6 Reasons Some Men Feel One Woman Isn’t Enough

You may have been wondering, why is one woman never enough for a man? This question can feel personal if you’ve been cheated on or sidelined by someone who seemed serious and monogamous. But the truth is, not all men struggle with commitment; staying devoted to one woman can be complicated for some men.

The reasons why commitment feels complicated to some men go beyond simple attraction. These reasons are influenced by a combination of emotional factors, societal/cultural influences, and personal values.

In this article, we’ll explore the psychological, social, and cultural factors that can make commitment challenging for some men. This article does not justify conventional assumptions that justify cheating and promote polygamy. Rather, it delves into the deeper reasons why some men see a need for multiple women.

Are Humans Naturally Polygamous?

Before talking about the reasons why some men feel one woman isn’t enough, you might first want to settle the argument that men or humans are naturally polygamous or not. Is polygamy in men natural or influenced by society? Let’s see the views of evolutionists who discussed this topic thoroughly.

Approximately 85% of pre-industrialized societies held women to a socially monogamous arrangement, while men were permitted to have multiple wives (polygyny). Reasons cited for this were related to fecundity, guarantee of paternity, and prevention of social chaos if women were also allowed to openly have multiple men (polyandry).^[1]Brandon, M. (2016). Monogamy and nonmonogamy: Evolutionary considerations and treatment challenges. Sexual Medicine Reviews, 4(4), 343–352. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sxmr.2016.05.005^[2]VerBruggen, R. (2016, March 29). Is monogamy unnatural? Institute for Family Studies. https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-monogamy-unnatural/

According to the evolutionary psychologist, David Barash, he explained that men who have a higher reproductive capacity can more easily verify their biological children if women are monogamous, guaranteeing paternity. He also explained that dimorphic species like humans usually have more violent and competitive males than females. Males achieve puberty later than women, which ensures that they are big or strong enough before they begin competing for mates. This may suggest that there are more females in the reproductive pool at a point in time.^[3]VerBruggen, R. (2016, March 29). Is monogamy unnatural? Institute for Family Studies. https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-monogamy-unnatural/

David tried to explain that allowing women to have multiple husbands while men stay monogamous will increase men’s competitiveness, violence, and social disorder.

On the other hand, David stated that monogamy encourages joint parenting, ensures relatively equal distribution of mates, and may better serve the interests of women, reproductive or otherwise. ^[4]Ibid. VerBruggen, R. (2016, March 29) Even in polygamous cultures, some men remain monogamous if they do not demonstrate enough power and resources to maintain multiple wives. Thirdly, studies support that many societies do not maintain the abundance of females required to enable males to have multiple wives.^[5]Brandon, M. (2016). Monogamy and nonmonogamy: Evolutionary considerations and treatment challenges. Sexual Medicine Reviews, 4(4), 343–352. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sxmr.2016.05.005

Finally, popular observations have supported that women are more comfortable in monogamy, and would prefer to have only one partner. Granted these, we yet ask again, what are the underlying reasons why some men struggle with being monogamous?

Reasons One Woman is Not Enough For Some Men

While some men are comfortable with one woman, some consider one woman not enough. Here, you will see some psychological and cultural reasons why the latter is true for some men.

This section does not justify the following reasons; it amplifies the deeper reasons some men hold on to when they believe that one woman is not enough for them.

1. Evolutionary Desire for Sexual Variety

Evolutionary psychologists and authors have proposed contrasting views regarding human mating. Some propose that both sexes are evolutionarily designed to prefer a singular long-term mating strategy, while others believe that both sexes are better suited to function as multiple mates. In contrast to these views, the Sexual Strategy Theory (SST) views this differently.

