and other special holidays to do something special for your partner, even if you are unable to visit each other. And whenever you have the opportunity to see each other, make it special as much as you both can and can afford.

6. Keep trusting and stay trustworthy

Trust is one of the key ingredients of every successful relationship, and long-distance relationships are not left out. Seeing that anxiety and distrust can increase in a long-relationship for obvious reasons, it becomes important to be more intentional at preserving trust.

This begins by communicating properly, ensuring you understand and clarify your doubts with your partner most respectably and politely. You should do the same for your partner, too, so you both are on the same page. You both have to keep trusting each other, and this is even easier if this desire is mutual.

7. Stay committed to each other

The quality and success of every long-distance relationship depend on the level of commitment the partners share in the relationship. Stay committed to yourselves. Reflect on the good times you’ve shared and the plans you’ve both made for the future together. Commitment is about thinking more about tomorrow and what it holds for the relationship.

We have seen earlier that commitment is higher for very long-distance relationships since the partners must be very committed to agree to the idea in the first place. However, commitment must be sustained through a conscious effort by both partners in the relationship, whether you are countries apart or just a few miles apart.

Final words

Statistically, a long-distance relationship is inevitable for most of us, but while it may feel like a bitter pill one has to swallow, it can be a test that strengthens your romantic bond if well handled. If you and your partner stay intentional and committed, you are not just surviving the long-distance relationship but also building a lasting relationship with your partner.

This post explored some honest facts about long-distance relationships. Whether you are about to start one or are already in a long-distance relationship.

And if you found this helpful, share your feedback in the comments below, and share it with someone in a long-distance relationship. They may also find it helpful.