The Sexual Strategy Theory (SST) by David Schmitt et al., proposes that men and women have different short and long-term mating strategies, most especially the short-term desire for sexual variety. This study showed that men generally have a stronger desire for multiple sexual partners compared to women.^[6]SCHMITT, D. P., SHACKELFORD, T. K., DUNTLEY, J., TOOKE, W., & BUSS, D. M. (2001). The desire for sexual variety is a key to understanding basic human mating strategies. Personal Relationships, … Continue reading

Consequently, women tend to prioritize long-term partnerships and emotional connection with one partner compared to men. A plausible reason for this, according to David Barash, is that this behavior may better serve the interests and innate satisfaction of women, compared to men.^[7]Ibid. VerBruggen, R. Institute of Family Studies

Another study showed that men have a greater appeal for beauty and attractiveness than women.^[8]Meltzer, A. L., McNulty, J. K., Jackson, G. L., & Karney, B. R. (2014). Sex differences in the implications of partner physical attractiveness for the trajectory of marital satisfaction. Journal … Continue reading And with a good number of women displaying different shades of beauty and striking parts that men consider attractive, some men may feel like one woman is not enough.

2. Differences in Sexual Drive and Intimacy Needs

A study on the sexual drive in men and women revealed that men have a higher sex drive than women, with 91% of men and only 52% of women experiencing intense sexual desire several times a week. While this could be related to differences in hormones and patterns of secretion in men and women, the ensuing difference in sexual drive can influence men’s need for multiple women.^[9]Baumeister, R. F., Catanese, K. R., & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Is there a gender difference in the strength of the sex drive? Theoretical views, conceptual distinctions, and a review of relevant … Continue reading

For example, women’s libido-enhancing hormones are secreted cyclically, with oestrogen and luteinizing hormone being highest at ovulation. However, men’s testosterone peaks every day, meaning men can experience more frequent libido compared to women.

A woman on Quora named Holly Robertson also expressed that men may have a higher desire/need for intimacy due to a relative deprivation of intimacy needs compared to women. Society expects men to be strong at a very young age, cutting them off from some basic human outlets for connection. This makes intimacy much more valuable and harder for men to naturally come by than for women.

Holly’s idea has been unanimously agreed upon by several people, and it may support why some men need multiple women to satisfy their heightened intimacy desires.

3. Cultural and Religious Acceptance of Polygamy

David Barash also highlighted that some cultural and religious contexts support a man having more than one wife as long as he has enough power and resources to maintain them.^[10]Ibid. VerBruggen, R. (2016, March 29). Is monogamy unnatural? Institute for Family Studies. These cultures are prevalent in parts of West Africa and Central Africa collectively known as the “Polygamy Belt”–Burkina Faso, Mali, Gambia, Niger, and Nigeria.^[11]Polygamy – Wikipedia

This cultural/religious acceptance of polygamy can be an enabler for men who have a personal desire to have more than one woman.

4. Family Pressure, Fertility, and the Desire for Heirs

Many families and cultures put high pressure on new couples to have children within the first one to two years of marriage. At other times, there is a strong desire for a male child to ensure continuity of the family’s name or lineage.

Due to that, a man whose wife cannot bear him children or an heir may begin to seek another woman in his life. For example, a study done in Pakistan showed that in-law family pressure has forced many wives who are having challenges with conception to let their husbands marry another wife or wives to prevent a divorce.^[12]Naseer, S., Farooq, S., & Malik, F. (2021). Causes and consequences of polygamy: An understanding of coping strategies by co-wives in polygamous marriage. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry, 22(9), … Continue reading

Thus, infertility or the inability to get an heir is one reason why one woman doesn’t seem enough for some men.

5. Relationship Dissatisfaction and Emotional Disconnect

People value their happiness and peace of mind in a marriage, and as such, being with someone who disrupts their happiness could cause relationship dissatisfaction and emotional disconnect.

Some men also do not look carefully at a woman’s qualities before marriage. These could be in terms of beauty, attractiveness, or behavioral qualities. And if their expectations do not match reality after a few months to years, they could start losing interest in the woman, or have the feeling that one woman is not enough for them.

Is It True for All Men?

Not all men want more than one woman, even in places where polygamy is accepted. Studies have shown that a majority of men prefer complete monogamy.^[13]Sanders, L. (2023, February 21). How many Americans prefer non-monogamy in relationships? YouGov. This emphasizes that choice and personal values play a significant role in men’s desire for multiple women or otherwise.

Granted that culture and religion influence polygamy in places where it is accepted. In other cases, other cultures and religions may promote monogamy as the ideal mating pattern for humans.

Similarly, some men uphold personal values that align with monogamy due to their perceived disasters associated with polygamy.

Can One Woman Be Enough For a Man?

Yes, for many men, one woman is enough. This is especially true when both partners nurture healthy emotional attachment and sexual compatibility. Having shared values and mutual energy in building the relationship can also make one woman sufficient for a man. As a matter of fact, more women do not always equate to better satisfaction of a man’s psychological and emotional needs.

Good communication is important to achieve good emotional attachment and sexual compatibility. Emotional maturity and firmness of values can also make a man realize that one woman is enough for him.

While biological impulses may exist, personal values, love, loyalty, and commitment can also influence behavior. This emphasizes self-control over impulses and emotional satisfaction over relationship novelty or variety.

How Monogamy Benefits Men and Families

There are many ways monogamy benefits men and their families. Some men uphold and practice monogamous beliefs due to the following reasons:

1. Focused energy and attention

Men are generally not good at managing multiple women’s families. They either let the women manage their individual families completely or give them minimal support. Thus, some men prefer to raise a family with only one woman, as this helps them focus their energy and attention on their wife and children.

This was illustrated in Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá’s Sex at Dawn, a book that shows that paternal investment in children and the family decreases among promiscuous animal species. The resulting lack of emotional and energy focus often results in feelings of deprivation, unhappiness among the wives, and social problems among the children.

2. Increase in the determination to succeed

The contrary increase in paternal investment in monogamy also results in a psychological increase in a man’s determination to succeed and take adequate care of his wife and children. This is in contrast to polygamous men who may relegate the responsibilities to their respective wives because they are overwhelmed by having several families to care for.

3. Responsible children

Paternal investment, shared responsibility, and joint parenting, common in monogamous families, allow both parents to raise responsible children. Psychological neglect and poor paternal involvement are seen more in polygamous families with multiple wives, often predisposing children to negative social habits, behaviors, and lifestyle, as well as academic and peer-pressure-related problems.

4. Enhanced family cooperation

Mutual parental investment and shared family responsibility lead to better family cooperation. When family members have a common goal, they are more likely to cooperate to achieve it, and this leads to better efficiency, growth, and progress in the family.

5. Better psychosocial outcomes

When there is a stronger bond and cooperation in the family, it can enhance the mental and physical health of all family members. Children have higher self-esteem, and this helps them achieve great academic and career achievements.

Challenges Associated with Having Multiple Women

1. Financial strain on the man and the family: While some men may think having multiple women may lead to shared financial burden and more hands to share household tasks, it can significantly increase financial strain on the man and the family.
2. Family dysfunction and socially-disordered children: Lack of paternal investment in the children can lead to a dysfunctional family and social disorder among children.
3. Impaired mental health among women: David Wilber explained how polygamy hurts women, children, and the family.^[14]Wilber, D. (2021, October 17). Polygamy harms men, women, and children. David Wilber. https://davidwilber.com/articles/polygamy-harms-men-women-and-children This includes how it predisposes women to mental health issues like loneliness, depression, and psychiatric disorders.
4. Mental and emotional issues for the man due to greater responsibilities and divided focus.
5. Educational/psychological issues in children.
6. Potential enmity among the wives and children.

The above challenges discourage men from practicing polygamy. In fact, a study in the Middle East showed that nearly all polygamous husbands did not suggest or even outrightly discouraged polygamy for their children, having seen the outcomes.^[15]Alean Al-Krenawi, Psychosocial Impact of Polygamy in the Middle East (Beer-Sheva, Israel: Ben Gurion University of the Negev, 2014)

How to Build Long-Term Satisfaction With One Woman

As a man, building long-term satisfaction with one woman involves being intentional, committed, dedicated, and demonstrating self-control. Here are some practical tips for building long-term satisfaction with your wife as a monogamous man.

1. Choose your wife intentionally and then commit fully to the person you chose.
2. Make a conscious commitment and revisit that commitment during challenging times.
3. Verbally express your appreciation to her regularly.
4. Focus on what you admire about your partner rather than comparing her to others.
5. Reflect on the long-term consequences before making any impulsive decisions regarding marrying another woman.
6. Surround yourself with friends who value commitment and loyalty in a relationship.
7. Openly communicate emotional challenges with your partner with the hopes of resolving them together.
8. Reflect on your beliefs and long-term goals related to monogamy.
9. Maintain novelty by discussing shared experiences and personal growth.